Tag Archive | "jim sleeper"

50 reasons why Singapore is no Israel

50 reasons why Singapore is no Israel

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Basically, two words: Military. Women.

A certain nobody from Yale, going by the name of Jim Sleeper, wrote an inaccurate Puffington Host article drawing parallels between Singapore and Israel this week.

The article has since gone viral and received thousands of Shares and Likes on Facebook for being pig-headed, wrong and not even remotely funny.

Worse, it actually received a lot of well-meaning rebuttals from Singaporeans who like to put in time and effort to counter-argue against a troll.

However, for those without a single intellectual bone in their body, rest assured, all you have to know is this: Singapore is no Israel because in Israel, women serve in the military, where conscription is necessary, just because.

And the women serve in the military even if they are hot.

Known as Israel Defense Forces — one of the toughest in this galaxy — here are 50 reasons why Singapore is no Israel. And never will be.

——

#1 “Mummy, my bunk buddies all very friendly. Can I sign on?” – Overheard during first day of BMT.

#2

#3 Wah reservist nights out!

#4

#5 Yay! This week kenna confine again! Sign extra loh! YAY!!!

#6 Chao keng do clerk also shiok!

#7 Stomach in, chest out.

#8 Wah navy like that one ah?

#9 Yay! Outfield training! Need to share A frame with her!

#10 Military never standard issue bikini one.

#11 Who say emo hipster cannot join army?

#12

#13 Shiok.

#14 Chest naturally out.

#15 My bunk buddies take care of each other very well. The eat, shower and sleep together.

#16

# 17

#18 Lick, lick, lick.

#19 Giving you the Eh-don’t-chao-keng eyes.

#20 Low slung fatigue pants.

#21 Encouraging you to make love, not war.

#22

#23 I will give all my blood for her.

#24

#25

#26

#27 Y you so blonde?!

#28 Not surprised to find someone like her working in Zara on any given day.

#29 Eh speaking of Zara…

#30

#31 I salute you too, cutie…

#32 All guys will sign on to protect this one. Confirm.

#33 And these three as well.

#34 Carrying things also look damn cute… wah lan eh

#35

#36 Hipsters…

#37 Instagram worthy.

#38 How quaint.

#39 They make the worst part about outfield look so fun. And sensual.

#40 Hmmm…

#41 Doing push ups also so glamorous. Must be the hair.

#42

#43 Awww friendship. I think…

#44 I tank I’m fabulous…

#45

#46

#47

#48

#49

#50 Nuff said.

To Israel: letter from Lee Kuan Yew

To Israel: letter from Lee Kuan Yew

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Dear Benny,

Still alive?

I’m joking of course. I see that you’ve finally shelled the Hamas office in Gaza, congratulations on that. The escalation of violence to assure residents in Israel that they are safe, is timely, with the elections just two months away. There’s nothing quite like ramping up some nationalistic fervour against an enemy to score a quick vote.

I’m writing to you about a recent commentary I found online, written by a lecturer in Yale. The title was misleading. It read “Blame the Latest Israel-Arab War on… Singapore?” but never really attributed the territorial conflict to us. We have problems like these here too, when the headline is written to attract controversy, but doesn’t necessarily describe what’s in the article. Maybe he was implying our being chummy (instead of being one with the rest of the world in condemning Israel) was a reason for prolonging the war, but it wasn’t clear. I might ban him from the Yale-NUS college to be set up soon — Singapore can do without these low quality teachers.

However, I have to credit him for accurately describing the similarities between our two countries. It is no big secret that both of us are the most militarised nations in the world, for good reason. Our Muslim neighbours hate how successful we have become and wish that they could take control of our wealth. Singapore is surrounded by Malaysia and Indonesia, countries which without their Chinese minority running the economy, would still be backwater third world countries today. Israel was born under hostile circumstances and is also surrounded by poorer, backward sections of Palestine, as well as other Arab nations.

We go back a long way you know, Israel and Singapore. I remain eternally grateful to Brigadier General Jack, who helped establish our army which has kept us safe all these years despite its small size.

It is with this close relationship that I’ve asked the national broadsheet to ramp up its coverage of Israel, though its influence isn’t what it used to be. It seems to have gotten worse since Warren Fernandez took over. I haven’t interfered with their editorial in a long time but if this goes on, I might be forced into implementing some quality control measures myself.

The terrorists are cunningly distributing their propaganda over the digital media, generating much sympathy for their cause. But we’re doing our best to educate Singaporeans on the objective facts of the Israel-Palestine war, that only the strong — both militarily and economically — should survive in the interest of human evolution. Unfortunately, it is the nature of the online audience to take in the anti-establishment views in spite of the facts. To put it bluntly, people would rather circulate pictures of Muslim killed by the IDF, than Israelis shelled by Hamas.

There are always two sides to a war — the strong side and weak side; good side and bad side. Israel has been struggling with the Arabs for a long time. Far too long. In my experience there are a few ways you can win the war with far fewer casualties and flak.

Firstly, don’t invade your neighbours. Believe me, I’ve been tempted to take over Johor Bahru for a long time. And we have, more or less, created pockets of settlements up north with minimal conflict. This was done slowly over time, with investments and the promise of jobs for the economically less able Malaysians. So I understand the biblical need to establish “Israel” as a territorially defined space, maybe you want to take the borders less literally. Foster economic ties with Palestine. Give them jobs so they will have no time to think about their lost land.

Secondly, try not to assassinate your enemy’s peace negotiator unless you want to prolong the war. Such negotiators are hard to find. Work with them, bribe them if you must, and you may just end up with a peace deal that will forever be in your favour. A long time ago in 1962, we agreed to buy water (a highly contested resource) from Malaysia at 3 Malaysian cents ver 1,000 imperial gallons. The contract doesn’t allow for price increases with inflation so we’ve been getting our water at this price for nearly half a century.

Thirdly, not all innovation is good innovation. I read about the gamification of the IDF blog and while I agree with the general premise of needing to spread the plight of Israel on the internet, but turning war into a game will only attract psychopaths or video game addicts to your cause. Which is not what you want. We drum up support for the military with movies by a famous local director. You could do the same too.

I hope you don’t mind my being very frank. Friends ought to help each other out in tough times. Machiavelli once said it is better to be feared than loved, though ideally, you should be feared and loved. The Jewish are very loveable people. I’ve had many meals at Chinese restaurants with Israeli friends in my lifetime and the conversations and jokes never fail to provide for a pleasant evening.

I wish you all the best in your campaign, militarily, electorally or otherwise. Send Sara my regards and I hope her maid problem has been fixed. I told you we had tons in common right?

Yours Sincerely,
Harry