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Letter writer: I do not condemn asexuality, but it’s wrong

Posted on 01 March 2014

“Just because they have a genetic tendency to be asexual does not mean we should condone it.”

Reader contribution

celibate-asexual

Dear New Nation,

I read with concern your latest article about the benefits of asexuality. As a concerned parent, it is critical that there is no change to the existing policy of encouraging heterosexual married couples to have healthy relationships and to build a stable family unit.

There are many asexual people in Singapore. Many have done well in their careers in the private sector and in the government. Quite a few of them do creative work for the government. No one has been persecuted for their celibacy/ asexual lifestyle. In fact, thousands come out openly to celebrate Friendship Day and Singles Day every year on February 14. By and large, Singaporeans accept that they choose their own asexual lifestyle and no one interferes with them.

I have friends who are asexual. I do not hate them, condemn them or call them names. These friends are reasonable people and I have no issue meeting them socially. But I do not agree with the practice of asexuality. It is my personal belief and that would not change regardless of the hate mail I have received. My friends who are asexual know my belief. They accept that they won’t change me. We remain friends.

Asexuality is wrong because it threatens the basic family unit. Many people will say that asexuality is genetic. Just because they have a genetic tendency to be asexual does not mean we should condone it. I hear the same from wife beaters, gamblers, kleptomaniacs, pedophiles, homosexuals, lesbians and so on. Now, in putting them on a linear list like this, I risk being misunderstood as comparing the asexuals, for example, with drug addicts, wife beaters and so forth. In no way am I saying that. Not at all. This is the deception I see occurring around the world with regards to morality.

I hope they will be counselled to act against their own dispassions. The difference between man and animal is this: As human beings, we don’t have to yield to our primal instincts. We cannot just avoid whatever we feel like avoiding, however we please. We have the freedom of choice and the capacity to do what is best for humanity, for our nation and for civilisation.

 

Sexuality programmes in schools are so yesterday:

Pro-asexuality guide making the rounds online in S’pore

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- who has written 2685 posts on New Nation.

Wang Pei can be considered a new citizen of Singapore. She has been here all her life, just that her environment's changed beyond recognition.

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  • Satya

    Sorry… how does asexuality threaten the family unit again?

    Should we force currently celibate priests/nuns to marry?

    • Smarter than satya

      Duh

    • Sigh

      Satire…..

    • MC

      @Satya,

      Families will now have to explain to their children the issue of 50 year old spinsters and bachelors who are unmarried and spawnless.

      It’s an unecessary stress on family heads as they will be burdened with one more deviant lifestyle in addition to the many others in modern society (bankers, spammers, beauty product salepersons, politicians, etc.)

      The family unit is under severe threat and needs to be coddled with the most velvet of gloves. Oven mitts made of velvet might be useful too.

      Hope this helps you to understand the gravity of the situation.

      Families Forever.

      MiniCranium

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  • Just another asexual

    Wow, um, okay. Never read anything that bothered me so much I just HAD to comment.
    First of all, I’m an asexual. Second of all…do you even know what asexuality really is? It’s a lack of sexual attraction. It’s a sexual orientation, not celibacy — which is a practice. And it’s not a choice.
    I didn’t wake up one morning and decide to never ever have sex, or decide I never want to feel that way about someone. In fact, I’d love to get married and have kids one day. The fact I don’t know if I’ll ever want to have sex (as I’m sex-repulsed, which no, does not necessarily go hand in hand with asexuality) bothers me.
    But I did wake up one morning and on the internet found “asexual: someone who does not experience sexual attraction.”
    And my first thought was not “Oh! I want to be that!” Instead it was, “….okay….what on earth is sexual attraction?”
    And as I asked friends, I found out this was something I’ve just never experienced…so..I must be asexual. I’m not yielding any primal instincts. I’m not avoiding it. It never came to begin with. And I’m sorry (but not sorry) it’s so wrong, just being this way, when I can’t choose not to. I can, like other asexuals, choose to have sex and get married and have a family. But I can not choose to be sexually attracted to people. If that idea confuses you, think of a gay man having sex with a woman. He can choose to do it, but can not choose to be sexually attracted to her.
    On another note, you’re not the first person to say that asexuals should be fixed. I’ve heard stories of asexuals going to therapists and counseling about depression and stuff, but once their asexuality somehow comes up, those therapists and counselors choose to focus on fixing their asexuality instead of helping the actual problem, when asexuality doesn’t bother the person getting help at all. No, somehow our asexuality is the problem of heterosexuals, so we NEED to be “fixed”…. much like how people used to try to “fix” homosexuals, right? Because not being sexually attracted to the people we’re supposed to be is so wrong.
    Now, there is a very strong chance that I misread some parts of this, but there’s at least a couple points in here that are a viable point, and maybe even educated you a bit about real asexuals. Please excuse me for this being so long.

  • One asexual queer

    “Asexuality is wrong because it threatens the basic family unit.”

    Do you not realize that some of us actually still want to have relationships and start families? Just because we’re not interested in sex or we lack sexual attraction does not mean we want to be forever alone and we don’t want to have kids or partners. Many of us still crave intimacy and companionship. We just don’t love people in a sexual way.

    “I hope they will be counselled to act against their own dispassions. The
    difference between man and animal is this: As human beings, we don’t
    have to yield to our primal instincts. We cannot just avoid whatever we
    feel like avoiding, however we please. We have the freedom of choice and
    the capacity to do what is best for humanity, for our nation and for
    civilisation.”
    There’s a difference between being choosing to not have sex and not being sexually attracted to people. Please ask what being asexual really means before making assumptions because you don’t understand.

