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All S’poreans turn gay once ambassador Tommy Koh said gay people should ‘try again’

All S’poreans turn gay once ambassador Tommy Koh said gay people should ‘try again’

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A mere suggestion is potent enough because being gay is irresistible.


Singaporeans from all walks of life, who were blissfully straight, have found themselves turned gay overnight.

This after ambassador Tommy Koh said gay people should “try again” to repeal 377A law in Singapore.

This mere suggestion has, as predicted by highly religious Singaporeans about the harmful addictive effects of homosexuality, turned millions of Singaporeans irreversibly gay overnight.

One ex-straight Singaporean, Tong Xing Lian, said: “I was happily straight and confident of my sexuality.”

“However, with Tommy Koh’s mere suggestion for gay advocates to repeal 377A, I suddenly find myself attracted to people of the same sex and wanting to engage in same-sex intercourse all the time.”

“Homosexuality is such a powerful force to cause these sorts of changes to take place overnight against our wills, just as highly religious Singaporeans predicted.”

Singaporeans who witnessed the transformation of their own sexual orientation attributed the changes to provocative liberal gay agitators, who use logic and arguments to sway others their way.

One other local, Lai Zuo Ai, said: “It is our fault we failed to remind ourselves we are straight 24/7 all the time.”

“The moment we let our guard down for just a short split second, we suddenly become gay af because someone happen to suggest homosexuality can find more social currency.”

“It is almost as if we were by default gay, but put on a straight, brave front as performance.”

“It is like we are so weak in the flesh, we cannot avoid being tempted to choose the gay way, which as we have since found out, is the one and only true way.”

“We have no choice but to live with our true gay identity as a nation from now on because homosexuality is just too powerful for anyone to defy.”


Yale College faculty resolution disappointing, says Tommy Koh.

Yale College faculty resolution disappointing, says Tommy Koh.

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He gives his four reasons.

Tommy Koh made floppy hair mainstream before Chen Show Mao did.

Two weeks ago, the faculty at Yale College in New Haven sat around for a few hours, put together three paragraphs and sent it out letting everybody within earshot know that they are very, very displeased about Yale-NUS coming to pass.

This very important decision-making process is known as passing a resolution, very similar to tribal meetings on Survivor, but with more haggling.

Now, Tommy Koh, a Singapore diplomat who made floppy hair mainstream before Chen Show Mao did, claims the resolution completely ignores the potential benefits of the joint venture.

Here are his four reasons.

1. Yale-NUS, contrary to all the bad vibes, is good for both universities, as well as Asia and America.

Yale-NUS, he claims, will encourage students to learn from the grand traditions of East and West.

Therefore, intellectual engagement must be conducted on the basis of equality and mutual respect.

Tommy’s precise words? “The Yale faculty resolution seems to be inconsistent with this spirit and smacks of cultural arrogance and superiority.”

2. Asia is on the rise. China is the world’s second largest economy and Japan is third.

With every passing day, America’s engagement with Asia must reflect this changing reality.

It is no longer between a superior and an inferior.

The Yale faculty should be more humble.

Therefore, America must learn that it cannot prescribe the future for other countries.

3. Singapore and America subscribe to different sets of values.

Both countries are different because of different histories and circumstances.

It is unfair for the Yale faculty to criticise Singapore for its “lack of respect for civil and political rights” without acknowledging our country is only 47 years old and a First World type of thing.

Singapore is not perfect.

So isn’t America. (Not by a very long shot, seems to be the implication.)

4. Lastly, Singapore is committed to upholding the principles of non-discrimination.

Look, we have one of the world’s most diverse populations.

Women are gaining ground on men.

There is no ethnic or religious strive.

We might not be as tolerant towards sexual minorities as in the West, but we have to progress at a pace that Singaporeans are accustomed to.

In other words, we’re working on it.

To conclude, Tommy wants to say that the Yale-NUS College will kick ass and have a strategic significance in the partnership between Asia and America in the 21st century.

This is a 60-second reduction of the original article published in The Sunday Times on April 15, 2012.