Tag Archive | "phallic"

S’poreans alert The New Paper’s Melvin Singh to phallic hopscotch at Marina Square

S’poreans alert The New Paper’s Melvin Singh to phallic hopscotch at Marina Square

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They cannot wait for him to write a lengthy opinion piece about how it harms his virginal eyes.

Photo stolen from Royston Boh

Photo stolen from Royston Boh

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who do not see dirty things everywhere they look and think that it harms their virgin eyes, have alerted Melvin Singh from The New Paper to a phallic hopscotch at Marina Square’s SG50 exhibition.

This after Melvin Singh wrote about how he is able to see offensive things and this would instigate bullying, which is ultimately the victim’s fault because people are generally idiots.

One Singaporean, Ji Kee Lan, said they hope this phallic hopscotch shape can inspire more Pulitzer Prize-winning articles from TNP’s Melvin Singh: “I’m sure if Melvin Singh saw this, he can write a 3,000-word column saying that the phallic hopscotch will make people offended and then link it to racial riots and racism.”

Other Singaporeans said Melvin Singh will probably be able to use this offensive phallic hopscotch shape to talk about how there is a need to be careful about harassment, as this image can penetrate one’s consciousness and life, and make people angry.

Another local, Ngerng Liap Kiew, said: “I look forward to reading Melvin Singh’s piece in The New Paper talking about how this phallic-shaped hopscotch will lead to paedophilia and rape, and Singapore’s return to the Malaysia Federation.”

“I also hope to see how he can link this to the fortifying of opposition’s position in Singapore, which leads to this country’s downfall, and ultimately, this phallic hopscotch is most likely Chee Soon Juan and SDP’s fault.”

“And when PAP loses more seats in parliament, he can link back to this phallic hopscotch also.”

At press time, Singaporeans wait with bated breath for Melvin Singh to completely lose his shit.






Overnight raid in Geylang sees authorities seize 500kg of immoral durians

Overnight raid in Geylang sees authorities seize 500kg of immoral durians

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Sellers could face life imprisonment or death penalty.


Singapore’s war on immoral fruits hit a high note Saturday as authorities carried out an overnight raid in Geylang, sending sellers of durian with objectionable shapes and sizes scrambling to evade arrest.

More than 500kg of immoral fruits were seized in the raids as authorities work round the clock to uncover another several thousand kilograms of it stashed in warehouses all over the island.

Calling for stiff sentences to be meted out as a deterrent to others, Chief Police Superintendent See Baey Tng, said while prodding at the balls of flesh of the confiscated durians: “As you can tell, these carefully cultivated durians were grown to titillate the senses.”

“When you put it in your mouth, it explodes on your taste buds, giving you a rich and creamy sensation. People who are not used to the shape and taste might gag initially, but it really grows on you.”

“But what is objectionable is that they put unattainable standards in the minds of women and fetch a high price in the black market, as they are believed to be aphrodisiacs, besides being known to make people giggle.”

“Hence, Singapore needs to take a firm and hard stance against this type of fruit peddling. We cannot simply take things lying down and allow these fruits to penetrate our society’s consciousness.”

Regular-shaped durians have traditionally been imported from Malaysia, but this anatomically-exaggerated variety are believed to have come from Africa.

Singaporeans who heard about the arrests and fruit confiscation were glad action has been taken before things got out of hand and all over their belly.

Jin Deng, a local said: “Clandestine operations that undermine Singapore’s Asian Values and shatter our virginal paradise image must be stopped.”

“I’m glad the authorities have reacted, before things got thorny,” he said while putting on his sunglasses as The Who came on.


First, it was the cactus:

Authorities censor Gardens By The Bay cactus that grew longer than originally planned