Tag Archive | "scribes and pharisees"

Lady toilet cleaner does a Jesus, disperses mob of thousands

Lady toilet cleaner does a Jesus, disperses mob of thousands

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In other news, space turd freeze-dried, returned to Earth.

Black Jesus. Photo: KAREN APRICOT

CHINA — Sixty-one-year-old Zhu Xinqin is a toilet cleaner in Urumqi, the capital of China’s Xinjiang region that saw ethnic violence erupt between minority Muslim Uighur and the dominant Han ethnic group in July 2009.

The toilet she cleans is situated beside a Uighur-owned restaurant at the South Gate of the city where Han and Uighur quarters meet.

Barely two months after the memorable Urumqi riots that left 200 dead and 1,700 injured, thousands of Han Chinese showed up at the South Gate protesting against the government after a spate of mysterious syringe attacks.

Knowingly or otherwise, she did a Jesus by misquoting Him (that one where He was confronted by scribes and Pharisees with the adultress): “They wanted to smash the Uighur restaurant next to my toilet, but I sat in front of the eatery and told them I would report to the police whoever threw the first stone. They went away,” Zhu recalled.


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Space turd freeze-dried, returned to Earth

Did NASA invent modern toilets? Image: MIKE LICHT

SOMEWHERE IN SPACE — In space, since no one can hear you flush (except ET), you might have some privacy.

But since it is a vacuum out there with zero gravity, getting bowels to move naturally becomes a problem.

And according to John Grunsfeld, a 52-year-old astronaut with five space missions under his belt spanning from 1995 to 2009, the lack of gravity makes “going poop” an unpleasant experience.

Grunsfeld describes the experience as sitting on what is similar to an airplane toilet, but with straps to secure bums firmly onto seat, as suction is used to transport bowels out the rear, due to the lack of gravity.

Once mission accomplished? Exit material is freeze-dried, stored on the shuttle and brought back to planet Earth, Grunsfeld said.

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