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How to write unconvincing propaganda

Posted on 18 December 2012

New Nation’s gift to budding state media journalists. Inspired by this article.

Step 1: Headline must be obvious; quote the PM or some minister whenever possible
We must eat or we will starve: PM

Step 2: Pick an accompanying image
Minister looking happy doing something charitable like shaking an old woman’s hand, carrying a baby or planting a tree

Shake hand

Carry baby

Plant tree

Step 3: Fill the first paragraph with pointless gist of the minister’s truism and the party event that he spoke at
Staying slim may be essential to living comfortably in the increasingly smaller hub flats, but starvation is not the solution, said PM Lee at a youth engagement forum at Ang Mo Kio community centre yesterday.

Step 4: Insert meaningless quote
“We must eat or we will starve,” PM Lee said

Step 5: Provide context as if it matters
The forum was attended by 40 wide eyed youths, including young working adults and students, who had nothing better to do on a Sunday night.

Step 6: Dress up the pointlessness of the discussion
Topics discussed included education, entrepreneurship and housing. The event was jointly organised by Ang Mo Kio GRC’s youth committee and the national youth council.

Step 7: Insert quote from someone random (you can also make stuff up, but don’t get caught)
“Will Singapore still be prosperous 60 years down the road?” one unnamed attendee asked. (Names and party affiliation not important, but quote from an obviously retarded ruling party supporter asking something retarded will always work.)

Step 8: Reply by leader should be should be standard but comforting
a) “We must not be complacent or we will die”
b) “We must move with the times or we will die”
c) “The government has brought Singapore from third world to first in 50 years and we must be cautious or we will die”

Step 9: Self-censorship must be practised to weed out bad quotes
Do not include obviously irresponsible quotes from unwitting members of the public asking something unreasonable/ difficult to answer/ will spark further discussion/ make leader look bad:
“I can’t get laid because I can’t afford to rent or to buy a condo. And that is preventing me from reproducing,” asked another unnamed person.

Also, never quote from an opposition troll in the audience:
Another participant asked about whether the government has considered the points in the SDP’s shadow budget proposal.

Step 10: If need be, leader must show reasoning with a quote that displays his tolerance to unreasonable requests
PM Lee said: “The government is doing its best. But it is not possible for everyone to have everything he wants, such as his own plot of land. We must make do with what we have and work for the common good.”

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- who has written 2685 posts on New Nation.

Wang Pei can be considered a new citizen of Singapore. She has been here all her life, just that her environment's changed beyond recognition.

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