Tag Archive | "Singapore"

Future Music Festival Asia might not proceed in S’pore as electronic music can cause drug-taking

Future Music Festival Asia might not proceed in S’pore as electronic music can cause drug-taking

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The police would then be inconvenienced as they have to arrest people and hang them later.

future-music-festival-asia-2015

Singapore looks set to ban live electronic music in public by disallowing Future Music Festival Asia 2015 from being held here after successfully banning eating and alcohol consumption in public after 10.30pm.

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This was after authorities believe drugs can spring a surprise appearance at the FMFA 2015 by circumventing Singapore’s tough anti-drug policing and death penalty laws.

However, Singaporeans who support the ban on electronic music said it is the only logical thing to do.

Xi Du Ping, a local, said: “People who listen to electronic music tend to take drugs. Same as how people who drink alcohol will riot even when they are feeling okay.”

“And when people take drugs, they will become a bum and a strain on society.”

“This will cause the police to be inconvenienced as they have to arrest people. And later on, when found guilty, have to hang them.”

“This will lead to further bad publicity for Singapore internationally, as we’d look like the Taliban for dishing out the death penalty.”

Other Singaporeans who are supportive of the ban said FMFA 2015 is unlike ZoukOut, which is allowed to happen every year.

One local, Jiang Dao Li, said: “ZoukOut is all Singapore needs. Because it is supported by the Singapore Tourism Board.”

 

Ban everything, Singapore:

S’pore to ban eating in public after banning alcohol consumption in public after 10.30pm

A-Mei’s Rainbow song can spread homosexuality, S’pore authorities warn

Taylor Swift suspected of singing songs mocking S’pore authorities

6 events in your life that are more important than getting your A-Level results

6 events in your life that are more important than getting your A-Level results

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Your A-Level results should not determine your life. There are other more important events.

a-level-results

So, you got your A-Level results back on March 2, 2015 and it feels like it is the end of the world?

Don’t be silly, you’re making small things look big. And because there are other things that could really end your world.

Let’s help you put things into perspective. Here are 6 events in your life that are more important than getting your A-Level results.

 

1. Your birth

new-born

If you weren’t born, none of the things that happen would matter because you wouldn’t be there to observe it.

 

2. Your death

funeral-procession

Getting exam results is one thing. Dying is another. It is not the be-all. But it sure is the end-all.

 

3. Choosing a flat that is not beside a columbarium

columbarium-sengkang

Not choosing correctly can cost you a lot of money and probably even your retirement fund. Would you rather get a B for Econs or potentially lose a few hundred thousand dollars?

 

4. Choosing a spouse

wedding-rings

If you don’t choose properly, it could end in divorce and you losing half your assets. That’s worse than a C for Math.

 

5. Getting your university results

nus-results

After your A-Level, you are still a useless person because you don’t have a degree. Therefore, you need to go to university.

And if you fail at university, you would need to take the exams again the next semester and staying back in school for another term is a strain on finances.

Worse, you get expelled for sucking at higher tertiary level.

 

6. Posting a brainless comment on social media that leads to your expulsion from the country after it goes viral

amy-cheong

anton-casey

Worse things can happen later on in life than getting a B for Knowledge and Inquiry.

 

As you can see, there are more important things in life than your A-Level results.

Don’t fret. There are worse things to ruin your day.

 

Here is another thing that is more important than your A-Level results:

6 rainbow buildings in S’pore that have stood up for gay rights

‘From Swamp To Skyscrapers’ narrative ignores the fact that S’pore still has swamps

‘From Swamp To Skyscrapers’ narrative ignores the fact that S’pore still has swamps

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This false narrative gives outsiders the impression that mudskippers stay in high-rise apartments.

skyscrapers-singapore

A recent BBC article framed Singapore’s journey in the last 50 years as one about going from “swamp to skyscrapers”.

A lot of Singaporeans from all walks of life are familiar with this narrative.

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However, if we stopped to think, we’d realise that this narrative paints a false picture of what life is really like in Singapore.

Because, the truth is, Singapore in 2015, still has swamps. Gasp!

By insisting on the “From Swamp To Skyscrapers” narrative, what we are doing is send a wrong message to outsiders beyond Singapore’s shores: We are effectively telling foreigners that the water monitor lizard, mudskipper and Great Egret do not live in the swamps here but in high-rise apartments.

When we do that, what we are doing is effectively whitewashing the biodiversity and the countless species of flora and fauna that live at the intersection of freshwater and saltwater habitats.

Have we considered what Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve would feel?

Or Pasir Ris Park? Nee Soon Swamp Forest?

How about Chek Jawa?

By continuing to perpetuate this false narrative to create a false consciousness, we will inflict symbolic violence on innocent habitats.

Therefore, we need to stick with the “From Swamps To Skyscrapers With Pockets Of Swamps” narrative for a new beginning to dawn.

