Tag Archive | "feminist"

You can’t cure a militant feminist

You can’t cure a militant feminist

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This article has been trolling since 2003.

Dear Maxim editor,

I am extremely disappointed by your  article about curing unshaven, vegan feminists and turning them into obedient and slutty vixens. Speaking from experience, I want to say that your claim is extremely inaccurate and misleading.

Thing is, true militant feminists can’t be cured.

Trust me, I dated one, and it was a disaster.

She didn’t start out as a militant feminist. On our first blind date, we went out for dinner at a nice Italian restaurant. She had a pleasant personality, wore a nice dress, and put on nice perfume.

The sex was wonderful, in fact the best I’ve had in my entire life. And trust me, I have had LOTS of sex, as what your magazine prescribes.

But she changed. It happened after she attended SlutWalk at the beckoning of her militant feminist friend. The experience transformed her. Marching in the streets in her bra and undies, she felt liberated, freed from her cocoon.

In fact, she felt so free that she started streaking in the middle of the protest. I was there with her, and truly shocked by her behavior.

But I sort of liked it.

“Shit, I really dig this militant feminism stuff,” I said to a fellow bro.

I wish I can take back those words now.

Days later, she began spouting all sorts of nonsense from her feminist ideology.  About how women shouldn’t conform to the norms of a male-dominated society. About how beauty is socially constructed and influenced by a degenerate and biased media.

I once caught her burning my stash of porn, and yes, my copies of Maxim. The glee in her eyes horrified me.

Then she grew fat. First by five pounds. Then twenty. Then forty. All for the sake of her feminist ideals.

That wasn’t so bad actually. I mean, I’ll admit I have a once-secret fetish for BBBW. Heck, that was the only porn I was allowed to keep.

The sex kept getting weirder and weirder as well.

One day, she suggested we do a threesome. Again, as part of her whole feminist thing. What a great idea, I thought, picturing my thin frame sandwiched between two beautiful women.

But she brought home another dude, also pencil-thin. That broke my heart. I mean, straight guys simply do not do it with other straight guys. It was disgusting, but I tolerated it — until she took off her clothes.

Us straight guys have a Golden Rule when dating girls — no armpit hairs allowed. So there she was, in all her naked glory, arms over her head, revealing her unmentionables.

That was the straw the broke the camel’s back.

Trust me, militant feminists can’t be cured. I know, because I’ve tried. Once they go down that path, there’s no turning back.

So to all straight men out there, please do not be misled by the Maxim article.

Regards,

A Bro.

SlutWalk: a celebration of the right to be slutty even when you aren’t

SlutWalk: a celebration of the right to be slutty even when you aren’t

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An initial protest against rape victim blaming has somehow transformed into a movement for non-slutty women to walk out in their undies without fear of being called an eyesore.

It all started when Toronto policemen informed women attending a “personal security class” in York university that “women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized”.

What followed was an outraged protest against rape-victim-blaming in the form of the SlutWalk. SlutWalk, essentially, is a march celebrating the inner slut that apparent exists within all women. Characterised by hordes of women proudly painting the streets with their bodies clad in either slutty attire or, for the more conservative ones, a simple T-shirt with the word “SLUT” scrawled hastily, the slutwalk is an extension of women’s rights which now apparently encompasses a woman’s rights to look like a slut without shame or fear of being raped.

It’s happened in Toronto, Boston, London, New Delhi and one’s happening right here in Singapore in December.

Now fellas, before you start letting your imagination run wild with images of women dressed as porn stars flocking the streets, take a closer look at the picture above.

Plus-sized, ugly, plain, old – women come in all shapes and sizes. All these women who’re out on the streets protesting, clearly have a deep-seated fear of being raped.

Now there’s really no way to put this across sensitively –

a slut has to be hot or at the very least, sexually attractive. Miss wholesome, blonde and chubby with her chubby counterpart? Not sluts. As for this liberated woman wearing the BDSM-inspired bra-top? She looks like an insane hyena, not a slut. As a wide-circulated internet saying goes: “Do not stick your dick in crazy”.

A happily liberated woman

Merely showing some skin doesn’t automatically bump just any woman into the “slut” category. If there were any benchmark to follow – this would probably exemplify The Slut.

A Hawt slut

That’s Julia Roberts’ hooker character in the movie Pretty Woman. That’s The Hot Slut. And a whore at that since she gets paid for sleeping around.

So what’s a slut? A woman who sleeps around – yes. Who wears her sexual availability prominently – yes. Who is promiscuous – yes. An average slut would be your not-bad-looking-under-strobe-lights, promiscuous skank out at St James on a Saturday night looking for a one-night stand. Ugly sluts exist too, but they’re probably more difficult to come by. Men, as I gather, look for attractive women to have intercourse with.

So here’s my confusion with the basic philosophy behind ‘SlutWalk’.

It started off as an indignant protest against the policeman who told a bunch of university students with conventional and not scientific wisdom that dressing like sluts would make one more susceptible to rape.

Then it became a demand for women to be able to dress like sluts without public disaffection, thereby putting a whole new spin on the familiar insults “you shameless slut”.

Now as the SlutWalk Singapore chapter in Singapore has stated: it has become a protest against sexual assault + a protest for rape victims’ rights + a demand for respect.

To paraphrase the gist of the message now: “I demand to be respected as an independent female even as I dress like a whore.” A Slut Pride parade if you will.

Except that – if the photos plastered online were any indication – a fair bit of SlutWalkers don’t exactly qualify as sluts. So unless these wholesome voluptious women with no business showing their overflowing bits in a overly-tight bra top out in public HAVE actually been called a slut previously, their protest to be called a slut without shame makes no sense. Like a meat-eating person joining PETA.

To put it more crudely: Put on some better fitting clothes woman. No one’s calling you a slut. And while you’re at it, get some higher-cut jeans too, your ass crack is showing.

Furthermore, various angry feminists groups and hardworking researchers have shown that rapists in fact, don’t give a hoot about their victims’ getup at all. So a protest for the right to dress like a slut without the fear of being raped, makes no sense either. All women – skanky or not – have an equal chance of being raped.

So what will be the purpose of SlutWalkers when they take to the streets here in December? A demand to be sexually promiscuous without fear of being raped? A demand to wear sexual promiscuity prominently and be respected as a moral woman at the same time? A demand for skankily-clad virgins not to be looked upon as whores?

Going by the previous SlutWalks, it’s probably going to be an occasion for women to turn up in their undies without fear of being judged by their sexual un-attractiveness as they rally together in a common message: the right to be respected no matter what.