Tag Archive | "Sumiko Tan"

Why was Sumiko Tan snubbed at annual SPH editorial awards?

Why was Sumiko Tan snubbed at annual SPH editorial awards?

Tags: ,


She lets slip in her Sunday Times column: It was due to her impending menopause.

On Feb. 15, 2013, The Straits Times went into self-congratulatory mode. Again:

Yay! We are so awesome! We took 6 hours just to break the news of the SMRT strike and we still won! F**K you TOC, you won sh*t!

Yay! We are so awesome! We took 6 hours just to break the news of the SMRT strike and we still won! F**K you TOC, you won sh*t!

They reported how they swept all the trophies at the annual Singapore Press Holdings editorial awards. (Even though they took 6 whole hours just to break the news that SMRT drivers were on strike last November.)

It’s like the guy with the short penis telling himself it’s ok, he still has a Ferrari.

However, for the hawk-eyed among you smart, sexy readers of New Nation, you would have noticed one conspicuous omission: Potential Pulitzer Prize winning columnist, Sumiko Tan, was snubbed at the awards.

In other words, she walked away empty-handed. Zilch. Nothing. Boh ming kia.

Fast forward to The Sunday Times on Feb. 17, 2013, in Sumiko Tan’s potential Pulitzer Prize winning column.

She might have let slip (consciously or unconsciously) — while waxing lyrical about her Fallopian tubes — that it was her impending menopause that cost her.

People in office are ostracising her.

sumiko-menopause

She wrote: “Nearly half of the women admitted to having difficulties coping with symptoms while at work. About a fifth felt that menopause made managers and colleagues view them as less competent.”

sumiko-menopause-02

So, here’s the plan: All her SPH colleagues and superiors should march into her office first thing Wednesday morning and stroke her belly and tell her, “Everything is going to be alright.”

“You don’t need trophies as affirmation when you’ve money. Trophies are for young reporters who are broke and need something else to go along in life.”

Sumiko Tan writes hard news

Sumiko Tan writes hard news

Tags:


Netizens suspect that neither Warren Fernandez, nor Sumiko Tan actually write their own shit.

Cheers erupted through the cyber meanie community last week when Sumiko Tan announced that she would be suspending her column until January.

But as it turns out, she was merely making a long overdue transition to actually writing news.

Netizens were immediately suspicious at the factual quality of the front page report covering the deportation of striking bus workers. Nowhere was there mention of dogs, marriage, eye bags, or tea cozies.

“Confirm not she write one,” remarked media-savvy and politically aware netizen stinkapore_shitizen. “Where got senior editor do front line reporting one?”

Others suspected that after two years of consistent hammering by New Nation and other equally annoyed bloggers with too much free time, Sumiko had finally decided to show that she could live up to her title as News Editor.

And leave the important national commentaries to her boss, Warren Fernandez.

 

Sumiko Tan refuses to blame Sumiko Tan

Sumiko Tan refuses to blame Sumiko Tan

Tags: ,


She accuses online bullies of being “meanies” and happily forgets she might be at fault.

Another week goes by and another potential Pulitzer Prize-winning article gets regurgitated by SPH’s darling, Sumiko Tan.

In this week’s missive published in The Sunday Times on Nov. 25, 2012, Sumiko Tan gives her incisive take on what drives cyber flaming:

Basically, she blames everyone and everything but herself.

So what exactly is the world of online flaming according to Sumiko Tan?

Having been on the receiving end of trolls since the Interweb became mainstream, Sumiko Tan provides at least seven hackneyed/ recycled/ overdone reasons in this week’s Sunday Times piece about why people are mean to other people online.

1. People are mean because that’s who they are.

2. Anonymity causes people to be on their worst behaviour.

3. The speed of digital communication makes it easier to shoot off an insult.

4. There is a lack of social cues and body language online.

5. Strangers treat strangers badly.

6. Bullies want to show off their views.

7. Bullies like to fill their minds with evil thoughts and they deserve pity.

——

I mean, New Nation does not enjoy stating the obvious, but here are just three timeless reasons how and why online meanies and bullies get inspired:

1. Annoyance with an overpaid columnist.

Sept. 30, 2012. Mmm yes, First World Problems.

2. Annoyance with an overpaid columnist who writes articles about nothing in particular.

The Sunday Times, Nov. 11, 2012. Oh poor you, I can relate to feeling over-privileged.

3. Annoyance with an overpaid columnist who writes articles about nothing in particular fortnight after another goddamn fortnight.

