Tag Archive | "fuck"

F-word was no big deal

F-word was no big deal

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Harmless speech by a NTU valedictorian blown out of proportion by sensationalist media and moral police.

By Terence Lee

“WE FUCKING did it!”

I can’t imagine how that swear word, spoken at the end of a valedictorian speech by Trinetta Chong in Nanyang Technological University, could create such a media circus and capture the attention of the entire nation (almost).

The news report made the front page Lianhe Wanbao, a trashy Chinese tabloid, followed by The New Paper, well-known for twisting facts and misquoting interviewees. Soon, people all over the Internet were yakking about it.

I was there when it happened, as one of the happy graduates donning the silly gown and mortar board. I honestly wasn’t offended by the speech and — gasp — I even felt it was appropriate and resonated well with the students.

(Wan Bao headline: Caucasian professor supports vulgar-mouthed girl. Quote: Using the F-word was not a big issue)

Save for the speech and the moment my fellow cohorts went up to receive their transcripts, I found the entire ceremony dreary and overly formal. At the beginning, the professors walked in line at an excruciatingly slow pace to the sound of regal music —  five minutes was what it took to get from the back of the hall to the stage.

The national anthem played twice, once at the beginning of the proceedings and another at the end, like assembly in secondary school. How nolstalgic.

It took some crazy students to shake things up with their on-stage antics and make the event less like a ceremony and more like a party. And the speech brought the event to its appropriate climax.

Not everyone was pleased, of course, and Wan Bao capitalized on this with their report questioning the use of the swear word. Predictably, some parents complained, which was not entirely unexpected. Some members of the public chimed in too, complaining about how inappropriate it was.

What we’re seeing is a clash of values: Between a dressed-down faction less accustomed to arbitrary rules of behavior and our buttoned-up, more traditional peers and predecessors who are used to obeying such regulations and seeing it enforced. We saw it manifested in the ceremony itself. Clearly, the attendees have divergent visions about what a convocation is about, and both the student body and university administration tried to define it in their own terms.

The speech encapsulated what people like us have been feeling for a long, long time: That we feel constrained and helpless in a regimented society governed by arbitrary rules that make no sense; and that we admire that someone, who even for the briefest of moments, dared to rebel.

The difference is in some ways generational, with the the younger, millennial generation  much less tolerant of customs and traditional rules. Perhaps the younger folks have come to see how hypocritical many rule enforcers really are.

Our generation has witnessed how religious authorities, particularly certain Roman Catholic priests, have time and again succumbed to predatory sexual behavior despite their own strict code of conduct.  Or cue politicians who preach one thing but do another. Or our local media, who in this instance sensationalized what was essentially a harmless incident into the Greatest Moral Crisis of the Century — all for the sake of feeding their fat, overweight, coffers.

There’s no mistaking the fact that us millennials  do have morals, but instead of one code of conduct, we have codes of conduct.

We’re a generation that is more tolerant of differences, but less tolerant of conformity. Standing out is the new cool, which was why we gave the valedictorian a standing O. We are far more adept at seeing beyond the rules of society, and peer into its soul. In other words: Authenticity rocks, hypocrisy doesn’t. Honestly, has The New Paper done any better by using ‘f**king’ as opposed to ‘fucking’ (or f*cking, for that matter)? Is there really any difference at all? Who defines these rules anyway, and who is to say what is right and what isn’t?

So far, reactions by my peers to these media reports have been defiant. And judging by the reactions on the Internet, it looks like most people of my generation don’t really think it’s a big deal either. In fact, the speech and media coverage that followed probably inspired more swearing.

Beyond just being great fun, I felt the speech encapsulated what people like us have been feeling for a long, long time: That we feel constrained and helpless in a regimented society governed by arbitrary rules that make no sense; and that we admire that someone, who even for the briefest of moments, dared to rebel.

The sad reality is that many of us would most probably leave that spirit behind the moment we step into the workforce and become part of the very system that we find so restraining, or when we raise kids of our own and find ourselves needing to enforce rules that our kids will one day fight against.

Or we could choose to do otherwise.

Do men cheat because their wives suck in bed?

Do men cheat because their wives suck in bed?

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Actually yes. Because women of wife-material are socialised not to enjoy sex.

By Fang Shihan

This man's two wives are from the Obedient Wives Club. Clearly, he's one happy man.

It’s a question that women have been trying to untangle since the union of a couple became a legal institution: Do husbands cheat because their wives are bad in bed?

Recently disgraced New York congressman, Anthony Weiner, had his bulging crotch published over his twitter feed after he accidentally posted it to ‘everyone’ instead of ‘some chick he wanted to fap off to’.

Like all good politicians, he blamed it on a bogeyman – a hacker.

