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He said NO?!

He said NO?!

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As strange as it might seem, men reject sex too.

By Charlene Chia, for the writing contest.

Image: DUCKofD3ath

JOSIAH, 19, is a boyish charmer many girls would love to date. He’s a school debater, articulate and well-dressed. He’s every inch a babe magnet. His Facebook profile says that he’s interested in meeting women as he’s looking for a relationship. He’s been through two relationships – the only unusual thing about him is his belief in abstinence.

By this, Josiah means that love is much more than sex. “I once saw an old woman, wheelchair-bound and unable to move much. She was being fed by her husband, spoonful by spoonful. He would gently wipe away food that has dribbled from her mouth and it was obvious to anyone watching that he truly cared for his aged and disabled wife.”

“When I saw that scene, it struck me that, this is what I want. I want my relationship to be one that can last. I want it to be one that is comfortable with or without sex. I want to be able to love my partner and potentially future wife even when we are in our 60s and 70s and unable to have sex anymore. That is the relationship I’m looking for.”

With the rising tide of underage sex and pregnancy, it’s difficult to believe that any guy would break up with their girlfriend because she wouldn’t stop pressing him for sex.

“I know sex is common nowadays and most people jump into it without a second thought. But to me, there is more to a relationship than sex. If a relationship cannot exist without sex, then the only question I have is ‘What relationship is there?’”

To him, a relationship is about being together for the pleasure of each other’s company and understanding each other on a different level than friends do.

“My ex could not understand or accept that. If she couldn’t accept my point of view on such a critical issue then it just shows that we were not suited for each other.”

In most cases, it’s usually the girl who says no to sex. But the situation is reversed for him.

“Denying her of sex was probably one of the most terrible things I have done to her since I have never heard her use such strong words against me before.” Josiah says with a wry smile.

“She said things like, ‘what the hell you mean you don’t want? It’s not like you’re committing rape. You are fucking stubborn. I hate you!’”


“I felt like I was dating playboy bunny, she started to dress more skimpily than usual and behaving less appropriately. My girlfriend didn’t exist anymore.” — Josiah

“I feel sad for those who reject sex. They are missing out on a lot.” — Walid

“I wouldn’t give up my religious views or cast them aside just because the rest of the world is behaving differently.” — Colin

Perhaps the one thing that really baffles us is the possibility that a straight guy does not want sex. A lot of men tend to jump at the offer of sex from a hot girl. The general consensus is that the more girls a man scores with, the manlier he is.

However, the world rarely stops to consider the fact that men have different backgrounds influencing their everyday lives and how they think.

Colin Chia, 22, a social volunteer, feels that if a girl cannot understand that sex to him is something important and should be kept between a married couple, she is disregarding his principles and his beliefs.

“As a Christian, I believe that marriage and sex is something sacred. The very least my girlfriend can do is to respect my decision,” he says vehemently.

“I think if we were to have partners before marriage, it will be something that casts a shadow on our future relationships. Many of my female friends who are dating have at one point or another said they were worried their boyfriends will compare them with the other girls they have done. I don’t plan to put that kind of stress on my girlfriend.”

This might come across as old fashioned but it sure impresses the ladies.

Stella Leong, 18, a Junior College student, says, “These men must be big on morals and principles. It’s rare and really nice to know they are still out there. I thought chivalry no longer existed. They are a keeper!”

“It takes a real man to be able to do this. It’s usually the reverse that happens,” says Aranya, 19, a student. “I hope the guy I date in the future would have similar ideals.”

It’s never an easy task to stand by your own beliefs but Josiah perseveres. “Many of my male friends think that I’m a wuss for rejecting sex. But I know that women out there respect a man who is firm in what he believes and is able to do the right thing and that is good enough for me.”

Josiah’s friends are not the only ones who think that men who reject sex are “wusses”. Yan Zhi, a 20-year-old national service man said, “I’m someone who gives my girlfriend whatever she demands. I think breaking up over not having sex is the stupidest thing any guy can do.”

Walid Shah, a 19-year-old student, shares the same attitude, “A girl standing in front of you and saying she wants to sleep with you is probably the most irresistible thing on earth. I am not going to be a fool and say no!”

We may live in a world where sex is practiced freely and celebrity sex scandals and naked pictures are regular gossip fodder but men like Josiah and Colin still exists.

As Colin aptly puts it, “I think in a world where morality is becoming increasingly relative, people still respect a man who stays true to his convictions, principles and beliefs.”

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