Tag Archive | "Singapore"

S’pore to increase cost of living by 30% to raise awareness of importance of life

S’pore to increase cost of living by 30% to raise awareness of importance of life

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If not, Singaporeans might take life for granted.

singapore-life-importance

Singaporeans from all walks of life, even those from the 70 percent, are nodding their heads and looking thoughtful at what is to come.

This after Singapore is set to increase the overall cost of living by 30 percent to raise awareness of the importance of life, as the only way to know something is important is if it is expensive.

One Singaporean, Bu Yao Ming, said: “Sometimes Singaporeans take life for granted. It is good to remind them that life is important and the only way to draw their attention to it is to increase the overall cost of living.”

“If the price goes up, the importance goes up as well.”

“The greater the pinch, the higher up the priority list.”

Other locals said there is nothing wrong with increasing or decreasing prices as and when one feels like it.

Another local, Mai Huan Loh, said: “They can increase the price of PAP membership and still no one will care.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Cull all birds in S’pore Bird Park as they may spread bird flu

Cull all birds in S’pore Bird Park as they may spread bird flu

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Kill them all.

bird-park-bird-flu

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like to take preventative measures against the spread of serious diseases, are urging the authorities to cull all the birds in Singapore’s Bird Park.

This after it was reported that the Agri-Food & Veterinary Authority of Singapore resorted to culling free-roaming chickens to curb the spread of bird flu.

One Singaporean, Gan Diao, said: “I’m sorry, but if this is the case, I’m afraid all the birds in the Bird Park would have to go as well.”

“The last thing we need is a sanctuary for bird flu to fester and spread to the entire human population causing an epidemic of biblical proportions.”

“The Bird Park and its entire contents must go.”

However, other locals are not in complete favour with this blunt approach of culling all birds.

Another local, Gong Jiao Wei, said: “The culling of birds should not stop at chickens or the bird park.”

“If Singapore is serious, it must also cull all the jiao lang in this country.”

Jiao lang are the worst. Worse than birds and bird flu even.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’pore feels quiet like the 1990s as 1 million foreigners go back home for CNY

S’pore feels quiet like the 1990s as 1 million foreigners go back home for CNY

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Everything appears so calm these past few days.

cny-singapore-empty

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who wonder how different the country might have turned out, are getting hit by waves of nostalgia.

This after they are experiencing 1990s conditions where there were much lesser people in Singapore this Chinese New Year, as an estimated one million foreigners left Singapore the past week to go back to their home countries to celebrate, with commerce and businesses grinding to a halt and an eerie calm has overtaken the country.

One Singaporean, Guo Xing Nian, said there is an appreciable change in atmosphere as the streets are less crowded and even the roads have become more empty: “Really feels like the 1990s where there were less people. The whole place seems to have a sense of normality and calm that I’ve not experienced at any other time throughout the year.”

“No feelings of claustrophobia at all.”

Other Singaporeans noted that this decline in the number of people in the country has improved living conditions as there has been a lesser need to fight for available space and the frenetic pace of everyday living has slowed down considerably.

Xiang Tong Nian, another local said he was surprised that this change is so noticeable, even though he has all along been well aware that Singapore has been reliant on foreigners: “Singapore must have more Chinese New Year public holidays. It will be good for everybody as there will be more days of emptiness.”

“We could really use a bit of that.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Flooding all over S’pore linked to Noah’s Ark event

Flooding all over S’pore linked to Noah’s Ark event

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It was a divine warning.

singapore-flooding

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who know an omen when they see one, are urging the authorities to think twice and repent for Singapore’s sins.

This after they noticed that the whole of Singapore flooded on Jan. 23, 2017, is linked to the biblical events of Noah’s Ark, where the world and humanity were destroyed as people turned their backs on God and chose a path of sin instead.

One Singaporean, Qu Jiao Tang, said: “There is no doubt that Singapore flooding is closely linked to the Noah’s Ark message. The speed of the water’s rise was biblically quick.”

“However, God probably thought twice about destroying Singapore as He gave chance for us to change, unlike what happened to the people who did not believe Noah and who had it coming.”

Other locals said given this new lease of life, the first step Singaporeans need to take to signal to the Alpha and Omega is that we are a changed people.

