Tag Archive | "singapore haze"

Vivian Balakrishnan gets downgraded to postman

Vivian Balakrishnan gets downgraded to postman

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Travels to Jakarta to deliver PM Lee’s letter and conduct small talk. Nothing gets done.

Alright, we knew Vivian was messed up. What we didn’t realise was how self-congratulatory he could get after making a huge song and dance about fixing the haze, and not actually fixing it.

Patting himself on the back in a Facebook note on Friday evening for going to Jakarta to “personally deliver PM Lee’s letter to President SBY” (by hardcopy I would assume, because Indonesian email doesn’t work?), Vivian then proceeded to boss his Indonesian counterpart, Balthasar Kambuaya around.

Vivian gives himself a thumbs up at 845pm on Friday

Vivian gives himself a thumbs up at 845pm on Friday

Seriously, we did not make up his name.

 

This was what happened, in summary:

1) Vivian complains to Indonesia about the haze

2) Balthasar agreed that the situation sucked and they were going to use water bombs.

3) Vivian learnt that Indonesia had identified 8 offending plantation companies, and urged Balthasar to investigate and prosecute the companies.

4) Vivian told Balthasar to sign the 11 year-old ASEAN haze agreement which had been sitting in parliament because no one gives a shit.

5) Vivian offers to help Balthasar put out the fire and work on sustainable agriculture management projects.

 

Here’s what’s missing:

1) Actual action from Singapore to fix the haze

2) Taking some fucking responsibility for the situation since the 8 suspected companies are likely to be listed in Singapore, instead of passing on the blame

3) Promises to prosecute the suspected companies should investigations prove to identify the culprits, instead of leaving it up to the weak enforcement institutions in Indonesia (hey, they know it too)

 

Vivian says “All in all, it was a good meeting, but we need to see results on the ground”.

Yeah, show some results please.

In the meantime, Indonesian firefighters battle forest fires in Sumatra island while Singapore firefighters wait to get deployed. (AFP PHOTO / HAFIZ ALFARISSI)

In the meantime, Indonesian firefighters battle forest fires in Sumatra island while Singapore firefighters wait to get deployed. (AFP PHOTO / HAFIZ ALFARISSI)

Non-smokers all downgraded to PES D

Non-smokers all downgraded to PES D

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SAF begins experimenting with “lung enhancement projects” for national security

The potential enemy having a smoke in Indonesia.

The potential enemy having a smoke in Indonesia. AP Photo

All non-smoking National Servicemen have been declared combat unfit and will be downgraded to PES D in the beginning of August. This is in light of the recent haze which has left most men in PES A unable to complete their IPPT.

To make up for the shortfall in soldiers, the SAF will be upgrading existing smokers to combat fit status.

“Usually I finish my 2.4km run in the tenth position. Today I finished in second place wor!” said NSman Sio Hoon Kee who credits his current fitness to at least three sticks of Marlboro Menthol a day.

Local marathon hero Mok Ying Ren who finished in first place was unable to comment due to a severe coughing fit, though he was declared unable to finish the rest of his IPPT.

The SAF has already begun experimenting with lung enhancement techniques, which range from smoking three sticks of army-issued cigarettes a day, to completing the Standard Obstacle Course in a full pack with an additional shisha pipe, to living in a Breath Optimising Natural Growth room filled with less than half the oxygen found in normal air.

NSmen which pass the lung enhancement course will undergo further training during the Hungry Ghost Festival where they are expected to clear barrels of ash in simulation of an invasion in Sumatra.