Tag Archive | "north-south"

North-South, East-West line breakdown unites S’poreans

North-South, East-West line breakdown unites S’poreans

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Singaporeans bond over calls to commit hara-kiri, meditate on their role in Singapore’s natural aristocracy.


Singaporeans from all walks of life who are experiencing the complete collapse of the SMRT North-South and East-West lines system say they feel united as one people, one nation and one Singapore.

This after the breakdown brought a large number of Singaporeans together to commiserate with one another.

One Singaporean, Zuo Huang Di, said: “The last time I saw this many thousands of Singaporeans hanging out together was at Workers’ Party rally in Hougang, where Singaporeans turned up in droves and were united as one.”

“This 7/7/2015 complete collapse of the SMRT system really brings us back to those good times, and now at a time like this, it allows for each and every Singaporean to meditate on our role in this natural aristocracy.”

Other Singaporeans said given this current climate of immobility, it is a good time to put their heads together to go through the list of those who should take responsibility and commit hara-kiri.

Another Singaporean, Qu Zi Sah, said: “As the minion class, we deserve this cattle class treatment.”

“But it is also a good time to contemplate who in the upper management will need to commit hara-kiri because according to National Development Minister Khaw Boon Wan, those who cause lapses to occur must commit suicide via hara-kiri, as a matter of atonement and accepting responsibility for failure.”

At press time, other Singaporeans say they are already looking forward to more of such gatherings to allow locals to bond together in large groups as reliability of SMRT train services is increasing.








SMRT North South Line train undergoes routine breakdown on March 12, further improves reliability

SMRT North South Line train undergoes routine breakdown on March 12, further improves reliability

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SMRT sticking to daily breakdown routine, will be awarded ISO 9000 certification soon.


An SMRT North South Line train broke down right on cue on March 12, 2015, in the afternoon, which cemented the transport operator’s pledge to improve reliability of train malfunctions so that they can occur predictably everyday instead of as and when it happens.

This occurred one day after it was announced in parliament that MRT reliability has improved as breakdowns are happening daily instead of unpredictably.

Singaporeans from all walks of life who like to take public transport because trains are for rich people said they are glad that SMRT will soon be awarded the ISO 9000 quality management certification for breakdowns as they can orchestrate the exact timing of train faults to within 30 minutes of the scheduled time.

The onus is now on SBS Transit trains to break down more routinely as it is leaving commuters guessing when exactly will the next malfunction happen.

Kuai Dian Huai, a local, said SBS Transit’s unpredictable breakdown schedule is taking a toll on commuters: “I have no idea when exactly to make plans for alternative transport arrangements as a result.”

“It is almost like riding blind. I cannot anticipate if SBS Transit North East Line trains will spoil today, tomorrow or next week.”

“This highly unreliable schedule is making taking the train a hassle.”

“SBS Transit really needs to buck up if they want the ISO 9000 certification as well.”


Breakdowns have to be more reliable to make it easier for commuters:

MRT reliability has improved as breakdowns happening daily instead of unpredictably

Consecutive train breakdowns leave commuters in disbelief

Consecutive train breakdowns leave commuters in disbelief

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More dry humping. More buttocks rubbing buttocks action.

For the second day in a row, MRT commuters are forced to dry hump and rub buttocks against buttocks.

Yup, Dec. 15 is dry-humping-buttocks-rubbing-crowded alright.

This second incident is reminiscent of the events the day before on Dec. 14, where commuters were unwittingly made to create bodily friction because the Circle Line train system went tits up during morning peak hour commute.

The day before on Dec. 14, the Circle Line catastrophe saw an unprecedented number of dry humping and buttocks-on-buttocks action.

This time, the North-South line on Dec. 15 experienced technical difficulties that caused a shut down of all travel between Bishan and Marina Bay stations. The meltdown occurred some time around 7 p.m. during rush hour peak period.

Some commuters were reportedly held up in carriages that ran out of fresh air, lights and air-condition for as long as 45 minutes when trains came to a standstill underground. In an attempt to not meet the maker, a carriage glass door panel was reportedly smashed to allow life-giving sustenance to enter.

It is heartening to know that Singaporeans can take the initiative. Amen.

After passengers were evacuated through tunnel shafts that were meant for the smooth flowing of our First World transportation system, many proceeded with the walk of shame to find alternative means to get home.

This is SMRT's walk of shame. These are the commuters who have been let down. Many, and I mean many, missed an episode of something on TV because the train stopped working.

Remember, these are the same people who cannot afford cars because COE prices have let them down and where peak-hour taxi fares can cost more than air tickets from Bangkok to Singapore.

At 11 p.m. at City Hall MRT station, station staff were on hand to divert people out to alternative forms of transportation.

"Am I supposed to get the fuck out from there?"

Lastly, we leave you with feedback from a disheartened commuter:

“Look, I studied hard, did my ‘A’ Levels, scored distinctions to get to uni, hauled my ass through four years in uni and came out looking for a decent job. I’ve worked hard for the last few years but I cannot afford a car still. That’s ok. But is it so fucking hard to ask for the public transportation system to work properly? I’ve done my part being an upright citizen serving NS, contributing to CPF and paying taxes, so why can’t the public service return me the fucking favour? Is it fucking too much to ask for?”