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S’porean man shocked Chinese New Year is almost over

S’porean man shocked Chinese New Year is almost over

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He didn’t even see it coming.

Neighbours greeting each other Happy Year of the Horse. Get it? Neigh-bours?

Neighbours greeting each other Happy Year of the Horse. Get it? Neigh-bours?

A Singaporean man was shocked to find out that the second day of Chinese New Year is almost coming to an end.

This after he didn’t even realised Chinese New Year was happening.

The man, Hen Jing Ya, said: “I woke up at 11 this morning as my door bell was ringing non-stop. I opened the door and outside were all my relatives and their kids who said they are here to bai nian. I was like ‘What the hell?'”

“Then I remembered walking around yesterday and noticing how all the shops were closed. Now I know why.”

“There is simply no Chinese New Year mood this year.”

Experts that New Nation interviewed said this year’s lacklustre festive mood could be due to Christmas occurring just one month ago.

And the exceptionally fast pace of life in Singapore has caused its population to feel like Chinese New Year should occur once every two years for it to feel more normal.

Another local, Xing Nian Dao, said: “It felt like last year’s Chinese New Year just happened six months ago.”

“The Singapore government should consider adding a few more months to the calender year to give Singaporeans a better-adjusted sense of time.”

Man continues 10-year battle to prove that he’s completed national service

Man continues 10-year battle to prove that he’s completed national service

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And he’s also not planning to get married or have children anytime soon

For the tenth year in a row, Ah Boy has had to inform his grandparents and extended family that he has finished his military service, graduated from university and found an office job in an air-conditional locality. Thankfully, the annual battle to ingrain these basic facts of his life into the memory of his relatives has appeared to hit a standstill.

“I’m so sick of answering the same questions that I’ve been on autopilot since last year,” said Na Hong Bao, who partakes in the annual reunion dinner with his parents because he loves his family. “Same questions, same answers, different year. Once you come to terms with the meaninglessness of it all, you stop being bothered by it.”

The first day the Horse year has also seen a sudden uptick in the general frustration among young adults who have not married, bought a house and spawned.

“This year I decided to grow a moustache to deflect all the questions about why I’m not married,” said Jiak Ba Kwa, who has not brought back any of her boyfriends to seek approval from her family. This is because none of her exes work in the CBD, drive a car and will be able to provide for her and her future 2.4 children. This is also partly because she does not know how to sew, keep a clean house, prepare steamed pomfret and change diapers.

But actually its because she likes women.

“33 and not married is a source of shame meh? What century already nia…” she complained.

A laughing horse.

A laughing horse.