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Attention-seeking rebel villagers get their ass kicked

Posted on 05 March 2013

Outnumbered and outgunned Sulu militants lasted five hours against the Malaysian army

Heavily-armed security forces from Malaysia have pummelled a scrappy army in Sabah into a pulp. Led by the 74-year-old Sultan of Sulu, the 180 160 150 ??? -strong Royal Sulu Sultanate Army — including 30 gunmen and five women — lasted a grand total of five hours since the Malaysian army began its operation to clear the disputed area in Borneo, of militants.

The Sultan of Sulu, the embodiment of active ageing.

The Sultan of Sulu, the embodiment of active ageing.

Hundreds of troops, sent down to outnumber the villagers, were accompanied by powerful fighter jets, tanks, and other weapons that usually serve no purpose other than to scare Singapore.

The operation began this morning at 7am when fighter jets bombed Kampong Tanduo, a village that was harbouring more than half the insurgents and the Lahad Datu area. Malaysiakini also reported that seven army battalions were deployed to assist the local police. By noon, media outlets were awash with reports that the insurgents had been squished.

The climatic showdown was a culmination of minor skirmishes since the Sultan’s followers moved to Sabah in November, in an act of defiance after they were excluded from a peace agreement between the Philippine government and the Moro Islamic Liberation Front (MILF), the largest Muslim rebel group in the southern Philippines and also every political science student’s favourite terrorist group.

Few took notice of the decree until the men arrived on Sabah and demanded to have their presence acknowledged. Since then, the sulu militants have been a source of irritation for the Philippines, which is ignoring the rebel’s claims that they are defending Philippino territory, as well as Malaysia, which has been paying US$1500 a year to the heirs of the Sulu sultanate, in exchange for the rights to the island.

On Sunday, one militant was even lynched to death by annoyed villagers after he single-handedly attempted to take 80 people hostage. The man was beaten to death by twenty youths when he put down his weapons for a cigarette break.

No mention of the elections, 1Malaysia or national solidarity was mentioned by the Malaysian Prime Minister during the incursion.

Who's your daddy now?

Who’s your daddy now?  Dr Ahmad Zahid and Home Minister Datuk Seri Hishammuddin Hussein being escorted by army personnel after arriving in Felda Sahabat Monday. — Bernama

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Joey is an intern at New Nation. He hopes to be as funny as Belmont one day and get laid at least twice a month.

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  • megabigBLUR

    I’m only sad no one’s taken the opportunity to make George Takei jokes about Sulu invading Malaysia.

  • full

    Not your usual humour … this is actually quite sad and not much to make fun of.

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