Tag Archive | "LTA"

LTA to bring Thai discos to MRT stations

LTA to bring Thai discos to MRT stations

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Move said to prompted by increasing consumer dissatisfaction

In addition to free wifi, fans, buskers, costume parties and free door gifts, the Land Transport Authority (LTA) will be bringing Thai discos to MRT stations in a bid to improve customer satisfaction.

Commuters can enjoy a morning workout while waiting for trains to be fixed. Rides will never be the same again.

Commuters can enjoy a morning workout while waiting for trains to be fixed. Rides will never be the same again.

Consumer satisfaction on trains has been on a record decline as commuters become extremely bored during train breakdowns. According to New Nation’s very reliable survey, based on three people actually taking the train, commuters could be stuck at train stations for up to an hour.

“Most complaints filed to us indicate that boredom is the key reason for consumer dissatisfaction,” said LTA spokesperson Lay Dee Boyd. “Therefore we have decided to splash a few million on club entertainment on train carriages so commuters can be entertained while they wait for the tracks to be fixed with cable tie.”

According to LTA's estimations, each MRT carriage can fit at least 3 pole dancers comfortably.

According to LTA’s estimations, each MRT carriage can fit at least 3 pole dancers comfortably.

Boyd dismissed New Nation’s suggestion to allocate the budget to improving the tracks or trains, explaining that it would a colossal waste of taxpayer funds.

“The train breakdowns have nothing to do with how much we spend on repairing the tracks. We must move on from griping about train breakdowns and think about how to improve the situation, such as whether playing Lady Gaga on the trains would constitute support for the LGBT movement.”

 

2 in 10 S’poreans are rich douchebags

2 in 10 S’poreans are rich douchebags

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They just are.

2-in-10-singaporeans
Two in 10 Singaporeans are certified douchebags, a Land Transport Authority survey found.

This after 8 in 10 Singaporeans surveyed said they want certificates of entitlement (COE) to be recategorised because is is just too bloody expensive and unfair.

However, 2 in 10 Singaporeans did not have any objections to how COE is categorised and sold at the moment for exorbitant sums at all.

This means this group of individuals are rich douchebags who can afford anything.

Qiong Kwang Dan, a Singaporean man, said: “Steady lor, win already lor.”

A total of 3,700 respondents were surveyed by LTA. This makes the survey quite accurate in sampling Singaporeans as a whole.

So if you look around you, you can spot at least two douchebags in your vicinity.

S’poreans’ brains hurting from conflicting truths

S’poreans’ brains hurting from conflicting truths

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TURDS and DICKS from official sources causing pain and suffering to people.

mrt-train

Singaporeans from all walks of life are having a hard time as their brains are hurting from conflicting truths.

This after the Land Transport Authority is bitch-slapping SPH for posting an article alleging that the MRT network makes use of sub-standard wooden planks.

LTA has labelled the SPH article “inaccurate” and “irresponsible”.

This occurred a few days after The Singapore Army condemned the publicity stunt featuring fake NS men getting shouted at in the CBD on its Facebook page on Friday. It said it was ‘disappointed’ as it was not informed about it beforehand.

However, this statement is in conflict with the fact that SAFRA Radio and Cyberpioneer, both official media news channels for the Singapore Armed Forces, had been promoting the event on their Facebook pages on Friday.

Tao Jin Tia, a Singaporean Son, said: “Help my brain very pain! SAF say they weren’t informed but they clearly knew about it!”

“Now LTA scold SPH for writing false information!”

“Ng Eng Hen help me, I’m getting hit by TURDS (Threats Untruths Rumours Distortions and Smears) and DICKS (Disturbing Incriminations Crippling Knowledge Systems).”

Defence Minister Ng Eng Hen had said on Saturday that DRUMS (Distortions, Rumours, Untruths, Misinformation and Smears) could spread far and wide from the Internet and even cause confusion and chaos in Singapore.

Singaporeans then pointed out that FARTS, TURDS, DICKS were also threats to national defence.