Tag Archive | "Ikea"

Realisation that IKEA’s Shelf Help Guru might be gay sends shock waves across conservative religious community in S’pore

Realisation that IKEA’s Shelf Help Guru might be gay sends shock waves across conservative religious community in S’pore

Tags: , ,


They have turned around to accuse IKEA of infiltrating their religious community using clandestine means.

ikea-shelf-help-guru

Shock waves are emanating across Singapore’s conservative religious community after they discovered that IKEA’s Shelf Help Guru might actually be gay.

This after it was revealed that IKEA had uncharacteristically pledged support to an upcoming July performance by a local gay-bashing magician, which left the LGBT community in Singapore initially shocked and up in arms.

However, it now appears that the shoe is on the other foot as the conservative religious community have turned around to accuse IKEA Singapore of employing clandestine means to infiltrate their community by not declaring upfront that the Shelf Help Guru might be a gay man.

One local member of the conservative religious community, Xing Ye Shu, said this revelation has left his entire life in disarray: “Never in my wildest dreams would I imagine that a furniture company would employ a gay person to openly hawk their wares.”

“As I have been buying IKEA furniture and eating their meatballs with brown mystery sauce all my life, therefore, I have been directly contributing to sin by financing it and this has allowed homosexuality to thrive.”

At press time, it is expected that the local gay-bashing magician will soon come out to denounce IKEA furniture and meatballs.

 

In a previous crisis in Singapore:

Apple CEO confesses he’s gay, causes crisis in FCBC and FotF as many members are iPhone users

Homosexuals in S’pore regretting boycott, hard-pressed to find another furniture retailer as affordable as IKEA

Homosexuals in S’pore regretting boycott, hard-pressed to find another furniture retailer as affordable as IKEA

Tags: , , , , ,


Where else can they get a cabinet for S$39 or meatballs with mystery brown sauce?

ikea-singapore-tampines

Homosexuals in Singapore from all walks of life, who are boycotting IKEA for supporting an upcoming July performance by a local gay-bashing magician, are finding themselves in a quagmire.

They are regretting their decision to boycott the mega furniture store as they are now hard-pressed to find another retailer that is as convenient and can compete with a wide variety of affordable goods that appeal to their aesthetic taste.

Tong Xing Lian, a local gay man, said: “I disagree with IKEA Singapore’s support for that Lawrence Khong magician, who only know how to perform tricks, but I am also finding it hard not to go there to buy something.”

“Saying I am boycotting IKEA is effectively saying I am never going to buy furniture ever again.”

Non-homosexual Singaporeans from all walks of life said boycotting IKEA is easier said than done as it would mean saying goodbye to the signature meatballs with mystery brown sauce, a dish that will soon be recognised as a Singapore delicacy at the rate we are consuming those balls.

One local non-homosexual person, Yi Xing Lian, said: “Good luck trying not to eat at the biggest cafeteria in Singapore.”

At press time, the furniture retailer is reviewing its support for the magic show and reiterated it is committed to diversity worldwide, like how they have a diverse range of furniture designs.

 

The gay agenda in Singapore:

Apple CEO confesses he’s gay, causes crisis in FCBC and FotF as many members are iPhone users

Conservative S’poreans demand S’pore Zoo investigate if they possess gay animals

Thanks, Lawrence Khong, for standing up to the gay agenda

Local food contaminated by Ikea meatballs

Local food contaminated by Ikea meatballs

Tags: ,


Meatballs, meatballs everywhere.

Photo stolen from Yahoo Facebook

Photo stolen from Yahoo Facebook

A meatball epidemic has broken out this afternoon sending thousands of Singaporeans to stand in queues at Ikea outlets in Alexandra and Tampines.

Ikea Singapore has re-launched it’s signature meatballs today for $0.10 a piece, following a suspension of its sale last week as laboratory tests were run to confirm they did not contain horse or unicorn meat.

A woman, Jin Yeow Quee, who bought over 1000 meatballs for her family, said she would serve it at every meal.

She said, “For about $100, now my children and maid can eat meatballs with their porridge, rich and noodles for the whole month.”

“I can save money to pay for my new car.”

The fleshy globes of goodness has also managed to rekindle fond memories for others.

Her husband, Jiak Kar Tor, said: “The last time I had so many balls in my mouth was during my misspent youth.”

Estimates of the number of meatballs sold have ranged from 30,000 as reported by mainstream media to 900,000, according to some online sources on Facebook.

But the long queues and a possible meatball poisoning from ingesting too many of it at one go has not deterred others from getting their hands on the meat orbs.

A woman at Ikea Alexandra, who declined to be named, said: “I just cannot wait to put those warm, juicy balls into my mouth. Mmm… plus that sauce sliding down my throat… they impregnate me with its tastiness.”

Ikea Alexandra queue. Photo stolen from someone on Facebook

Ikea Alexandra queue. Photo stolen from someone on Facebook