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Road “Rage”

Posted on 14 April 2012

By Landon Lim (probably not his real name)

Like the 5 million other people in Singapore, I drive almost daily. Every morning I inhale car fumes, look at people digging their nose in their private space while digging mine, and listen to the orchestra of cars honks on the roads. Amidst the honks, I begin to wonder about certain phenomena happening on these tar roads everyday.

A fictional representation of the author

One such phenomenon is pedestrians who cross the roads anywhere and anytime they like, with or without traffic lights, pedestrian crossings or even vehicles around. Many a time, I had to stop my car and wait for the herd to cross before I can move. I know that ~this is my country, this is my flag~ from the song “We are Singapore”, but I honestly do not recall “This is my road” being stated anywhere.

My parents used to tell me to look carefully before crossing the roads as it was dangerous but these people do not seem to know that. The fact that one can be killed, maimed or well, simply injured from getting hit by a car. What on earth is happening? I decided to look into a few possibilities that could have caused this phenomenon.

1) They are descendants of Superman. If they happen to get knocked down by a car, the car would be crushed and they would not be the least bit scratched, thanks to their Kryptonian heritage. So, risking my car and life, I decided to test this out. I banged a guy who was crossing the road without even throwing me a glance, went down to check if he was breathing. He was not. I sped off immediately and ruled out this hypothesis.

2) They own the road they are currently crossing. Driving along Lim Chu Kang road, I saw a man sauntering across the road and decided to ask if his or his father’s name was Lim Chu Kang. Shocked, he replied that his father is Lim Chu Kang and he is Lim Chu Kang Jr. I then asked the 999 other people currently crossing the road, but unfortunately Mr Lim only seemed to have one heir. So there’s only a 0.1% chance of pedestrians owning the road and is therefore not the reason why pedestrians seem to be walking on the road as if they own it.

3) Driving school has taught us wrongly — that the roads are meant for pedestrians in the first place, not vehicles and they should have right of way under all circumstances. I checked my basic and advanced theory books in hopes of getting an answer but could not find any relevant information. Since I could not prove otherwise, I believe this to be the only plausible explanation for this phenomenon.

To resolve this issue, I propose there be a demerit point system for each person we knock down. Taking into account that the sentence for drunk driving and killing a pedestrian while not having a driving license is just 4 months, I suggest 3 demerit points per person knocked down for licensed drivers.

With the implementation of this new policy, there should be a sharp decrease (due to the knockdowns or fear of being knocked down) in the number of pedestrians crossing the roads however they like.

Note: Look out for Part 2 when Landon talks about the solution to traffic jams.

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Joey is an intern at New Nation. He hopes to be as funny as Belmont one day and get laid at least twice a month.

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