Another local, Yuan Liang, said: “The first step is to recognise where sin in Singapore stems from and it is obvious it comes from the name ‘Singapore’.”

“Therefore, we need to remove ‘Sin’ from ‘Singapore’ and replace it with ‘Righteousness’.”

“So, from now on, ‘Singapore’ will be renamed as ‘Righteousnesspore’.”

“And then we need to build an ark and put at Mandai zoo there, just in case.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Introduce COE for bicycles as cyclists displaying sense of entitlement

Introduce COE for bicycles as cyclists displaying sense of entitlement

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This is to keep up with the entitlement mentality of Singaporeans.

cyclists-singapore

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who like walk on sidewalks and pavements but fear getting knocked down by bicycles, are applauding calls for Certificate of Entitlement to be applied to cyclists.

This after other ideas such as requiring cyclists to get licensed similar to car licenses have been mooted alongside having COE for bicycles.

One Singaporean, Hor Qia Long, said he supports this call for COE for bicycles: “It is really about keeping up with the times.”

“As cyclists increasingly feel entitled to ride on pavements and on the roads and behave like their grandfather owns everything, Certificates of Entitlement should be issued to go with this newfound entitlement.”

Tan Tua Lui, another local, said it takes a bit of social engineering to pull off the introduction of COE for bicycles: “One way to make COE more prestigious to cyclists is to introduce competitions like Subaru Challenge for bicycles.”

“This will allow cyclists a chance to win a COE under difficult circumstances to show how coveted a COE is.”

“And when more people have it, more people will want it. It’s a very Singaporean thing to do.”

At press time, acknowledging how drivers, cyclists and pedestrians use the roads will make them family as they all act like it is their grandfathers’ road.

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’pore celebrates 200 years independence as 4 once-in-50-years floods have occurred

S’pore celebrates 200 years independence as 4 once-in-50-years floods have occurred

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In a blink of an eye, two centuries have past.

great-flood-singapore

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who are glad they belong to a mature democracy, are letting their hair down and painting the town red as they celebrate the night away.

This after they managed to celebrate 200 years of independence following the coming to pass of four once-in-50-years floods.

One Singaporean, Yan Shui, said: “When the first once-in-50-years flood occurred, I couldn’t believe Singapore had hit a milestone. To be able to make it past 50 years old was such a freak event.”

“Next thing I knew, we were 200 years old.”

“Sure feels good to have a long history on our side.”

However, other locals were more cautious with becoming a two-century old country moving forward.

Another local, Lau Kok Kok, said: “One moment you’re 50, next moment you’re 200. Who knows? Maybe soon Singapore can be 500 years old.”

“So, it is sometimes better to remain a young innocent nation.”

“But from the looks of it, we’ll be celebrating our 250 years of independence soon.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’pore to celebrate Tanksgiving Day on Nov. 23 every year, make it a public holiday

S’pore to celebrate Tanksgiving Day on Nov. 23 every year, make it a public holiday

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Give tanks with a grateful heart.

Terrex-Infantry-Carrier-Vehicles-china-singapore

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who appreciate that they can give tanks, are giving tanks profusely.

This after it was announced that Singapore will celebrate Tanksgiving Day on Nov. 23 every year from now on and will be making the day a public holiday.

One Singaporean, Gan En, said: “Since we gave China nine tanks on Nov. 23, 2016, it is good to look back on this day from now on annually as a reminder that there are other things in life to give tanks for.”

“Giving tanks should be customary and a ingrained practice.”

However, other locals said China taking the nine Terrex Infantry Carrier Vehicles do not really constitute giving tanks.

Another local, Huan Geh Wo, said: “No tanks, I’d rather they be mine.”

“Then, it would really be… explosive,” he said as he put on his sunglasses as The Who came on.

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’poreans react to Yaacob Ibrahim’s insistence there’s desire for Malay president

S’poreans react to Yaacob Ibrahim’s insistence there’s desire for Malay president

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Three thoughts you must have had.

desire-to-see-tharman

Minister in charge of Muslim Affairs Yaacob Ibrahim said the desire to see a Malay president in Singapore cuts across the Malay community.

