Tag Archive | "PUB"

PUB discouraging students from fapping in shower

PUB discouraging students from fapping in shower

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They are giving out digital timers to 90,000 students to limit showers to under five minutes.

This is real news. Even New Nation cannot make this shit up.

Here’s some real news for you: National water agency, PUB, has come up with an ingenious idea to save water.

They are going to teach school children how to do a “shower dance”.

Plus, they are distributing up to 90,000 waterproof digital timers to students to encourage them to take showers that do not last more than five minutes, as each additional minute in the shower will cost Singapore nine litres of precious water.

What cannot be confirmed at press time though: Insiders familiar with this development say that this measure is a direct response to the increase of sex scandals in Singapore in 2012 and the relevant ministries are trying their best to police the unsavoury bathroom habits of the population, starting from those in primary school.

Currently, this tie-up is between PUB, MinCRAP (Ministry of Corruption Reduction and Prevention) and the Ministry of Education, which has a history of only employing virgins as teachers.

Most students interviewed said the digital timer is a stupid idea.

And the “shower dance” is even more retarded.

One primary two student, who is too embarrassed to be named and called a Singaporean, said: “The last thing I want is to fap at the balcony because I cannot do it in the bathroom. And who knows? I might end up on STOMP because some idiot likes to point a camera into my house and take pictures of what I do in my own home. Bastards.”

A parent of three children, also said: “The government is obviously running out of ideas. All they have to do is build park benches, lay roads and keep the economy humming and not start bullshit initiatives like these at the expense of taxpayers’ money, so that they can look like they are meeting their KPIs for 2012 and 2013.”

Singapore is already a country renowned for inane laws such as the banning of chewing gum.

It looks set to go down into the anals of history as the country that polices the tender, private moments of individuals who are only beginning to discover the full spectrum of the joys of the human body.

Floodwater caused ponding in many parts of Singapore

Floodwater caused ponding in many parts of Singapore

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Deceased RWS dolphin sends storm warning to island-state.

A massive torrential downpour struck all parts of Singapore on Friday afternoon resulting in floodwater causing ponding to occur in various parts of the island.

Enjoy water skiing? Why not head down to Yishun every time it rains? Or go to where the ponding is! Photo stolen from Sailesh Aswath.

A Public Utilities Board spokesperson, Loh Tua Hor, said the ponding was a result of unforeseen stormy weather and we shouldn’t focus on reporting such negative aspects of urban living in Singapore.

We should be more like The Straits Times, for example, where there is more good news than the Bible.

However, a professional medium consulted by New Nation said the ominous dark skies at 430 p.m. on a Friday afternoon is in fact a warning issued by Mother Nature, who is bent on fighting back against humanity’s evil ways the same way Na’vi inhabitants of Pandora fought back against humans in the movie, Avatar.

A day after a RWS dolphin died on its way to Singapore, Mother Nature sends its wrath. Photo stolen from Xue Jianyue.

It is believed that the originator of the weather warning is from the recently deceased Resorts World Sentosa male bottlenose dolphin, Wen Wen, who died on Thursday while on its way from the Philippines to Singapore, where it was supposed to spend the rest of its existence entertaining humans in an aquarium.

Zhou Tang Kee, the medium, said: “RWS thinks it can get away with this. It won’t. Nature works in mysterious ways.”

“It will take 10,000 years before this sin can be washed away.”

RIP Wen Wen. Those bastards will pay.

Paranoia is a legitimate feeling

Paranoia is a legitimate feeling

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Especially if you spend too much time online.

By Belmont Lay

It is difficult not to feel paranoid online some times.

If you’ve been following the news, you might have heard about the hoax propagated by the Temasek Review Facebook fan page and a blog called Temasek Revealed stating that a 19-year-old Singapore Armed Forces serviceman was shot dead during training.

Pretty terrifying stuff, right?

Subsequently, MINDEF came out pretty quickly to debunk the hoax. Kudos to them.

You heard of this too, didn’t you? Wait, you mean you have a conspiracy theory with regards to that, you say?

Now get a load of this: The website TR Emeritus is denying it has any ties with the hoaxers at Temasek Review Facebook fan page or Temasek Revealed and that these entities are run by different people and administrators.

Nobody knows who these people are anyways, but that’s supposed to add to the paranoia, right?

And to make things even more confusing, TR Emeritus is claiming to be different and not associated with another previous blog called Temasek Review Emeritus that has apparently been shut down with some police investigation pending.

Well, if you think that someone, somewhere is screwing with your mind right now, yes, it is definitely a legitimate feeling.

Because get a load of this too: The Public Utilities Board is planning to spend $750 million of taxpayers’ money to fight floods in the next five years.

Look, if any government is going to spend three-quarters of a billion dollars to make drains bigger, I mean seriously, anything can happen, right?

Especially after Vivien Balakrishnan said two weeks ago that planning for droughts should be a priority for Singapore.

I mean, GTFO, right?