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Sarawak Chief Minister protests destructive dam

Sarawak Chief Minister protests destructive dam

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From our Malaysian correspondent:

KUCHING: North Borneo has been weighing on the minds of many Malaysians recently as the harmony of Sarawak’s financial extraction has been threatened. Conservationist Chief Minister Taib Mahmud is protesting against the Penan, Kayan and Kenyah people and their destructive tribal dams that damage his money-making environment.

Sarawak’s indigenous tribes form a dam to halt the flow of money into suspicious offshore accounts.

“These tribes are trying to block the flow of wealth into my Swiss Bank accounts with their protest dams,” Chief Minister Taib told reporters, “these beautiful and historic rivers of loot have been flowing into my pockets for many years. Why do they need to be dammed to protect the welfare of people who aren’t me?”

Lucky longhouse dwellers affected by Sarawakian hydroelectric projects can enjoy a permanent resettlement holiday courtesy of the state government.

Lucky longhouse dwellers affected by Sarawakian hydroelectric projects can enjoy a permanent resettlement holiday courtesy of the state government.

“In addition to our ‘fastest in the world’ logging operation,” he continued, “Sarawak has plans to build a dozen hydroelectric plants. We can sell the unnecessary electricity and attract massive industrial investment to keep our gravy train of cash commissions flowing. It is our duty to destroy these unwanted ecosystems and villages so future generations of corrupt politicians can enjoy the beauty of tall green piles of suspiciously earned cash!”

Tribal chieftain 70-year-old Lenjau Tusau was unmoved, “We have seen the Balui River destroyed by the Bukun hydroelectric plant and are very worried about the Murum plant under construction. We will continue to construct tribal protest dams to protect our ancestral homes.”

The money flowing from this project will hit offshore bank accounts like a mighty river.

This 2500 megawatt hydroelectric plant was built to provide vitally needed electricity for the Prime Minister’s residence in Putrajaya.

“If these displaced tribes were unhappy,” replied a spokesman for Sarawak Energy, “they should have sent an email to customer service. The website is there for anyone with WIFI to use!”

“Ultimately I want future generations of my family to enjoy the beauty and wonder of MACC unchecked capital outflows,” said Taib before ordering more arrests, “Why wont these natives respect my right to preserve corruption?”