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Some Singaporeans skipping sex for free MRT rides

Some Singaporeans skipping sex for free MRT rides

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Others skipping computer games

 

Honourable men and women have been staying chaste to save money

Do you feel the tension?

More Singaporeans have been skipping sex so they can catch free MRT rides in the morning. Though this applies primarily to bed-time sex as they do not want to be too exhausted in the morning, a New Nation poll revealed that commuters are cutting down on morning-after intercourse as well.

“Do already the girl will want to cuddle. These extra 15 min in bed will make me miss the window period of free rides,” said Ai Sio Gan.

Other commuters have decided to stay completely celibate during the working week, preferring to binge during the weekend.

“Skip one ride at night, get a free one in the morning. Who don’t want?” says an astute Wee Wee Ner, who definitely has his priorities in place.

These are just two of the growing number of factors contributing to the rapid decline in the national fertility rate.

However, 30-year-old male virgins without access to women also found themselves having to sacrifice basic pleasures to save $1.50 every day. When polled, these chaste males cited the new season of Game of Thrones and World of Warcraft as the top entertainment alternatives.

“I get much more satisfaction gripping my Wii firmly in one hand than anything else. But it takes too much time to complete one game before bedtime so I decided to switch to a nightly jerk-off instead. Life has not been the same since,” remarked Park Chew Cheng, a semi-retired Chinese-Korean gamer.

Conspiracy theorists have noted that this New Nation poll could merely be a government ploy to reduce the Singaporean-born population by normalising a non-sexual lifestyle.