Tag Archive | "lavatory"

Lady toilet cleaner does a Jesus, disperses mob of thousands

Lady toilet cleaner does a Jesus, disperses mob of thousands

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In other news, space turd freeze-dried, returned to Earth.

Black Jesus. Photo: KAREN APRICOT

CHINA — Sixty-one-year-old Zhu Xinqin is a toilet cleaner in Urumqi, the capital of China’s Xinjiang region that saw ethnic violence erupt between minority Muslim Uighur and the dominant Han ethnic group in July 2009.

The toilet she cleans is situated beside a Uighur-owned restaurant at the South Gate of the city where Han and Uighur quarters meet.

Barely two months after the memorable Urumqi riots that left 200 dead and 1,700 injured, thousands of Han Chinese showed up at the South Gate protesting against the government after a spate of mysterious syringe attacks.

Knowingly or otherwise, she did a Jesus by misquoting Him (that one where He was confronted by scribes and Pharisees with the adultress): “They wanted to smash the Uighur restaurant next to my toilet, but I sat in front of the eatery and told them I would report to the police whoever threw the first stone. They went away,” Zhu recalled.

Charming.

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Space turd freeze-dried, returned to Earth

Did NASA invent modern toilets? Image: MIKE LICHT

SOMEWHERE IN SPACE — In space, since no one can hear you flush (except ET), you might have some privacy.

But since it is a vacuum out there with zero gravity, getting bowels to move naturally becomes a problem.

And according to John Grunsfeld, a 52-year-old astronaut with five space missions under his belt spanning from 1995 to 2009, the lack of gravity makes “going poop” an unpleasant experience.

Grunsfeld describes the experience as sitting on what is similar to an airplane toilet, but with straps to secure bums firmly onto seat, as suction is used to transport bowels out the rear, due to the lack of gravity.

Once mission accomplished? Exit material is freeze-dried, stored on the shuttle and brought back to planet Earth, Grunsfeld said.

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Coming soon: Talking about toilets

Coming soon: Talking about toilets

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In the next two weeks, we’ll be poking at the topic of public toilets from all angles. Be prepared for loads of fun.

By Terence Lee

A toilet in Alcatraz. What did the prisoners do in there? Photo: TON HAEX / Creative Commons

NEXT to our bed, the office, and eating places, the toilet is probably the place where we spend the most time, although studies show that women spend almost twice the length of time in the lavatory as men.

Fortunately, women live longer too, which more than makes up for the time they spend preening in front of the mirror and fussing over tampons.

Let’s do a rough calculation: Assuming that a typical male spends fifteen minutes a day in the toilet, bathing, shitting, or masturbating, that works out to a total of 70 minutes a week, or 60 hours a year, or 200 days in a lifetime (assuming he lives till 80 years old).

For women, it could be a whole year.

So, if toilets are so important, why aren’t we spending as much time talking about it?

“You can judge the quality of a civilisation by the way it disposes its waste.” – American historian Lewis Mumford

In advanced economies, perhaps it’s because toilets are taken for granted.

In less developed countries, perhaps some places don’t even have toilets for someone to even begin talking about it.

Whatever the case, the New Nation editors decided that we should devote the next two weeks to it — a meagre effort at best, and surely not enough to turn toilets into a top ten dinner conversation topic.

But at least we want to start something.

So what can you expect? Plenty of toilet humour, for sure. And incidentally, we’ll feature discussions about social behaviour, gender inequality, the economy, health, and how all of these relate to the humble toilet.

Stay tuned as we bring you more good stuff.

In the meantime, check out our first in a series of toilet news!

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