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Characteristics and behaviour of our 3.3 million Singaporean population

Posted on 17 February 2013

Did Gilbert Goh’s “Characteristics and behaviour of our 1.8 million foreign population” note contain a second page?

On Feb. 15, one day before the Hong Park Park protest on Saturday against the PAP government’s population increment plans, the founder of Transitioning.org, Gilbert Goh, wrote a one-page summary titled “Characteristics and behaviour of our 1.8 million foreign population“. (This is the cached version. The original was taken down after a lot of people accused Gilbert Goh of being a xenophobic nincompoop.)

It listed all the popular traits of people from eight nationalities, such as PRC Chinese, Indians, Filipinos and Myarmese. Yes, Gilbert Goh, in this day and age of Google, actually wrote “Myarmese”.

Here is the proof. And he used this picture to represent them:

Gilbert Goh wrote Myarmese in this day and age of Google.

Gilbert Goh wrote Myarmese in this day and age of Google.

Goes without saying, Gilbert Goh’s thesis drew widespread ridicule.

However, it has come to New Nation‘s attention that there might be a second page to Gilbert Goh’s highly concise and utterly incisive executive one-page summary.

Found pinned to a tree at Hong Lim Park during Saturday’s protest is what could possibly be the second part of the outstanding thesis, titled, “Characteristics and behaviour of our 3.3 million Singapore citizen population”.

And just like Gilbert Goh’s original one-page note, the second page focussing on Singaporeans could all very well be entirely fictitious. And as ill-conceived.

——

This note attempts to draw up a profile of the Singaporean nationality and wants to reiterate that it is not anti-Singaporean.

singaporeans-eatingSingaporeans

Population: 3.3 million

Personality: Outgoing only with friends, nit-picky, can be hardworking and business-like, formal, like to LAN gaming, humble, but can be a show-off for those who are rich.

Favourite hangout: Orchard Road, Bugis Junction, Toa Payoh central, City Harvest, JCube, Zouk, Sentosa, VivoCity

Popular jobs: Give tuition, SAF regular, entertainment industry, modelling, blogshop owner, engineering, MediaCorp, SPH, advertising, banking, SingPost, food reviewer, freelance photographer

Pay range: Depend on kind of jobs acquired but between $500 to $25,000 per month.

Niche skills: Speak Singlish, use fake ang moh accent when speaking with Caucasians regardless whether Caucasians are from Russia, France or England. And like to bargain hard in Bangkok.

Bad habit: Like to pretend to sleep while sitting on reserved seat on the train, STOMP others, like to take MC, play with smartphone, enjoy sex scandals in the media, too quiet at times, overly attached to smartphone/ tablet, like to say KNNBCCB.

Women are portrayed to be materialistic and career-driven. But in reality, a lot of them would rather marry a rich man. And own a blogshop.

Men are thought to be underwhelming and not aggressive enough when pursuing their women. Not able to take initiative and can be too soft-spoken. Short penis.

Favourite past time: Watch Running Man, shop at ASOS, sing karaoke, BBQ, go chalet, shopping, eating, visit underage prostitute (some only), go church, go supper, drink alcohol, watch EPL.

Social integration: Clique-ish, but okay as tend to talk only in mainland Singlish but can communicate well in English with others, unless called upon to give presentation in boardroom. Needs to brush up on Mandarin. Generally more talkative with ang mohs, due to colonial hangover.

Citizenship: Many Singaporeans like hassle-free travelling benefits associated with their Singaporean passport but they always end up going to Bangkok, Hong Kong and Perth. Many thought of applying for citizenship in Australia, New Zealand and United States. But not enough drive to actually fill up the form and emigrate.

Latest bugbear: The rich like to hoard property. Those can drive like to illegal parking. Go hawker centre eat already don’t want to clear plate.

This post was written by:

- who has written 2685 posts on New Nation.

Wang Pei can be considered a new citizen of Singapore. She has been here all her life, just that her environment's changed beyond recognition.

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