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Sex bloggers Alvivi split

Posted on 07 January 2014

Wankers around the world face pent-up sexual frustration


Actually the heart is a bit further up. Nehmind, you not doctor.

News that Alvin Tan and Vivian Lee have split up has caused wankers around the world to lose one of their main outlets for obtaining gratification. Widely considered sex blogging royalty much like Harry and Kate, the pair reportedly split over differences in the definition of “sexually open” but “emotionally exclusive”.

One such wanker, a middle aged guy who regularly comments on STOMP!, particularly on articles featuring scantily clad young women, commented that the loss of Alvivi was indeed tragic.

“Who am I going to vent my moral outrage on now? It’s not often that I get to enjoy WRITING ABOUT WHAT A WHORE THAT BLOGGER IS IN CAPS to ease the tension I feel from not getting enough sex in real life,” the sad sad man said while staring at his flaccid micropenis.

New Nation understands that in the absence of Alvivi, wankers have now turned to self-flagellation until they are able to obtain release.

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- who has written 268 posts on New Nation.

Joey is an intern at New Nation. He hopes to be as funny as Belmont one day and get laid at least twice a month.

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