Former california governor Arnie went a step further, fathering a child with his housekeeper who looked like…well, an aging housekeeper. The fact that he kept it under wraps for 10 years, actually shows that he is not too bad an actor.

Closer to home, we’ve got Jack Neo and his never-quite-made-it model former girlfriend.

And an ancient rumour that was never confirmed of a local ex-CEO-of-a-government-linked-public-listed-company’s trysts with a woman in Australia.

The debate surrounding these controversies tend to revolve around two key themes: a) The husbands cheated because they were dicks or b) the wives were somehow not satisfying them sexually.

a) has been accepted as fact. The male species’ need for sex has been acknowledged as an instinct, not a desire, and is as crucial for their well-being as food. b) brings the onus of the relationship onto the wives who have to satisfy this uncompromising need.

 anthony weiner

Anthony weiner's...weiner, straight from the tweet.

Support groups like the BDSM-sounding “Obedient Wives Club” claim to train housewives to be better at sex than ‘first class prostitutes’, assuming that with their sexual urges satisfied, husbands will have no reason to look elsewhere but at home.

Sorry to break the news but blowjobs won’t be as fantastic if its just a call of duty. The crux of the problem doesn’t lie in sexual prowess but how both genders are socialised to regard sex as an unequal activity.

The enjoyment of coitus has long been a birth right of men, an instinct as base as eating or having a beer (halal or otherwise) on a hot sunny afternoon.

The male brain

Yet women who show signs of desiring sex are regarded as a quirk of nature or worse, promiscuous. On top of that, women who engage in pre-marital sex are more likely to be penalised compared to their male counterparts.

Thus, the average woman who’s been brought up to regard sex as a taboo topic will be far less experienced than her deviant, promiscuous counterparts, and most definitely less exposed to sex than the average male.

This is not to say that the average woman does not engage in pre-marital sex (please lah, 2011 already can?), but sex as a topic doesn’t typically make pub conversation for women, unlike men.

Even more so for women of marriageable material, also known as the Nice Girls you bring home to visit mum.

Conservative, respectable creatures, the institution of The Wife is a non-sexual one – a person who provides security, emotional commitment, raises the family, stabilises your life, and is probably someone that you’d take out to show off to your friends.

If she can f***, well that’s great. But the criterion for Wife and Pornstar hardly overlap.

In this context, women are structurally disadvantaged to cope with the myriad of fetishes and fantasies men have been accustomed to, thanks to the proliferation of free pornography and lack of societal inhibitions towards male sexual conquest.

Men therefore cheat on their companions partly because of unrealistic expectations of sex and partly because of the functional contradictions between The Wife and the woman they fap off to in the bathroom.

The latter, ranging from random women online or creatures ending with .jpg and .mpeg, tend to resemble temporary fantasies, summoned to satisfy a need and disposed of thereafter.

Yet men who cheat are by far the minority because the cost of losing a companion through infidelity is far greater than the temporary gratification of sexual release.

In any case, these urges can be satisficed with much lower risk at hand (pun totally intended).

Even women who manage to master the elusive art of being a nun in public and a whore in bed isn’t spared from potential infidelity.

The terminator standing beside Emmy-award winning producer and best selling author of 6 books Maria Shriver. Hawt?

Take the classic case of Arnie vs. Maria Shriver for instance – wife hot? Check. Respectable in public? Check. Husband cheated? Check.

And with a fugly woman no less.

Could Baena possibly be better than Shriver in bed? Maybe. But the sexual attraction lay more in her adulation with Mr. Terminator and the ego-stoking he got from it, than actual technical competency.

So in response to the question: Do husbands cheat because their wives suck in bed?

Yes. And is the Obedient Wives club the answer to it? Hell no.

Monogamy fails because of a mismatch of expectations. A woman enters an agreement to be The Wife and not The ‘Ho.

No matter how hard she tries, sex will never be as satisfying because she regards it as part of the ‘things a wife should do’ list. If she manages to be The Awesome Wife (‘ho package included), her men tend to develop self-esteem issues. So he’s still going to cheat.

What a bummer.

Arnie cheated on Maria Shriver with this woman.

But we’re all forgetting something here: Good sex is a core component of any stable relationship and the best sex only occurs when both parties are fully immersed in the activity.

If a woman regards the sexual satisfaction of her husband primarily as a call of duty, of course it’s going to suck.

So while wives are structurally disadvantaged when it comes to the technical nitty-gritty of sex, husbands have no such excuse.

Mutual enjoyment is the key to motivating both parties to be better at anything, including mastering the Kama Sutra.

And voila, that solves both the problems of women being lousy at it, and men suffering from the lack of it.

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