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Weed now legal in Singapore

Weed now legal in Singapore

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In light of recent social tensions in Singapore, the government has made legal the personal consumption cannabis, and plans to impose a national weed holiday where the grass will be sold at subsidised, means-tested rates.

The move is a controversial one, especially in a country where drug trafficking is punishable by death. Under the revised Misuse of Drugs act, cannabis will no longer be a controlled drug, but morphine, heroin, acid and the other usual suspects still remain under strict regulation.

“Unlike the other drugs, weed helps people relax. This is precisely what Singapore needs in today’s fast-paced society,” said Grassy Foo, a social development policy advisor at the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) who cited his experience studying in Amsterdam as his inspiration for the initiative.

Users of weed reportedly benefit from a more placid temperament, an increased appetite and some even report increased libido. These effects of cannabis, according to the MSF, will help ease the strained relations between locals and foreigners, government and people, racists and race apologists and with luck, may even increase the nation’s birth rate.

The ministry says it is talks with the Ministry of Education to distribute cannabis to students before the PSLE examinations in the event they get too stressed.

“Most parents feel uncomfortable with consuming drugs. In order to get them to back off from their children, we’re thinking of educating the students themselves on parental management. For example, they could learn how to build a bong using recycled plastic PET bottles during science classes, and then get their parents to try the device out,” said Foo.

“Parents need to be reminded to not be so kancheong. Let out kids have their childhood,” said Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong in a facebook post quoted out of context by New Nation.

But will there be enough weed to quell the collective angst of the nation?

These lovely blocks of grass are worth S$15,000, according to the Immigration and Checkpoints Authority (ICA).

According to a source at the Central Narcotics Bureau, the agency confiscates a ridiculous amount of weed every year, of which only a small portion is consumed by CNB officers while they are out getting blow jobs from seductive IT salesgirls. Yet due to anti-trafficking laws, the drugs cannot be disposed of overseas, nor can they be buried at Pulau Semakau.

“Therefore, from a storage point of view, it would be best if we could burn all that weed — which is slowly getting stale by the way — up once a year during a public holiday,” he said. “In fact, if the PAP wants to win the next elections in 2016, they should have a national weed bonfire so the opposition cannot rile up the angry crowd.”

Still, not all are in favour of this radical new policy.

“As a small time drug dealer, I’m appalled that the government is intervening into the underground drug market,” said Miss Tan, who is also in the loansharking business. “Making weed more accessible will only create dependency, especially among my Malay customers. If they want to smoke weed, they should work for it and sell the harder stuff. There’s no such thing as free lunch you know.”