  • Aro Ace

    I’m just going to go on the record by saying that this article offended me so much that I made an account just to tear down this persons criticisms.

    “it is critical that there is no change to the existing policy of encouraging heterosexual married couples to have healthy relationships and to build a stable family unit.” Are you implying that just because someone is asexual, we cannot get married? We cannot have healthy relationships? We cannot have stable family units? If you actually have asexual friends like you say that you do, you wouldn’t believe that an asexual lacks the ability to hold a stable, healthy, and functional relationship.

    Your entire second paragraph, I am more or less okay with. You talk about how in Singapore, asexual people can live in a normal society and have normal functioning lives.

    “But I do not agree with the practice of asexuality.” Asexuality is not a practice. I did not wake up one morning and think to myself that I no longer want to have sex, and that sex is disturbing. I’ve been this way my whole life. I do not practice asexuality. I am asexual. It is an orientation, and it is not going away. Deal with it.

    “It is my personal belief and that would not change regardless of the hate mail I have received.” Have fun being a bigot for your whole life.

    “Asexuality is wrong because it threatens the basic family unit.” Many asexuals have gotten married and have healthy families. Believe it or not, love can exist without sex, and many asexuals still have sexual intercourse with their significant other for various reasons that I don’t believe that I should try to explain.

    “Just because they have a genetic tendency to be asexual does not mean we should condone it.” When you learn a way to open every cell in my body, change the genetic code to make me heterosexual, and then repair me without doing any permanent damage, let me know. Until then, live with us. We can live with heterosexuals without asking you to change, so why can’t you do the same with us?

    “I hear the same from wife beaters, gamblers, kleptomaniacs, pedophiles, homosexuals, lesbians and so on.” I have never heard a wife beater or gambler say that it was genetic. Also, kleptomania is a mental disorder, unlike asexuality and homosexuality, which are genetic and cannot be changed through treatment. In addition, can you please explain to me how you got from asexuals to wife beaters and kleptomaniacs, because I just don’t see the correlation.

    “This is the deception I see occurring around the world with regards to morality.” Glad to know that my genetic code and sexuality, which cannot be changed make me have no morals. I can become a psychopathic murder now!!! In all seriousness, what were you on when you typed up this load of crap. How am I immoral for my sexuality, and who are you to tell me what a just moral is?

    “I hope they will be counselled to act against their own dispassions.” I hope you will be counselled against your bigotry and ignorance.

    “The difference between man and animal is this: As human beings, we don’t have to yield to our primal instincts.” News flash: humans are animals. Also, I’m pretty sure that if two people stood next to each other, you would be unable to point at one and say, with the utmost certainty “That man is asexual because he is more animistic that the other one.” Also, when you act upon your heterosexuality, are you not acting upon your primal instincts?

    “We cannot just avoid whatever we feel like avoiding, however we please.” You’re avoiding asexuality. That makes you a hypocrite and a bigot.

    “We have the freedom of choice and the capacity to do what is best for humanity, for our nation and for civilization.” Who made you the king of the world? Who told you that you have the wholesome power to say who and what is best for humanity? Also, did you know that many parts of the world are making laws against discrimination towards asexuals?

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  • Mournrissey

    I’m asexual and I found this funny. Evidently these people don’t read Jonathan Swift. Else, they have done a d—ed good parody of responses by the LGBT community to ‘anti-homosexual letters’ (for want of a better term).

  • Homo-romantic Ace

    I agree with most of the comments here. You make it sound as though humans are born to fulfill their “duty” of reproduction. It’s not. And I don’t see how the small percentage of us will “threaten humanity”??? (As if the human population will just go extinct because we and the LGBTs don’t reproduce, by the way, the world is facing population explosion currently -.-) As you can see, (from the comments here) you have many logical fallacies in your argument. Fix them and perhaps people will better respect your opinion.

  • Stormleu

    If this is so, let’s hear your reasoning. It’s probably going to be stupid anyway. I quote from here, ” As a concerned parent, it is critical that there is no change to the existing policy of encouraging heterosexual married couples to have healthy relationships and to build a stable family unit.”

    Oh god, a concerned parent. The menace to all LGBT people out there.

    Next, I quote, “But I do not agree with the practice of asexuality.”

    First of all, THE PRACTICE!? It is not a practice, it is something we cannot change. We aren’t celibates either, gosh darnit.

    Quote: “Asexuality is wrong because it threatens the basic family unit.”

    It does not threaten anybody who wants to get married or have a family. I have not threatened any people who wanted to have kids, or told them not to.

    Quote: “Just because they have a genetic tendency to be asexual does not mean we should condone it. I hear the same from wife beaters, gamblers, kleptomaniacs, pedophiles, homosexuals, lesbians and so on.”

    What do you want people to do, beat asexuals? Comparing us to wife beaters and pedophiles in unfair. We don’t do unspeakable things to women or children. Heck, I’m a woman myself!

    Quote: “I hope they will be counselled to act against their own dispassions. The difference between man and animal is this: As human beings, we don’t have to yield to our primal instincts. We cannot just avoid whatever we feel like avoiding, however we please. We have the freedom of choice and the capacity to do what is best for humanity, for our nation and for civilisation.”

    I am not yielding to a primal instinct. I just feel disgusted at the thought of sex. I don’t care what’s best for you who believe our only purpose is to reproduce. And you want us to get MEDICAL HELP BECAUSE WE DON’T LIKE SOMETHING? I have never told anyone to get medical help because they don’t like my fandoms. This is just wrong.

    In the end, what’s best for humanity is kindness and understanding. The opposite of what you’re promoting.

    Congrats, you have been openly called out on Quotev! ~Stormleu

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