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Environment Minister Vivian Balakrishnan resigns

Posted on 20 June 2013

Cites “unprecedented overwork” as main reason

Vivian Balakrishnan at a press conference on June 19. A picture of the June 20 conference is unavailable, but our correspondent noted that he looked worse.

Vivian Balakrishnan at a press conference on June 19. A picture of the June 20 conference is unavailable, but our correspondent noted that he looked worse.

Environment and Water Resources Minister Vivian Balakrishan obviously has seen better days. In a 3:30am press conference held early Thursday morning, he looked visibly exhausted as he announced his resignation, effectively immediately.

“When I made the decision to be a minister, prestige was a key factor. I wanted power, and I was prepared to serve the nation with all my heart and soul in exchange for a career filled with glory. But never did I expect to be swamped with this deluge of work!” he said as he sobbed openly to reporters.

Since becoming a full minister with the Ministry of Community Development Youth and Sports (MCYS) in 2005, Vivian has been hit by a spate of misfortunes beginning with an unforeseen expose of homeless people forced out into public parks happy campers having a great time outdoors, which sparked the gradual receding of his political career hairline.

Vivian in better days

Vivian in better days

Vivian was subsequently transferred to the Ministry of Environment and Water Resources where he somehow managed to incur the wrath of god who sent a hail of rain and smog down his way.

“I screwed up with the homeless people case ok? I’ll admit that. But I tried to make it good this time. Who would have thought Singapore’s worst haze in history would come on my watch??” said Vivian.

“And its not like I can do much about it. I got insulted by that idiot Agung Laksono, the Minister of Manpower is not responding to all our warnings about hazardous air, and I get blamed for the haze. The haze! Made by another country! Fuck dat. Being a surgeon’s so much easier.”

New Nation’s call to the Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) was met with an automated voice message saying “if shit has hit the fan, leave us a message and we’ll get back to you as soon as its over.”

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