Many from the community would, in private in closed-door discussions, be in favour.

This is so even though younger Malays have grown up with meritocracy as the basis of how society is organised and appear reluctant to see a “circuit breaker” in the Elected Presidency (EP) to ensure minority representation, he said.

Here are three thoughts Singaporeans have:

 

sian-half-auntie “The desire to see an Indian prime minister cuts across Singapore.”
Zuo Zhong Li, 44-year-old ballot box manufacturer

 

sian-half-uncle “The desire to see a bald Indian prime minister cuts across Singapore, to be more precise.”
Bee Jiao Zun, 66-year-old dartboard maker

 

happy-bird-girl “Singaporeans would love to see Tharman Shanmugaratnam become prime minister next.”
Jian Zhen De, 17-year-old student

 

 

 

 

 

 





Nationalise private tuition in S’pore to make education system truly great

Nationalise private tuition in S’pore to make education system truly great

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Private tuition is what allows students to reach full academic potential.

singapore-nationalise-private-tuition

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who recognise what works and what doesn’t, have come out to urge the government to take over the private tuition industry.

This after they said the billion-dollar tuition industry is what makes education in Singapore truly great and deserves to be nationalised to take over their best practices of helping students score good grades.

Currently, the public education system is focused too much on making students not hit their full academic potential as they are urged to be balanced and nurture other life skills.

One Singaporean, Pu Xi, said: “The public education system in Singapore is okay on its own at best. Most Singaporeans who have gone through it made it despite the public education system.”

“Because what really works is the private tuition industry, where the best help is rendered.”

“When the government makes private tuition a public good, it would be accessible to all, for all, without discrimination, which is truly fair and great.”

Other locals said making tutors become public servants would allow them to serve their true calling as educators.

Another local, Xi Shen, said: “Private tutors have been making scholars out of students and must be recognised as well as or even more than public school teachers.”

“By becoming on par with public school teachers, they can now carry out their tasks knowing they are doing it for other people’s benefit and not their own private gains.”

“That would be very noble indeed.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Rio Olympics wrap-up: S’pore mainstream media still disappointing, ranked 154th in world

Rio Olympics wrap-up: S’pore mainstream media still disappointing, ranked 154th in world

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Report card grade: F-

mainstream-media-reporters-singapore

In a post-mortem report dissecting how well Team Mainstream Media Singapore did this Rio 2016 Olympics, Singaporeans from all walks of life have given them an F- grade in their report card.

The collective opinion of Singaporeans is that reporters, also referred to as keyboard athletes, have lived up to expectations of a 154th rank media in the world.

One Singaporean, Mei You Yong, said: “It was noted that none of the reporters in Singapore are Olympians. They have not participated in any major international competitive sport, but were seen to be talking smack quite a lot comparatively.”

“It must have been exhausting working out those fingers of theirs the last two weeks though. Instead of directing hard questions at politicians, they direct hard questions at sports persons.”

“Overall, it was as expected, an F- performance.”

Other locals said there is a silver lining though now that the mainstream media in Singapore is ranked so low internationally.

Qu Chi Sai, another local, said: “Singapore’s media put up a disappointing overall Olympic media campaign, including conveniently forgetting the hard work of each and every athlete and their team, who did their best to represent Singapore despite the lack of support they received in the build-up.”

“So, no one notices how badly the mainstream media performs anymore these days until they do something stupid to bring it upon themselves.”

“So the only way to go is up, I guess.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Foreigners unhappy with S’pore must aim higher by insulting everyone on a global level

Foreigners unhappy with S’pore must aim higher by insulting everyone on a global level

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Think big, go far.

pokemon-go

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who are ready to introduce people to Perth as a good place to hide out, are inviting foreigners in Singapore to freely vent their anger and insult Singapore and Singaporeans.

This after a foreigner freely insulted Singapore and Singaporeans and was called out by locals, resulting in him getting fired from his job.

One local, Hor Gao Kan, said: “Foreigners who are unhappy with Singapore should not feel the need to bottle up those feelings and suffer inside.”

“They should feel free to vent them out in public, especially on social media, where more people can see and share it for posterity’s sake.”