Oct. 28, 2012. If that’s the case, what does that make you? Hmmm…

For being thick-skinned, she is nominated to be Cooler Than You.

Replace Sumiko Tan with Xiaxue

Replace Sumiko Tan with Xiaxue

Tags: ,


Queen of fillers Sumiko Tan struck again over the weekend with her article about how Singapore is in its golden age.


That, right after the MDA just banned a comedy short that was selected to be screened at the prestigious SHORTS Film Festival in May 2012 in Adelaide, Australia. The panel selected to represent Singaporeans from “all walks of life” apparently decided that the screening of the film to the virginal public would be offensive, and harmful to community standards.

In the eyes of the Straits Times’ news editor, Singapore’s Golden Age has nothing to do with restrictions on artistic work that are chalking up accolades elsewhere. What then? To sum up the half-page worth of drivel: Singapore as good as ________________________

a) how much it impresses the tourists sitting on Duck Tours
b) a super mall in the “far flung West” part of of the 40-km wide island known as Jurong
c) condos, condos and more condos in Punggol
d) the people who can afford a second property for investment
e) the number of foreigners who want “to be part of the action”

To end it off, Mdm Tan gives you, the reader, a choice, PAP-style:

Between being a magnetic, magnificent city that has to grapple with the problems of success (income inequality, crumbling infrastructure, crowdedness, loss of heritage spots) and a drab backwater town crying for foreign investments and tourists, I prefer the former anytime.

Here’s a riddle: Sumiko Tan is to a false dichotomy as easily impressionable tourists are to applause outside Marina Bay Sands. Which incidentally, is a national icon that doesn’t even belong to the nation.

After decades of boring the country with details about her boobs, her singlehood, getting old, and essentially everything you talk to with your best friend in private but now published on Sundays with captions on the front cover of the main paper and the lifestyle section, New Nation man says that its time for a younger woman with larger tits to take the helm.

And who better to do it than the queen of blogging, Xiaxue. Here’s 6 reasons why:

1) Xiaxue is one step ahead in the family planning curve and can write reams worth of columns about babies

Expectant mother hath her cups runneth over.

2) Xiaxue is less easily impressed

Her meanness, on why student interviews are lame.

3) Xiaxue is funny. Actually, sometimes funnier than us.

You have to admit, reading about Xiaxue losing weight beats reading about Sumiko Tan whining about being fat.

4) Xiaxue has a personality.

She’s had plastic surgery and is not afraid to wax lyrical about it

5) Xiaxue can photoshop pretty pictures of herself to accompany the column, which would mean less work for ST illustrator Adam Lee. So Warren Fernandez can dock his pay and create more profits for the more profitable paper in town.

We suspect this one had photoshopping all around, except for on the eyes.

6) Xiaxue has friends and a husband to contribute opinion from real people in her posts. Sumiko Tan is a world class solipsist.

SHOPPING!!! ZOMG!!

And therefore, we conclude that
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

No actually there’s no conclusion to this post. Just replace Sumiko Tan with a turtle. Please.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Or even better, a turtle with boobs.

Give Sumiko Tan a Pulitzer Prize, please

Give Sumiko Tan a Pulitzer Prize, please

Tags: , ,


She is the best writer in this galaxy so she deserves our help to get rid of those eye bags.

With yet another potential Pulitzer-winning piece out on Sept. 30, 2012 in Sunday Life!, Sumiko Tan proves why she is the best writer in the galaxy.

Potential Pulitzer Prize winner and the national broadsheet’s greatest writer since the dawn of time, Sumiko Tan, penned a heartfelt missive in Sunday Life! on Sept. 30, 2012.

Ok, ok. Don’t walk away yet! Listen to what she has to say. It will change your life!

Yes, it is written in the same twisted panties style she pioneered but just give me three minutes alright?!

In her column this week, she talked about how her body is unlike what it used to be because she is older now at 46 years old, and although she is less wet behind the ears, she is at peace, more confident and wise.

Ok, ok. She also said that she and her husband are mating because he sees her as a “peachy 16-year-old” having known her when they were both teenagers.

To sum it off, she said she is also very upset as she has “those damned double eye bags”.

So she asked readers for advice about how to get rid of them.

Being kind and all, here are a few suggestions New Nation has accumulated for getting rid of double eye bags. (Results may vary from individual to individual.)

For the uninitiated, this is Bedok Reservoir.

Trending Travel Videos