 

What lies beneath Singapore?:

Govt seeking refund from feng shui masters as S’pore Flyer still bankrupt

SG50 changed to SG700 after Empress Place archeological dig reveals S’pore was founded 700 years ago

Private tutors in S’pore must pass compulsory exams to show mastery of the subjects they teach

Private tutors in S’pore must pass compulsory exams to show mastery of the subjects they teach

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Or else, they cannot get license to teach tuition.

private-tutor-singapore

Singapore looks set to pass a law to require private tuition teachers to take and pass compulsory exams in subjects they teach to show that they have mastery over their knowledge and are up to date with the national school syllabus.

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This move comes after Singaporeans mooted the idea for Ministry of Education teachers to take national exams to prove that they have what it takes to do well in subjects they teach, before they are allowed to step into classrooms.

Private tutors who fail to get distinction in the subjects they teach will not be issued a license. Those who get below distinction will be asked to attend remedial classes.

Those who fail will be demanded to change professions and go into other economy-enhancing professions, such tourism or working in the casinos.

One Singaporean tutor, Qi Bu Xi, said she is delighted at this news as it will cause an attrition of the number of private tuition teachers with only the best surviving: “I appreciate how the government is looking out for us private tutors, as these compulsory exams will cause only those exam-savvy ones to be retained and earn the bulk of the money.”

“Plus, the private tuition industry needs to be licensed as there are many tutors out there who don’t contribute CPF and pay taxes annually as they do not declare their income.”

“A licensing scheme will also allow a better differentiation between those tutors who can make it and those who cannot make it.”

“The next step is accreditation, where tutors who score better on the compulsory exam are allowed to charge more for their services.”

“It is a win-win situation for the government and the people.”

 

Tuition will lead to life-long dependency on assistance:

Students must be self-reliant, private tuition to be made illegal next year

S’pore feels less crowded like in the 1990s as 1 million foreigners went back home for CNY

S’pore feels less crowded like in the 1990s as 1 million foreigners went back home for CNY

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Everything appears so calm and normal these past two days.

cny-singapore-empty

Waves of nostalgia has hit Singaporeans from all walks of life these past two days of Chinese New Year celebrations, as many locals said they are experiencing 1990s conditions where there were much lesser people in Singapore.

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This after an estimated 1 million foreigners left Singapore the past week to go back to their home countries to celebrate Chinese New Year, with commerce and businesses grinding to a halt as an eerie calm has overtaken the country.

One Singaporean, Guo Xing Nian, said there is an appreciable change in atmosphere as the streets are less crowded and even the roads have become more empty: “Really feels like the 1990s where there were less people. The whole place seems to have a sense of normality and calm that I’ve not experienced at any other time throughout the year.”

“No feelings of claustrophobia at all.”

Other Singaporeans noted that this decline in the number of people in the country has improved living conditions as there has been a lesser need to fight for available space and the frenetic pace of everyday living has slowed down considerably.

Xiang Tong Nian, another local said he was surprised that this change is so noticeable, even though he has all along been well aware that Singapore has been reliant on foreigners: “This just means that the number of people on an island has severe repercussions on livability.”

“Singapore should really have more Chinese New Year public holidays then. It will be good for everybody as there will be more days of emptiness.”

“We could really use a bit of that.”

 

This Chinese New Year, there was a lot of fun:

S’porean couples struggle to conceal rope burn marks as CNY reunion dinner cuts too close to 50 Shades V-Day weekend

S’porean man really didn’t get anything for his girlfriend for Valentine’s Day

S’porean man really didn’t get anything for his girlfriend for Valentine’s Day

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He actually believed his girlfriend when she said she didn’t want anything.

image

A woman was increasingly visibly upset with her boyfriend on Valentine’s Day on Saturday.

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This occurred after he really didn’t buy her anything for the occasion because he really believed her when she said she didn’t want anything the week before.

Zhen Yuan Wang, the boyfriend, said: “I really had no idea what she said is not what she meant. She said to me a week before Valentine’s Day she didn’t want anything? So what was I supposed to believe?”

“Some days she said she didn’t want to have sex and she really meant it during those times.”

Other men who are familiar with this situation can only shake their heads and offer their condolences.

Hong Kan Leow, a man who had the same thing happened to him last year, said: “I was very excited at first because I thought my girlfriend was different.”

“But I guess that’s the price you pay for thinking like a normal man.”

 

This is love in Singapore:

S’porean couples say Valentine’s Day good time to relive good old days when they first got together, free from problems

 

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S’pore lion dance troupes practising piano renditions of tunes as ban on drums could be extended

S’pore lion dance troupes practising piano renditions of tunes as ban on drums could be extended

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They are willing to cope with string instruments as long as Singapore is safe and harmonious.

lion-dance-piano

Lion dance troupes in Singapore are putting their trademark drum sets and cymbals away, starting this Chinese New Year.

