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Keyboard warrior investigated for saying “F*CK YOU” to SBS

Keyboard warrior investigated for saying “F*CK YOU” to SBS

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Authorities have hauled up local keyboard warrior and parliamentarian-wannabe, Alex Tan Zhixiang, to the Tanglin Police Division for typing a complaint letter to SBS, using “FUCK YOU” in place of punctuation.

CC-ing transport minister Lui Tuck Yew and the Land Transport Authority, the socio-political commentator not known for his English prowess launched into a diatribe about how a) SBS didn’t have a fucking feedback email account, b) the fucking EZ link machine ripped him off in the morning, c) the incident had fucking happened before and d) he fucking hates the smell of other people’s armpits on bus 58 between 8am and 9am everyday.

News of this investigation sent other heroic journalistic sites into a flurry. One of the sites he founded, The Real Singapore, promptly escalated the investigation into an “arrest” and conducted an exclusive interview with the Man of the Hour.

“The public feedback letter was meant to be a joke and it was pretty well-received from the public. I am amazed to hear that a corporation would be “harrassed” by such a letter, which I believe is quite a common complain. Overcrowding of buses in Singapore has been ongoing for years, and this seriously left me wondering if they have decided they have no solutions and are here trying to silence a valid complainant,”

the self-styled online troll reportedly said. It is not known if the interview was conducted over an email devoid of spellcheck and a grammar check, or if he actually had trouble pronouncing the word “complaint” in full.

Temasek Review Emeritus, the other bastion of free speech, also enquired about the investigation and concluded that “SBS, being a service provider is more interested in silencing its critics than to address the genuine concerns put forth and improve on its services.”

“Bo lah was on my way to work, then this cb bus so fucking crowded and i got squeezed at the front door. i waited 12 mins for this bus sibey tulan already and i was late for work. then this cb ez link card reader turns “Entry” when i was about to exit along with others, then the cb k****g driver bo chap me and tell me to go transitlink office when i asked for refund. cb transitlink office so far away go there to get $2.50 deducted for fuck. ccb waste time,”

said Alex in his few minutes of fame with TRE.

According to sources present at the investigation, Alex was adamant that the government, the country’s ministers and the directors of all government-linked companies, had a patriotic duty to take any amount of abuse heaped upon them by irate citizens.

“He basically said that because we were among the most highly paid in the world, we had no right to respond when people became more than unreasonable,” the source said, adding that Alex was last heard shouting “vote the opposition! migrate to Australia! Fuck Stinkapore!” as he walked out of the station to the bus stop.

Alex Tan contested in last year’s general election with the now-almost-defunct Reform Party, against Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong and lost. He is also a regular contributor to the Temasek Times (T.T), a website specialising in sex scandals. A quick browse through T.T reveals that news has been slow lately, with only one sex story gracing the home page in two separate posts.

“Man, this dude has issues. “All that fuss for a bus refund? Talk about first world problems,” said Reuben Wang, better known as the Angry JC student who wrote an expletive-leaden post about DPM’s dodging of questions during the Pre-U seminar.

Another local blogger, Rockson Takumi Tan who is known for his colourful posts about politics and his huge, throbbing horse, also commented that the letter to SBS was “tasteless”. Currently embarking on a career as a pastor of a megachurch, Rockson remarked that Alex should go start a church too, if he wanted to earn enough money to buy a car and stop taking public transport.

Hollywood actor Samuel L Jackson could not be reached directly for comment at the time of publishing. But his publicist referred New Nation to page 42 in his upcoming book “How to muthafucking swear”, where he wrote a chapter on transport problems, titled “killing muthafucking snakes on a muthafucking plane”.