Tag Archive | "National Day Rally 2013"

S’porean superhero priced out of car market, fights crime by taking train

S’porean superhero priced out of car market, fights crime by taking train

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Feels National Day Rally 2013 failed to address his concerns as crime fighter.

VR Man II, who only wants to reveal his surname as Lye

VR Man II, who only wants to reveal his surname as Lye

It is hard being a superhero these days.

If you want to find out how hard, just ask VR Man II — the only crime fighting superhero left in Singapore.

Part of his job everyday, besides fighting crime in Singapore, is helping old ladies cross the road and prevent fallen leaves from clogging drains.

Be it molest cases, gang fights or illicit blow jobs for business deals, VR Man II has seen it all and brought all perpetrators to justice.

He has been on the job for more than 15 years and has been a key component in the CPIB.

However, since some time recently, he has been down on his luck.

High cost of living plus ever-increasing hefty prices involved in raising his two children to be upright citizens like him means he can no longer afford to drive in Singapore.

VR Man II, who declined to reveal his real name except his surname is Lye, said: “Now that I don’t own a car, I am reduced to taking public transport to fight crime.”

“But sometimes, people scream when they see me”, he continued sheepishly, “because they think I am a masked rapist.”

And his plight is even worse than everyone else because his concerns were not addressed by Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong at the National Day Rally 2013 last night.

Lye said: “The National Day Rally last night was supposed to be for every Singaporean. But it is obvious one segment was left out of PM Lee Hsien Loong’s address: Superheroes.”

So what does he hope will get better in the future?

“Superhero got MRT concession price anot?”, VR Man II asked, with a tear in his eye.

Project Jewel at Changi will be a one-boob wonder

Project Jewel at Changi will be a one-boob wonder

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However, Singaporeans worry structure might titillate pilots preparing for landing.

project-jewel

Have you gotten really tired of the cliched phrase “as flat as an airport runway?”

Well, in a bid to alleviate the boringness of it all, the Singapore government has sanctioned the building of a one-boob wonder of a building codenamed Project Jewel.

Now the flat runway comes with at least one boob.

This was revealed at the National Day Rally 2013 by Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong.

The one-boob wonder will provide Man with everything they ever wanted: Hours upon hours of fun and nourishment — as it will be a one-stop shopping and eating hub.

However, some Singaporeans interviewed said they were against the idea of a one-boob wonder of a building right smack in Changi Airport.

One SIA stewardess, Li Jing Mei, said: “I feel very vulnerable knowing that the Project Jewel building will be visible from the sky. Pilots coming into Singapore air space and this is the first thing they see.”

Others though, are more optimistic.

Designer Yi Ta Li, said: “I’m pretty sure they will come up with Project Jewel 2 pretty soon.”

Air-conditioned glass dome to be built over S’pore

Air-conditioned glass dome to be built over S’pore

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To make the island-state feel more inclusive. Literally.

dome

To make Singapore a more inclusive place for everyone of every stripe to feel included, the government has laid out plans to build a giant air-conditioned dome over the island-state.

The dome will provide people on the island a general sense of inclusiveness. Because it will keep them enveloped all the time.

This plan was laid out last night during the National Day Rally 2013 by Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong.

Singaporeans interviewed reacted positively as they said a covered dome is the real definition of inclusiveness.

Bao Qi Lai, a Singaporean, said: “All these talk about being welcoming to foreigners and making your fellow Singaporeans feel like they matter are hollow words.”

Another local, Wo De Jia, said: “This is dome, truly, where I know I must be.”

Singaporeans sleep better at night after National Day Rally speech

Singaporeans sleep better at night after National Day Rally speech

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Landmark speech found to be cure for insomnia

landmark

Approximately 2.5 million Singaporeans, 1 million permanent residents and all foreign workers in Singapore slept better on Sunday night after listening to Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong’s national day rally speech after dinner. This, despite the fact that only 10 people were actually paying attention to the speech as it was broadcasted throughout the nation on various television stations after dinner time.

“Boredom is contagious, and transmitted through yawning. So you only need a single person to yawn at the coffee shop to infect the rest of the patrons around – even those not watching the speech,” said professional sleep therapist Yao Shui Jiao.

According to Yao, who is working on a seminal book titled “Rally speeches as sleep therapy: the soporific effects of PM Lee”, the prime minister’s landmark speech could be implemented in other countries, particularly urban cities that never sleep. However, Yao also warns that the execution of the speech elsewhere requires close monitoring as it could prove to be fatal for those listening in.

“Nabeh! I watching my Crystal Palace match halfway and halfway through, when I turned around to order one more beer, I caught a glimpse of the national day rally speech. Wa lao eh! I nearly kenna bored to death lor! Close shave sia!” said kopitiam patron who wanted to be known as Uncle Stout.

NUS University Cultural Centre becomes White Elelphant again in 2013

NUS University Cultural Centre becomes White Elelphant again in 2013

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This after the National Day Rally 2013 moved to ITE College Central instead.

nus-ucc

In an unexpected twist of fate, the NUS University Cultural Centre (NUS UCC) has once again become a White Elephant this year.

This after the National Day Rally 2013 was held at the ITE College Centre.

The National Day Rally has been held every year at the NUS UCC since 2001.

NUS UCC was opened in September 2000.

And the purpose for the National Day Rally to be held at the NUS UCC every year is meant to warm the seats and fill the air with some warmth from humanity as the place is used for nothing much throughout the year.

One NUS passer-by, Kang Jing Guo, said: “This place sees very little activity every year already. Without the National Day Rally held here, the total number of visitors to this place would have fallen by 95 percent.”

“If the UCC was a live pet dog, it would be more humane to just shoot it to put it down.”

Others, however, take a different view.

Jiang Zhen De, a local, said: “If PM Lee going to give the rally at an ITE can even be considered news, then it must say a lot about our priorities.”