Publication of new LKY 10-volume collection causes epic deforestation

Posted on 29 March 2013

Earth loses the equivalent of one-fifth of Amazon rain forest to print paper.

Education Minister Heng Swee Keat feigns interest while Lim Boo-hoo-hoo Heng looks on dispassionately.

Education Minister Heng Swee Keat (right, holding book) feigns interest while Lim Boo-hoo-hoo Heng looks on dispassionately.

A new 10-volume collection chronicling Singapore’s most prominent best-selling author Lee Kuan Yew’s speeches, dialogues and interviews while he could still string a bunch of words together from 1990-2011 has caused massive deforestation.

And a likelihood that Earth’s temperature might increase by 0.1 degrees Celsius in the next six months.

Approximately the equivalent of one-fifth of trees in the Amazon rain forest have been cut down to publish the latest series of books about His Leeness.

That nobody reads.

This has prompted climate scientists to suspect that this 10-volume collection might be single-handedly responsible for some of the things Al Gore pointed out in his Power Point presentation called An Inconvenient Truth.

As this is the second time a 10-volume series has been published. The first was two years ago, and contained words from an even earlier era.

And Singapore has been suffering from weird weather cycles since.

The 10-volume collection contains 5,500 pages of text, which is the equivalent of too much words nobody will ever read.

When one takes this 5,500 pages of text and convert them into 140-character Twitter-friendly messages, it is equivalent to 6 trillion tweets.

Ain’t nobody got time for that.

As a result, some are suggesting that His Leeness’ legacy will be forgotten in about 2 months’ time, when his books hit the shelves but fail to make it into the hands of today’s Twitter generation.

Regardless, a lot trees would have died in vain.

And there is no way of making a hash out of everything as the mandatory death penalty has long deterred recreational use.

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Wang Pei can be considered a new citizen of Singapore. She has been here all her life, just that her environment's changed beyond recognition.

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