Tag Archive | "MOE"

Foreplay caused improper grammar usage in MOE Facebook note

Foreplay caused improper grammar usage in MOE Facebook note

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Female social media administrator incorrectly used the word “redress” instead of “address”.

The Ministry of Education published a Facebook note on July 4 in response to critics’ charge that the organisation in charge of education is biased towards teachers who are virgins.

However, the social media note ended up using the wrong grammar and has dunked the MOE’s Facebook administrator in hot water.

The sentence in question?

“But let us take this opportunity to redress the issue”.

This is incorrect. The correct term should have been “address” instead of “redress”.

Following internal investigations, it was discovered that the culprit for bludgeoning grammar is a 21-year-old female social media administrator for MOE named Lai Shuo Kan.

Lai Shuo Kan is a harlot for posting such photos on her Facebook.

She admitted to having foreplay the night before with her boyfriend, resulting in the wrongful use of grammar when she was composing the note as her mind was still muddled up with impure thoughts.

She also confessed to eating strawberries with whipped cream while lying on her boyfriend’s chest, revealing her right knee, which MOE regards as inappropriate dressing even for after office hours.

She should have covered her legs all the way to her ankles.

Later, she went home to shower and took off all her clothes in the process, further proving once and for all she’s a harlot because she got naked.

A spokesperson familiar with the case, said: “We have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to our staff behaving like harlots and committing carnal sins.”

This case is set to go down into the anals of history as it is the first time MOE has referred a female social media administrator to the Ministry of Corruption Reduction And Prevention (MinCRAP) for rehabilitation.

To prove that action speaks louder birds, MinCRAP has in recent weeks taken a tough approach against sexual corruption ever since charges were brought against ex-SCDF commissioner Peter Lim who had sexy times with different women in exchange for business deals.

An Anti Sex Squad (ASS) has already been established and more than 600 people have been arrested and taken into custody the past three weeks for being in secluded locations at night without a valid reason.

Those arrested or referred to MinCRAP are taken into custody and brought to Sim Lim Tower where they are reminded of the greatest good.

As all public servants have already been issued a personal exercise book that is to be carried around during and after office hours, they have to take it out and copy the lines seen outside the Sim Lim Tower 500 times once they are brought there.

Sexual Misconduct is the root of all evils. Repeat 500 times.

This is done while kneeling down to aid reflection.

MOE to relaunch Virginity Protection Programme for teachers

MOE to relaunch Virginity Protection Programme for teachers

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Programme is making a comeback to ensure more teachers remain undefiled, responsible and morally upright.

Abstinence and mainstream values key to remaining sexually inexperienced.

The Ministry of Education is relaunching its controversial Virginity Protection Programme for single teachers fresh out of university to turn as many of them as possible into unmarried virgins.

According to a valuable inside source, the official standing order announced internally in the ministry this morning is that bachelors and spinsters who have never experienced penetration make better teachers who have mainstream values and are held up to be mascots of abstinence.

This conclusion was arrived at after a 30-minute round-table discussion and coincided with the news that an ex-MOE scholar who was found with kiddie porn while studying in Britain two years ago while on scholarship has been charged with porking an underage girl in Singapore after he came back.

Wanting to be known as Miss Tan, the insider source who cannot speak officially yet but who is too excited to remain silent about this new development, said: “The Virginity Protection Programme will end all problems caused by morally loose individuals who are single but yet are sexually experienced. It served our education system well before, and it will do so from now on with this comeback.”

Started in 1965 shortly after Singapore gained independence, the Virginity Protection Programme was a semi-secretive attempt at social engineering by the State.

Although never officially acknowledged till today, the experiment involved randomly selecting hundreds of single teachers every year from schools all over the island and imparting them with survival skills to protect their virginity.

The various skills at maintaining chastity include: Wear a perm, don only floral prints, teach Chinese, pull a long face and refuse to put down the cane even after office hours.

The initial plan was to make these skills available to all male and female teachers.

However, due to a hiccup, the process to pick subjects for the programme in 1965 suffered from non-random selection as statistics then was associated with withcraft.

As a result, almost all teachers who were eventually chosen to participate in the programme were exclusively Miss Tans.

This explains why all students who studied in Singapore have encountered at least one unsmiling teacher named Miss Tan, who displayed the symptoms mentioned above and was old having devoted her entire life to the teaching service.

