Tag Archive | "drinking"

S’pore to ban eating in public after banning alcohol consumption in public after 10.30pm

S’pore to ban eating in public after banning alcohol consumption in public after 10.30pm

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Travelling in public and making love at night will also be banned soon.

drunk-clark-quay

In a bid to become a vibrant metropolis and the top city in the world, Singapore is banning the public consumption of alcohol after 10.30pm once the Liquor Control Bill is passed in parliament.

This means that no one is allowed to be seen drinking or holding alcohol in public after 10.30pm. Violators will be shot on sight and survivors will be shot repeatedly.

The ban on the public consumption of alcohol after 10.30pm will also mark the start of a series of prohibitions to follow: Once alcohol has been successfully banned in public at night, eating and travelling in public after 10.30pm will also be banned.

A government spokesperson, Lim Kah Tor, said: “Anything can be considered a vice these days. If you eat in public after 10.30pm, you will grow fat because your metabolism slows down at night.”

“And when you grow fat, you will block people’s way when you go out. For example, you can keep left on the escalator, but it looks like you are still keeping right.”

“This will cause tempers to flare and people will get annoyed, fight and a full scale racial riot will break out like in the 1960s. Plus, with alcohol, things will get worse.”

“So, to prevent such catastrophes, we need to monitor the situation and then stop people from eating and travelling at night after 10.30pm and impose martial law and curfews and wind down public transportation services before dark.”

Locals who heard of the new proposed measures said they are heartened that their lives will be made better and more interesting as a result.

One local, Pah Kah Luan, said: “No wonder people in Singapore more likely to riot these days.”

 

Alcohol is the cause of all problems in Singapore:

Alcohol failed to cause riot at Clark Quay the past year since Little India riot occurred

Foreign workers rioted because they were feeling okay

Cigarettes, alcohol completely sold out as S’pore announces plan to increase taxes from today

 

 

 

 

 





Singapore football debauchery?

Singapore football debauchery?

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Nope, sorry, but the Singapore team is doing pretty well for a bunch of people who drink and smoke.

By New Nation Sports Guru

Singapore CubsXII. Meow.

It has been made public by LionsXII assistant coach Kadir Yahaya that there is a drinking and smoking culture in Singapore football.

As with all things that involve morals, many people with an upright disposition will say that sports, alcohol and cigarettes don’t mix.

But to others who don’t bother to take this upright course – because upright usually means boring and dull, they would say: Well, at least sports, alcohol and cigarettes should not mix at the same time.

Because doing sports, alcohol and cigarettes all at the same time would in fact be called “clubbing”.

But, I mean, is this even considered news?

Many people, with judgemental tendencies, automatically assume that this is a sign that something is wrong with the sporting culture of our nation if sportsmen drink and smoke.

For me, I’ll defend our national team and say to critics, “Get lost”.

Drinking and smoking is what real men do.

In fact, drinking and smoking is what differentiates humans from animals.

Go on, name me a squirrel who smokes?

And I dare you, name me a fish that drinks vodka or bourbon?

Because only through drinking and smoking can real men feel like they have aged properly.

But let’s not argue over ideas.

Let’s talk pure statistics.

Look at the LionsXII’s results in the Malaysia super league: They have so far won two games, lost twice and drawn two others. And they have scored a grand total of 5 goals in six matches and this is a testimony of their unbreakable spirit and smokers’ lungs and drinkers’ liver.

And who did the Singapore team actually managed to beat?

Sabah and Kuala Lumpur.

Two teams who have players who go to bed at 9 p.m. and who eat their vegetables and whose only encounter with alcohol is in cologne.

Therefore, for smokers and drinkers, scoring five goals is already six goals too many.

But there is a much larger discussion that needs to be addressed.

And that is: Football doesn’t add to our country’s economy.

Eleven grown men from one team chasing a ball for 90 minutes against 11 grown men from another team is nothing different from 22 grown men chasing each other to give each other wedgies.

Both activities are just as pointless, sweaty and tiring.

But don’t get me wrong. I’m not here to boo boo soccer per se.

I believe soccer is as pointless as swimming where the main aim is to hold one’s breath and try to go forward while moving one’s arms and legs to see who can go faster until you touch the wall again.

How should this be considered an achievement in life? Let alone an achievement for our human race? And seriously, when I say “human race”, pardon the pun.

Come on, do you seriously see chickens trying to swim faster than one another just so the winner gets to collect a trophy?

Or do you see chipmunks getting wet to be triumphant aquatically?

If animals are not so pointless, why are we?

A greater achievement in life, I believe, is developing the ability to actually breathe underwater naturally.

At that instant, it can be assured that mankind has broken the plateau of our evolutionary heritage and broached new ground with growing something called “gills”.

That would then be considered exciting times.

And news worthy.