Categorized | Health

Tags :

Non-smokers all downgraded to PES D

Posted on 17 June 2013

SAF begins experimenting with “lung enhancement projects” for national security

The potential enemy having a smoke in Indonesia.

The potential enemy having a smoke in Indonesia. AP Photo

All non-smoking National Servicemen have been declared combat unfit and will be downgraded to PES D in the beginning of August. This is in light of the recent haze which has left most men in PES A unable to complete their IPPT.

To make up for the shortfall in soldiers, the SAF will be upgrading existing smokers to combat fit status.

“Usually I finish my 2.4km run in the tenth position. Today I finished in second place wor!” said NSman Sio Hoon Kee who credits his current fitness to at least three sticks of Marlboro Menthol a day.

Local marathon hero Mok Ying Ren who finished in first place was unable to comment due to a severe coughing fit, though he was declared unable to finish the rest of his IPPT.

The SAF has already begun experimenting with lung enhancement techniques, which range from smoking three sticks of army-issued cigarettes a day, to completing the Standard Obstacle Course in a full pack with an additional shisha pipe, to living in a Breath Optimising Natural Growth room filled with less than half the oxygen found in normal air.

NSmen which pass the lung enhancement course will undergo further training during the Hungry Ghost Festival where they are expected to clear barrels of ash in simulation of an invasion in Sumatra.

This post was written by:

- who has written 268 posts on New Nation.

Joey is an intern at New Nation. He hopes to be as funny as Belmont one day and get laid at least twice a month.

Contact the author