But as the sexually inactive participants suffered high levels of irritation, a disposition to frown, feeling unloved and uptight and displaying a propensity to cane things furiously, the programme was officially discontinued in 1985.

That was also the same year HIV was invented, and a year after General Election 1984 where the PAP failed to capture all seats in parliament for the first time since 1963.

Even though supporters of the programme since then have been working silently over the years plotting for the Virginity Protection Programme’s return, the two decades of implementation from 1965 to 1985 has been credited ever since in internal circles in hush-hush tones for producing the high math and science scores every year during Singapore’s formative years.

And if this comeback causes the past symptoms of participants to continue to re-emerge and persist, MOE is considering handing out chastity belts as the next line of action.

Reader is troubled by the state of sex education in Singapore

Reader is troubled by the state of sex education in Singapore

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Dear New Nation editor,

As a parent of an only son, I am deeply troubled by the recent news regarding the state of sexuality education in Singapore’s public schools.

It has been announced in the news that the focus has recently been shifted from contraception to abstinence and this is an area the religious and non-religious have been fighting about for the longest time.

I am very religious but I don’t know why there is so much fuss on telling youngsters about these issues in the first place, because the more it is mentioned to them, the more aware they are of it and the more likely they will do something that is wrong.

That is why, I have never talked about the birds and the bees with my son or will I ever broach the topic with him.

I know that I don’t have to because my son is normal and too young for such things. He will find out about the birds and the bees when he is ready to marry in the future and this is a topic best left to him and his future wife, and the religious counsellors.

I want him to be just like me: To find out about sex only after I got married.

Long before this sexuality education issue got its airing in public media, I have given it some thought: I wanted to protect my son so I have always sent him to a same-sex school.

Currently, my son is in secondary school. He is from an all-boys institution. Therefore, knowing this fact, I know for sure he will not feel any temptation with girls because he is surrounded only by other boys.

This was something I thought about when I first sent him there to study.

Needless to say, it is for this reason that I don’t like the idea of MOE going to my son’s school to teach the innocent boys about the birds and the bees. And even show them videos!

This will only make them more curious.

I know my boy. If he is really curious, he will refer to his religious texts for answers.

I also know for a fact my boy does not have any temptation. He is always hanging out with other boys his age.

He says he is not ready to date girls because he wants to give it more thought and I encourage his decision.

When he wants to hang out with his guy friends, I allow him. No questions asked. He even tells me they go for sleepovers at each others’ house or camps – at least four times a year.

During the semester, he is a very active student who spends a lot of his time in CCAs. He tells me his whereabouts so I know he spends most of his time in school.

He frequently brings his classmates and schoolmates home after school when my husband and I are away at work and I allow them.

This is better than for them to hang out at shopping centres and meeting gangsters or girls who would lead them astray.

But I am no prude: I encourage my boy to follow trends that are at the height of fashion. I allow him to go shopping at his favourite outlet in Orchard Road, Abercrombie & Fitch. I heard from my son the clothing there are affordable and the staff are tall and friendly.

I am proud to add that I have raised my son as a proper, hygienic and healthy child.

For example, he says grace before every meal.

I allow him to do his own laundry.

He also likes to take long showers, some times as often as three times a day.

I know Singapore’s weather is very hot and even after his third shower, he can look quite lethargic and drained.

Although he is a bit bookish and not very athletic, he takes a keen interest in sports such as water polo and dragon boating.

Whenever his school has a match or competition, he will be there to show his support.

He has even made several close friends with some of the water polo and dragon boat boys.

Even when his school’s water polo and dragon boat teams are not playing, he will go to the events to show support to other teams’ members.

Not only that, my son makes friends of all ages.

He is very sociable.

Once, I found many photos of him with two older men taken around Tanjong Pagar area. I am very proud! My boy says he is looking to intern around that area once he is done with secondary school! So ambitious right, Central Business District!

And almost all of his friends on Facebook are male.

I know many other parents out there are always concerned about their children. But not for me.

I never find magazines such as FHM or Maxim under his bed.

I only find plenty of body building magazines and Men’s Health magazines. They show a lot of photos of shirtless men in various body building or workout poses.

This inspires my boy to bulk up his build, which I support.

Last but not least, I hope the government can be sensible and do the right thing with regards to the sexuality education issue.

They should ban it like chewing gum.

Yours sincerely,
Confident Mother of Only Son