Tag Archive | "Free Egg McMuffin"

McDonald’s prepares for rape by S’poreans

McDonald’s prepares for rape by S’poreans

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100,000 free Egg McMuffins to be snatched within hours on March 18.


McDonald’s will be giving away 100,000 free Egg McMuffins on March 18 across 100 outlets in Singapore.

Scenes of destruction, chaos, shoving and ungracious behaviour will most likely dominate the news — again — as Singaporeans from all walks of life are expected to form long queues for hours just for a freebie.

Those who are expected to show up include aunties, the middle class, the well-heeled, children and office workers who carry Prada bags and Miu Miu wallets.

Experts interviewed by New Nation say this penny-pinching phenomenon is due to a high cost of living and uncertain economic outlook.

Eric de Yaya, a self-styled political pundit who also did not get tenure, said: “I’m already standing in line.”

To whet readers’ appetites, here is an inside look into how McDonald’s Egg McMuffins are hand crafted to perfection.

1. For hand crafted authenticity, first get a machine to knead the dough.

2. The machine should be able to bake as well as a human because machines don’t suffer from PMS.

3. Once they get baked, the muffin tops should look exactly like they were made by someone in a chef’s hat and white apron who has attended at least four years of culinary school.

4. For the eggs, they are usually fried by someone who was let down by the education system and didn’t do well for ‘A’ Levels.

5. Here, another product of the education system will tenderly flip the slice of ham for $4 an hour.

6. Minimum wage? Never heard of it.

7. Assembly is still being done by other products of the education system. For now. Until it becomes automated one fine day.

8. So once you’ve collected your free Egg McMuffin, proceed to stuff it into every available orifice in your body. And get back in the queue. Again.