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S’pore researcher discovers expensive alcohol contains crucial anti-rioting properties

Posted on 24 March 2014

Different kinds of alcohol likely to cause different types of reaction.

Top photo stolen from here

Top photo stolen from here

A top Singapore researcher has made a startling discovery yesterday.

He found that expensive alcohol and cheap alcohol consist of different chemical properties, which will lead to drinkers behaving differently.

Head researcher, Dr Lim Kar Tor, said rich people drink a different kind of alcohol from poor people, and as a result, the type of alcohol determines behaviour: “Rich people drink expensive alcohol that contains crucial anti-rioting properties, while poor people drink cheap alcohol that causes them to run riot.”

When asked to name the anti-rioting properties, Dr Lim elaborated that it is actually two substances called “wealth” and “opportunity” found only in expensive alcohol, which makes a difference in the reactions of drinkers: “You can find these properties called ‘wealth’ and ‘opportunity’ only in expensive alcohol. Once you’ve consumed enough of it, you wouldn’t be upset with your lot in life.”

“However, even if you are upset about your lot in life, ‘wealth’ and ‘opportunity’ will enable you to cry about your situation on a yacht or in a car with a pretty girl on your lap, which will help make things better, faster.”

“Therefore, cheap alcohol without ‘wealth’ and ‘opportunity’ inside, will cause rioting.”

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- who has written 2685 posts on New Nation.

Wang Pei can be considered a new citizen of Singapore. She has been here all her life, just that her environment's changed beyond recognition.

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  • AP

    A low brow satire with a regrettable, unnecessary sexist element.

    • Thomas Cai Jinzhan

      switch the lady with the man and you will be happy?

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