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Highly religious S’poreans say male panda gay, unable to finish inside female panda

Highly religious S’poreans say male panda gay, unable to finish inside female panda

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They demand the Singapore Zoo launch investigations to check if male panda is a deviant.


Highly religious Singaporeans from that particular walk of life, who like to dabble in other people’s business, are aghast that the male panda Kai Kai might have failed to fully consummate the union by not finishing inside of the female panda, Jia Jia, during a mating session in the Singapore Zoo.

This resulted in speculation that he could be gay and the zoo doctors will resort to carrying out an operation to artificially finish inside the female panda instead.

One highly religious Singaporean, Zuo Ai, said: “I am disturbed by the fact that we allow such things to happen in Singapore. A failure to finish inside a female is a sure sign of homosexuality because a reluctance to procreate is an immediate failure of heterosexuality.”

“I demand that the Singapore Zoo investigate if there are any more homosexual animals in their midst and flush them out.”

Another highly religious Singaporean, Tong Xing Lian, said the pandas’ endangered species status is brought about by their own doing: “Homosexuality must have been rampant in the panda species. That’s why their reproductive rate is so low and their eventual decline is their own fault.”

“If they stopped being so gay they would reproduce more.”

At press time, highly religious Singaporeans who have started their own investigations said that all species of animals are failing to show the proper traditional family unit of one father, one mother and two children, therefore, the Singapore Zoo is complicit in promoting immoral behaviour and activities, besides homosexuality, and is a bad example for families here.