“After which, the foreigner will promptly have more free time to spare to ruminate about life, in general.”

However, other locals said foreigners targeting Singapore and Singaporeans alone can be dangerous as it is self-limiting.

Siow Pah, another Singaporean, said: “It is important for foreigners to target their anger at Singapore and Singaporeans, but more can be done.”

“To really make an impact beyond Singapore, the foreigner who is angry must go on a non-discriminatory rant against everyone without being blinded by race, religion or nationality and even sexual orientation.”

“That is the true spirit of embracing globalisation.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’pore’s politics must remain above race, religion but not extra-marital affairs

S’pore’s politics must remain above race, religion but not extra-marital affairs

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Some things are just harder than others.

singapore-politics-above-race-religion

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who agree to a wide range of platitudes, said they fully support the statement that Singapore’s politics must remain above race and religion.

This after it was reported that it is wrong for those who are aiming for a position of power in politics to make divisive comments about race and religion, in reference to the US presidential election.

One Singaporean, Bee Jiao Hao, said she concurs: “Singapore politics is very special and different one. We are not afflicted like other countries.”

“We must remain above race and religion, and must wear a halo and be different and untainted.”

However, other Singaporeans said being above race and religion is a good thing, but not the most ideal.

One other local, Bao Kah Leow, said: “Why stop at being above race and religion? Why not be above everything else?”

“Singapore’s politics must remain above race, religion, science, geography, mathematical certainty, biology, home economics, literature, Cubism, international relations, spirituality and entertainment.”

“However, if we asked David Ong if Singapore politics can be above extra-martial affairs, he would say ‘No’.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’pore govt will protect everyone, especially those who oppose the ruling govt

S’pore govt will protect everyone, especially those who oppose the ruling govt

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You will be kept safe and sound.

protected-place

The Singapore government has pledged to protect Singaporeans from all walks of life from the threat of violence, regardless of a person’s sexual orientation, race, religion or political affiliation.

This stance was reiterated by the authorities after the Orlando gunman carried out a mass shooting on Sunday.

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who believe the government will no doubt go the extra mile in its duty of protecting its citizens, said those who oppose the ruling government will be especially well taken care of and receive more attention.

One Singaporean, Qu Zuo Lao, said: “If you are an ordinary Singaporean, ordinary surveillance will be deployed to make sure a watchful eye is always there to keep you safe from harm.”

“If you are a Singaporean who opposes the ruling government, there will be more watchful eyes making sure you are alright all the time.”

“Very professional.”

Other locals said they agree with this sentiment.

Another Singaporean, Ai As Dee, said: “Once in a while, you might even have some people check up on you at night and pick you up from your home to make sure you are okay.”

“They might even bring you to a safe place with good sturdy locks and copious amounts of coffee to be watched over round the clock, so that no one can harm you at all, let alone contact you.”

“Then you will be given free lodging and free food for a period of time to make sure you are alright.”

“Then when you come out of the place with good sturdy locks after being watched by professional people for a period of time, you might still be paid a visit from time to time to check that you are okay and no one has gotten to you.”

“Then you might be followed, just in case.”

“Or transferred to an island, where no one and no harm can get to you for your own protection.”

“And then you might be even given a chance to say that you want this sort of protection because you deserve it.”

“Such protection.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Nothing much happening this Sunday evening in S’pore

Nothing much happening this Sunday evening in S’pore

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Nothing to get alarmed about.

singapore-at-night-west-coast

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who are not alarmed or jolted to take notice or get angry about something, are blissfully unmolested by the lack of anything really major happening in Singapore on Sunday evening.

This after nothing really major is happening on Sunday evening.

One Singaporean, Kuah Dian See, who is catching up on shows on Netflix, said: “This season’s episodes are really great. Another four episodes to go.”

Other locals said the weather has cooled significantly this evening compared to the past two months and wondered if that would make it into the news tomorrow.

Another local, Gong Jiao Wei, said: “Given how news works in Singapore, it will surely make it into the mainstream media, waxing lyrical about how the monsoon winds have changed and there is a cold surge heading Singapore’s way and expect cooler temperatures from now till end of July blah blah blah…”

“It’s almost as if there is no news to report these days.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





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