Tag Archive | "celebration"

S’pore govt confident enough superficial SG50 celebration ideas to last till Aug. 9

S’pore govt confident enough superficial SG50 celebration ideas to last till Aug. 9

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Civil servants across ministries will work day and night on it to maximise taxpayers’ dollars.

sg50-balloon-hats

Saying that running out of superficial SG50 celebration ideas before Singapore’s National Day is not an option, top officials in the Singapore government have vowed to continue to work day and night to ensure that enough random ideas that don’t even make sense are conceived to tide Singapore through the next seven days till Aug. 9, 2015.

Jin Boh Leow, a top government spokesperson, said initial fears of not having enough superficial celebration ideas to last till Singapore’s 50th birthday one more week down the road were overwrought, as not all civil servants in the public sector have been deployed to think about even more nonsensical ideas in full strength: “I have no doubts that the civil service can deliver when it comes to the inane and banal.”

The spokesperson added: “If you thought making SG50 fish cakes was the hallmark of creativity in the name of celebration, I can bet you my next 13th month bonus, you’ve seen nothing yet.”

Sources familiar with how superficial pointless ideas are generated within the government said the process has been sped up the past week, with civil servants spending the remainder of their office hours not sending emails thinking of ideas not inspired or even related to Singapore’s history or circumstances.

However, there are rules-of-thumb that civil servants can follow that have been foolproof.

Another civil servant, Tao Jin Tia, said the key to coming up with SG50 celebration ideas is to think of things that are completely unrelated to Singapore and national day and proposing it anyways: “We just had this idea to get few thousand people to wear balloon hats together, and from there, work backwards to cook up a story about community-building and slap the #SG50 hashtag on it.”

“The trick is to have no link between the event and national day celebrations because the process of putting one and one together for a nice narrative will be left to the mainstream media, who are pioneers of cooking up stories out of thin air.”

At press time, other ways to celebrate SG50 that have been thought up include serving mee pok with exactly 50 strands of noodles in each bowl, having children shout “I am SG50″ 50 times in a row each morning and wearing 50 t-shirts one on top of another to symbolise Singapore’s growth.

 

 

 

 

 









S’pore govt confident they can churn out enough superficial SG50 celebration ideas to last till Aug 2016

S’pore govt confident they can churn out enough superficial SG50 celebration ideas to last till Aug 2016

Tags: ,


Civil servants across ministries will work day and night on it to maximise taxpayers’ dollars.

sg50-balloon-hats

Saying that running out of superficial SG50 celebration ideas before Singapore’s National Day is not an option, top officials in the Singapore government have vowed to continue to work day and night to ensure that enough random ideas that don’t even make sense are conceived to tide Singapore through the next six months till Aug. 9, 2015.

Jin Boh Leow, a top government spokesperson, said initial fears of not having enough superficial celebration ideas to last till Singapore’s 50th birthday six months down the road were overwrought, as not all civil servants in the public sector have been deployed to think about even more nonsensical ideas in full strength: “I have no doubts that the civil service can deliver when it comes to the inane and banal.”

The spokesperson added: “If you thought buying 50 grand Steinway pianos for $1.3 million to be used for one performance was the hallmark of profligate spending and avarice in the name of celebration, I can bet you my next 13th month bonus, you’ve seen nothing yet.”

Sources familiar with how superficial pointless ideas are generated within the government said the process has been sped up the past six months, with civil servants spending the remainder of their office hours not sending emails thinking of ideas not inspired or even related to Singapore’s history or circumstances.

However, there are rules-of-thumb that civil servants can follow that have been foolproof.

Another civil servant, Tao Jin Tia, said the key to coming up with SG50 celebration ideas is to think of things that are completely unrelated to Singapore and national day and proposing it anyways: “We just had this idea to get few thousand people to wear balloon hats together, and from there, work backwards to cook up a story about community-building and slap the #SG50 hashtag on it.”

“The trick is to have no link between the event and national day celebrations because the process of putting one and one together for a nice narrative will be left to the mainstream media, who are pioneers of cooking up stories out of thin air.”

At press time, other ways to celebrate SG50 that have been thought up include serving mee pok with exactly 50 strands of noodles in each bowl, having children shout “I am SG50″ 50 times in a row each morning and wearing 50 t-shirts one on top of another to symbolise Singapore’s growth.

 

 

 

 

 





S’pore govt confident they can churn out enough superficial SG50 celebration ideas to last till Aug

S’pore govt confident they can churn out enough superficial SG50 celebration ideas to last till Aug

Tags: ,


Civil servants across ministries will work day and night on it to maximise taxpayers’ dollars.

sg50-balloon-hats

Saying that running out of superficial SG50 celebration ideas before Singapore’s National Day is not an option, top officials in the Singapore government have vowed to continue to work day and night to ensure that enough random ideas that don’t even make sense are conceived to tide Singapore through the next six months till Aug. 9, 2015.

Jin Boh Leow, a top government spokesperson, said initial fears of not having enough superficial celebration ideas to last till Singapore’s 50th birthday six months down the road were overwrought, as not all civil servants in the public sector have been deployed to think about even more nonsensical ideas in full strength: “I have no doubts that the civil service can deliver when it comes to the inane and banal.”

The spokesperson added: “If you thought buying 50 grand Steinway pianos for $1.3 million to be used for one performance was the hallmark of profligate spending and avarice in the name of celebration, I can bet you my next 13th month bonus, you’ve seen nothing yet.”

Sources familiar with how superficial pointless ideas are generated within the government said the process has been sped up the past six months, with civil servants spending the remainder of their office hours not sending emails thinking of ideas not inspired or even related to Singapore’s history or circumstances.

However, there are rules-of-thumb that civil servants can follow that have been foolproof.

Another civil servant, Tao Jin Tia, said the key to coming up with SG50 celebration ideas is to think of things that are completely unrelated to Singapore and national day and proposing it anyways: “We just had this idea to get few thousand people to wear balloon hats together, and from there, work backwards to cook up a story about community-building and slap the #SG50 hashtag on it.”

“The trick is to have no link between the event and national day celebrations because the process of putting one and one together for a nice narrative will be left to the mainstream media, who are pioneers of cooking up stories out of thin air.”

At press time, other ways to celebrate SG50 that have been thought up include serving mee pok with exactly 50 strands of noodles in each bowl, having children shout “I am SG50″ 50 times in a row each morning and wearing 50 t-shirts one on top of another to symbolise Singapore’s growth.

 

SG50 news keeps getting better:

SG50: Miss Universe Singapore’s costume to be mass produced, issued to all primary, secondary school students

 

 

 

 

 

 





Authorities to withhold PSLE scores of book-burning students

Authorities to withhold PSLE scores of book-burning students

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Book-burning fiends will not get secondary school posting until 2020.

book-burning

The relevant authorities have launched a full-scale investigation after a photo showcasing a group of Singaporean students and their parents engaging in post-PSLE book-burning festivities went public.

Book-burning in Singapore is not a crime — yet. But the authorities launched an investigation because the year-end performance bonus for civil servants is coming up.

Within one night, at least half a dozen students and their respective parents — or parent, because one of the children don’t know who his father is — were identified from the photo.

The authorities revealed that the students who engaged in the book-burning celebration will have their PSLE grades withheld.

And they will not get their secondary school posting until 2020.

When interviewed, Qin Shi Huang, one of the students who burned at least 45 books in one night, said: “I solemnly state my regret for burning the books.”

“But it was fun.”