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Foreign workers dormitories to be built in fourth dimension

Foreign workers dormitories to be built in fourth dimension

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First batch of flats to be completed by 2016

An example of a flat in the fourth dimension. Artist's impression.

An example of a flat in the fourth dimension. Artist’s impression.

Singapore will build flats for foreign workers in the fourth dimension to free up space on the island for HDB flats, said the housing ministry on Thursday.

The first block of flats are slated for completion by 2016. While extensive testing on long-tailed macaques caught off the island’s reservoirs have showed that living in the fourth dimension is not fatal, reports say that the fourth dimension is still not fit for human habitation.

“The monkeys that we used for initial testing were disoriented when they arrived back to the 3-D world as their backsides and heads were interchanged. They were also unable to perform basic tasks like washing dishes 16-hours a day, seven days a week,” said the project’s lead researcher at A*Star, Star di Hardt.

“Furthermore, we are unable to stabilise the portals to the fourth dimension at this point in time. The three portals that we created in the lab ‘escaped’ to the public realm and caused sinkholes.”

But the government insists that these problems are merely challenges that can be solved over time.

“We have a housing crunch that we must fix. At the same time, we need the foreign workers so we can complete the flats for all the young couples that have already ordered their BTO homes,” said housing minister Khaw Boon Wan.

“Don’t tell me about the laws of physics that we have to bend. With proper planning, anything is possible. You must trust the government. Living in the fourth dimension can be quite comfortable, and humane.”

Other MPs echoed his view, chiding New Nation for being overly negative.

“You must ask yourself, what can we do to make Singapore a better place? There are so many foreigners loitering on our unused public fields, littering and making noise on Sunday night during their off day. This has led to many of my residents complaining. Now instead of putting them in a community centre far away in Jurong, we can put them in the fourth dimension instead, where they will be forever out of sight until we need their services,” said the MP who requested for anonymity.