SG50 changed to SG700 after Empress Place archeological dig reveals S’pore was founded 700 years ago

Posted on 15 February 2015

Government seeks refund for all grants and subsidies given out for SG50 celebrations.


Singapore looks set to scrap all SG50 celebration plans and change the tagline to SG700, the government announced today in a brief media statement.

This after a recent archeological discovery at Empress Place revealed evidence that a modern civilisation with state-of-the-art planning and transport system had been established in Singapore some 700 years ago.

This has resulted in all plans for this year’s SG50 celebration activities to come to a halt, as the belief that Singapore was founded and modernised only in the last 50 years has been revised to accommodate a history of the country that extends more centuries back.

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The government is also looking for refunds of subsidies and grants that have been handed out for SG50 celebration plans.

Kee Oh Tng, a historian who studies Singapore history, said the Empress Place archeological dig is vital proof that Singapore was more than just a fishing village in the past and even had advanced infrastructure that rivals today’s standards: “Based on the dig, we are able to confirm that Singapore was developed then and the populace had more transport and housing options than people in Singapore have today.”

“Based on the records of how spread out the artefacts were discovered, we can conclude for a fact there was no overcrowded conditions even though there was a liberal immigration policy 700 years ago. The locals and foreigners were well-adjusted then and the populace did not face taxing day-to-day living standards.”

“It is also evident that the transport system then ran on time, with more options such as private horse carriages and rickshaws to move people from place to place at far more affordable prices than today.”

“Housing was definitely more affordable then too, with young couples owning the property and affording to buy a place of their own without putting themselves into lifelong debt.”

At press time, the government is re-burying all the artefacts found and sealing them up for good and resuming with the regular SG50 celebrations and the previous Third World to First World narrative.


In other alternative news from an alternate universe:

Numerous PAP MPs put on 24-hour suicide watch after Khaw Boon Wan said commit suicide because of lapses


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Wang Pei can be considered a new citizen of Singapore. She has been here all her life, just that her environment's changed beyond recognition.

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