Tag Archive | "grass"

Artificial grass replaces natural grass in National Stadium, also dies

Artificial grass replaces natural grass in National Stadium, also dies

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Anything that is put on the stadium pitch will pass away.

national-stadium-grass

It appears that anything that can go wrong in Singapore is going wrong.

Less than six months after the National Stadium natural grass turf repeatedly refused to grow and proceeded to commit suicide despite coaxing with copious amounts of sunlight, fertiliser and water, artificial grass that has been planted on the pitch as a replacement have also started to turn brown and die.

But having fake grass dying is not exactly troubling for Singaporeans from all walks of life, as they have come to accept that Singapore is so exceptional, illogical things can happen all the time in this one-of-a-kind place.

Qu Zi Sha, a local, said: “Singapore is really a first in everything. Have you heard of another country that spent more than $1 billion to build a sports stadium just to hold concerts?”

“Or have you ever heard of another tropical country with heavy rainfall and continuous sunshine all year round but cannot even grow natural grass?”

“Therefore, by extension, it is not surprising that lifeless, synthetic grass can also die.”

A silver lining though: This will help abolish Singapore’s death penalty by hanging.

A law ministry spokesperson, Zuo Fa Kuan, said: “The state will from next week onward wash its hands clean of carrying out the death penalty by hanging.”

“Convicted inmates on death row facing capital punishment will be handcuffed and wheeled onto the National Stadium’s pitch and left there overnight, where the life will simply seep out of him, like all the grass, without anyone lifting a finger.”

 

Singapore is so exceptional, commuters apologise to the CEO of SMRT:

S’poreans apologise to SMRT for dry humping one another at Lakeside MRT station

Jay Chou needs more grass at S’pore Sports Hub to be able to perform

Jay Chou needs more grass at S’pore Sports Hub to be able to perform

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No grass, no songs.

Jay Chou looks like he is trying to smell the grass.

Jay Chou looks like he is trying to smell the grass.

It’s official: More grass is needed in the Singapore Sports Hub pitch to entice Jay Chou to perform there.

Taiwan superstar Jay Chou released a statement on Oct. 17, 2014 saying that a vital ingredient for his concert, which was initially scheduled for Nov. 8, is grass and that the current pitch is just not on par with his usual standards.

As such the concert will be postponed to Dec. 27.

A spokesman for Jay Chou, Xu Yao Chao said: “It’s unacceptable to have more sand than grass at the venue. If my boss wants to hold a concert at the beach, we will jolly well book at Sentosa or East Coast Park. We want to smell the grass. Besides, my boss’ favourite colour is green.”

New Nation spoke to a couple of Jay Chou fans for their comments, who agreed grass is what drives their idol’s creativity.

Long Juan Feng, a long-time Jay Chou fan, said: “Any self-respecting singer needs grass to perform. It’s already reported in some scientific journals. This is totally not my Jay’s fault. It’s Singapore Sports Hub’s fault. I hate you!”

Another fan, Shuang Jie Kun said: “Jay is a perfectionist. I understand his concern. However, I cannot believe Singapore has no grass. Cannot buy from Malaysia?”

 

Concerts in Singapore always have problems:

Taylor Swift suspected of singing songs mocking S’pore authorities

A-Mei’s Rainbow song can spread homosexuality, S’pore authorities warn