Tag Archive | "land transport authority singapore"

Vortex to Hell found mainly inside MRT cabins?

Vortex to Hell found mainly inside MRT cabins?

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Superstitious beliefs prevent people from moving deeper into MRT cabins.

Singaporeans are apparently still hogging the space near the entrances inside of MRT cabins despite efforts by the Land Transport Authority to move them further inside.

The LTA has been studying ways to redesign the interior of carriages to encourage passengers to move in and not act like dead logs that refuse to barge, preventing the smooth coming and going of other commuters.

The removal of holding poles near the entrances to dissuade crowding has not improved the situation much as commuters have evolved a lower centre of gravity stance after watching Ip Man movies.

Rumours suggest the administration of electric shocks will be next, followed by the installation of flame throwers to deter crowding at entrances.

A majority of Singaporeans interviewed gave a host of superstitious reasons for not standing away from the entrances of MRT cabins.

A 34-year-old ex-con artist, who refused to be named citing the slow progress of the Yellow Ribbon Project changing mindsets of Singaporeans about people who were previously convicted, said: “I heard the inside of cabins is a vortex to Hades. If you stand there too long, it will drain your soul. That’s why I stand near the door.”

This is confirmed by at least one practising medium.

A 50-year-old self-proclaimed professional clairvoyant, Tua Pao Xian, said the vortex is a result of the psychic and physics intermingling.

“When you go above a certain speed while underground, the spirit world is aligned perfectly to the material world and the barrier to prevent the two worlds to collide is broken.”

He added: “Singaporeans must respect the underworld and mediums are necessary to keep the order of both worlds.”

Younger Singaporeans, though, also possess their own set of superstitious beliefs.

At least one of them believe that standing near MRT doors will improve his chances at love.

A 21-year-old national serviceman, Lin Ai Ren, said: “Standing near the door can meet more people, especially girls walking in and out. Who knows I might just meet my future wife under such circumstances?”

However, such anti-good etiquette behaviour has drawn criticism from all quarters, with some suggesting creative ways to get the recalcitrant to get lost.

An ex-hang man, who refused to be named fearing breaching the Official Secrets Act, said: “Those who don’t move in shall be executed.”

An express account of the North-South Expressway

An express account of the North-South Expressway

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PR lacking pizazz, but there is hope.

By Chong Zhi Ping

Courtesy: ivyidaong4.blogspot.com

On 15th of November, Land Transport Authority (LTA) announced the full alignment for the 21.5km long North-South Expressway (NSE) and the building of a few other roads to save drivers some precious time.

In case you are wondering why these road projects ring a bell, it’s because  one of it is destined to ruin our country’s fengshui by cutting through Bukit Brown Cemetery (aka BBC or president Tony’s ancestral tomb).

Now, LTA has made known that not only will the road project involve the bulldozing of BBC, but it’s also bound to steamroll pass, among others, Rochor Centre – a HDB estate housing more than 500 families with demographic comprising mostly of senior citizens, as well as Lee Ah Mooi Old Age Home – a philanthropic nursing centre catered to look after sandwich class elderlies.

A glimpse of the moolah involved: The NSE will cost taxpayers some 8 billion dollar.

To set the record straight, this writer is not a mid-life-crisis hippie punk a la Mr Brown, who open fired from his blog:

“No space for the old and living, no space for the dead and buried. But always time for more highways. For cars that have become increasingly out of reach for most of us.”

Neither is this writer a preservationist (I do still let out an occasional sigh whenever passing by my old paktor corner at the new Farrer Road MRT station, but that’s another matter altogether).

This writer is a strict adherent of common sense and pragmatism.

This writer believes that the majority (60% to be exact) of Singaporeans trust that the government knows best.

When PM Lee tells us we need to progress, we keep calm and progress. When LTA tells us we need NSE, we STFU and support NSE. The NSE project must have its perks, else why would our tip top elites bother to spend their hard earned tax payers’ money on the project?

Trust as I did, the kiasuness in this writer gave in to temptation and searched for LTA’s official news release to get a sneak preview of the actual goodies that the enlightened have lined up for ‘we, the citizens of Singapore’.

Horror of horrors, the following is what LTA published:

With NSE, motorists travelling between the north and the city centre can expect to save up to 30% of their travel time during peak hours.

For example, a journey between Yishun and the city takes approximately 30 to 35 minutes today. With NSE, the same journey can be completed between 20 and 30 minutes. Similarly, a trip from Bishan to the city, which usually takes between 15 and 20 minutes today, can be completed between 10 and 15 minutes with NSE.

Hullo, my dear LTA media officers? Framing NSE as an 8 mofo billion dollars ding dong for the sole purpose that drivers can get 5-15 minutes discount per trip down town, with the provision of ceteris paribus? That’s just a lazy PR job.

This writer shall demonstrate how to raise it like a pro.

1) Support the NSE because it causes a Keynesian multiplier effect.

No idea who Keynes is? He’s the angmoh pre-incarnation of NEWater woman Olivia Lum, who came up with the brilliant idea that drinking one’s own waste could make you less wasted.

Case in point: Some guy with a bloated bladder urinates, the urine goes through a whole series of edgy tech treatment, then becomes the bottle at your disposal during NDP rehearsals. Likewise, when the LTA spends, the money enjoys a whole cycle of circulation, eventually you end up a few pennies richer. Of course the busy people in government probably feel that those few minutes saves worth more than just a few pennies. But hey, there’s a reason Jack Neo directed Money No Enough then Money No Enough II.

2) Far fetched, you say? How about this: the NSE eases social mobility crises and enhances national security.

Sure, building NSE may not be able to solve class stagnation in the vertical sense. In fact if anything welfare facilities such as Lee Ah Mooi could soon be giving way to atas residence.

That said, the scale of relocation accrued from NSE is definitely more than adequate in channelling mobility horizontal wise. Which makes up for deepening social divides. It keeps our people occupied in merrying go round rather than merrily going around occupying. Staying busy is crucial to our survival, as our national stability can ill-afford challenges

3) Not yet convinced? OK ALL IN: The NSE project leads to better preservation of historical sites.

So the NSE project involves a road that’ll mow over 100,00 graves in BBC and a housing project for the living after evacuating current residents in the cemetery. And the BBC is a historical site.

But no matter how historical sites are conserved, they were scarcely ever going to outlast rain, shine or Indonesian haze.

By demolishing and digitalizing them, they get to be revered in their finest condition. Not to mention a virtual environment withal safeguards the pink of health of our future generations, because history will thereupon be experienced without the plague of mosquitoes. NParks and Wildlife Reserves, take note.

See how NSE can be portrayed as both progressive and humane?

So, message to the LTA: get yourselves a better PR agency when managing a potential clusterfu like mowing over a very very old place.