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Artificial grass replaces natural grass in National Stadium, also dies

Posted on 27 November 2014

Anything that is put on the stadium pitch will pass away.


It appears that anything that can go wrong in Singapore is going wrong.

Less than six months after the National Stadium natural grass turf repeatedly refused to grow and proceeded to commit suicide despite coaxing with copious amounts of sunlight, fertiliser and water, artificial grass that has been planted on the pitch as a replacement have also started to turn brown and die.

But having fake grass dying is not exactly troubling for Singaporeans from all walks of life, as they have come to accept that Singapore is so exceptional, illogical things can happen all the time in this one-of-a-kind place.

Qu Zi Sha, a local, said: “Singapore is really a first in everything. Have you heard of another country that spent more than $1 billion to build a sports stadium just to hold concerts?”

“Or have you ever heard of another tropical country with heavy rainfall and continuous sunshine all year round but cannot even grow natural grass?”

“Therefore, by extension, it is not surprising that lifeless, synthetic grass can also die.”

A silver lining though: This will help abolish Singapore’s death penalty by hanging.

A law ministry spokesperson, Zuo Fa Kuan, said: “The state will from next week onward wash its hands clean of carrying out the death penalty by hanging.”

“Convicted inmates on death row facing capital punishment will be handcuffed and wheeled onto the National Stadium’s pitch and left there overnight, where the life will simply seep out of him, like all the grass, without anyone lifting a finger.”


Singapore is so exceptional, commuters apologise to the CEO of SMRT:

S’poreans apologise to SMRT for dry humping one another at Lakeside MRT station

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- who has written 2685 posts on New Nation.

Wang Pei can be considered a new citizen of Singapore. She has been here all her life, just that her environment's changed beyond recognition.

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