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M Ravi to lead congregation at City Harvest Church

M Ravi to lead congregation at City Harvest Church

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By Aihaven bin Ittin Sins Mornin

Human rights lawyer and dance extraordinaire Ravi Madasamy has been called to lead City Harvest Church (CHC) in their congregation this weekend, according the National Council of Megachurches and the Group of Immense Religious Organisations.

Currently under severe media scrutiny for the state of his mental health, the eccentric Ravi had apparently impressed a member of the NCSS during his traditional dance performance at Hong Lim Park last Monday. Decked out in a garland, makeup and a gold belt, he charmed a crowd of 40 people as he told Lee Kuan Yew to “go fly kite” and that there were vampires in the Empire State building.

“We need people like Ravi to bring faith back into the world,” said Venerable Shi Zhende, Chief Abbott at the Buddha Toenail Temple at Anson road and acting spokesman of the IRO.

“Religion has been treated like a spurned lover after a one night stand. People look for god or Buddha when they are in need. Then they forget to give thanks when their wishes are fulfilled. Organised religion is running out of money,” Shi said.

In an three-hour-long joint presentation attended by two CHC members and the press, the NCMS and GIRO said that Ravi would perform five songs and a dance on July 28, taking over the position of Creative Director in the church.

“Ravi displayed tremendous knowledge of all religions during his Hong Lim Park performance when he talked about Yin, Yang and invoked God with several Hallelujahs,” said Bishop Berry “Richie” Richard, president of the NCMS.

“With CHC’s reputation in shambles now, we believe that Ravi is our last hope to restore the membership numbers in Singapore’s megachurches, by making prosperity theology accessible to all religions, classes and races,” said Bishop Richard, adding that it was important for outsiders to refrain from speculation, judgement or prejudice before the conclusion of the CHC case.

“There’s a clear difference between passing judgement and telling the truth. If you don’t believe in God, if you don’t depend on Him to make every decision for you, if you don’t clear your mind for His presence, you will go to hell. It’s like a doctor telling a cancer patient the bad news. I’m sorry you have to hear that,” he said when asked about the definition of judgement.

Indeed, like Kong Hee, Ravi has had a reputation for performing miracles.

On one hand, Kong Hee amazingly managed to misappropriate S$50 million amid the 2008 recession, the Eurozone crisis and a worldwide economic slowdown and convinced his congregation that his pop singer wife’s eurotrash songs were created as a cunning ploy to spread subliminal christian messages.

On the other hand, Ravi has managed to keep the grim reaper from drug mule Yong Vui Kong for five years and defended various suckers from Lee family lawsuits without actually being thrown into the can yet, or being bankrupted.

“This is a sign of a man blessed by God. Ravi also has pastor Kong’s high cheekbones, I think very handsome,” said Faith Foo, a 17-year-old CHC member and budding actress currently working on Jack Neo’s tenth instalment of “Money No Enough”. Her friend, Trust Tin Noh Wan, however, was more sceptical.

“How do we know he’s not the devil in disguise?” asked Tin, also a budding actress. “Ravi does so many cases that don’t make money. That doesn’t fall in line with what pastor Kong taught, which was that God wants us to make tons of cash. He might teach people the wrong thing in the end,”

New Nation understands that Ravi is in the midst of recording his next single “Indian Toddy”, which will be released in a Taiwanese movie next year. The album is currently funded by secret society “Jalan Kayu 369“, but Ravi says additional funding or tips from Wyclef Jean will be welcome.

A Muslim representative from MUIS could not be reached for comment due to Ramadan.

For more crackpot stuff, click on the videos below:

“Water doesn’t like to be insulted” – Kong Hee

M Ravi’s Hong Lim Park performance