Instead of relying on loud banging and crashing sounds during performances that could potentially flout the law, many dance troupes said they will start practising piano renditions of classic lion dance tunes to keep up with Singapore’s anti-drumming laws.

Singapore, this past week, arrested three people during Thaipusam because they were doing something against the law.

Wu Shi, one of the leading lion dance troupe members, said he is not worried that choreographing dance moves using piano tunes will change the feel of the performance and an abandonment of tradition: “The news of drums being banned during Thaipusam making the rounds these few days has made us realised that drums are potentially violent instruments that can unleash the baser instincts in humans.”

“As we are aware that drumming could be banned in other areas as they can be deemed to potentially flout the law, we have taken the first step of keeping up with the times by using pianos instead.”

“Furthermore, it is not fair to make Indians feel privileged in Singapore by banning drumming. All races must face bans when it comes to drumming, so that all races can feel privileged at the same time.”

At press time, concert organisers in Singapore have confirmed that all live acts performing in Singapore from this month onward will have to do so without percussion or any identifiable drum kit.

 

It’s all about the bass no drums:

Backstreet Boys renamed Backstreet Uncles to abide by S’pore’s strict anti-false advertising laws

Public drinking prohibitions not effective as 3 men arrested at Thaipusam still smelt of alcohol

 

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Backstreet Boys renamed Backstreet Uncles to abide by S’pore’s strict anti-false advertising laws

Backstreet Boys renamed Backstreet Uncles to abide by S’pore’s strict anti-false advertising laws

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They have to change their name before they are allowed to perform live here.

backstreet-boys-uncles

To avoid running afoul of the strict anti-false advertising laws in Singapore that could lead to a huge fine and public caning, American pop group Backstreet Boys were ordered to change their name to Backstreet Uncles before they could set foot here to perform live.

The pop group that used to leave adolescent girls moist with excitement will be performing at the The Star Theatre on May 2, 2015, in a bid to relive their pre-YouTube glory days.

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who grew up listening to the group in their adolescent years, said the name change is appropriate as they themselves have grown old over the last 20-odd years.

Baey Hiao Bai, a Singaporean man in his 40s, said: “So old already still boys? Call yourself men, more girls will like. Backstreet Men sound so much better. ‘Boys’ sound so juvenile and uncool. And ‘boys’ are not tested by time. Weak and uninspiring.”

“Got this Singapore group called what, ‘Ah Boys To Men’? Even worse, not boys and not men. Weak and flaccid.”

However, not all fans were happy with the name change.

Lau Char Bor, one of the fans who grew up listening to Backstreet Uncles, said she would be outraged if anyone called her “auntie”: “This is not right. I would be so angry if anyone called me auntie. I might be 37 years old this year, but deep down inside, I am only 22 at most.”

“I am not shy telling people my real age. That’s why on my Tinder profile I always indicate I am 30.”

“Correct what, 30, 37, same.”

 

The Star Theatre is awesome:

S’poreans agree with Khaw Boon Wan: ‘We can’t remember the last time anyone used religion to make money’

Letter writer: Ban Adam Lambert from performing

 

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Parliament passes hipster control bill, patronising pretentious cafes to be made illegal

Parliament passes hipster control bill, patronising pretentious cafes to be made illegal

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No more sale of brunch during brunch hours.

By Antisera

laneway-littering

Following Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong’s outcry about the mess left behind by hipsters at the Laneway Festival 2015 held at Gardens By The Bay on Jan. 24, 2015, parliament has passed a bill in response to ban brunch food in Hipster Control Zones.

These include Jalan Besar, Tiong Bahru and Haji Lane, areas densely populated with hipster cafes.

PM Lee’s call for a “truly clean city” on Jan. 28 motivated a search for the root cause of public littering in Gardens by the Bay.

The source of the littering — reportedly detected through routine data analyses of Instagram hashtags — was found to be hipsters, a subdomain of people that has been growing in size in Singapore who are founded by a culture built upon asserting music supremacy, sustaining the sales of overpriced lattes and most recently, flippant littering.

hipster-instagram

The Hipster Control Bill will ban the sales of hipster brunch food by cafes between 10am to 5pm island-wide.

According to a MP who tabled the motion to discuss the piece of legislation, the bill is primarily aimed at hipsters and serves to minimise public disturbance in the form of littering, incessant DSLR photo-taking, and the obnoxious blasting of songs by universally popular obscure bands, all of which has greatly risen in occurrences since 2011.

Mixed reactions have been sparked off by the new law.

A supporter of the bill, Pin Fan Ren, said: “This ban is good. If I cannot drink my Tiger after 10.30pm, then they also cannot drink their latte before 2pm.”

“Don’t like anything, just ban. Like that then fair.”

On the other hand, the bill has been accused by some as a blunt instrument that compromises the freedom of non-hipsters.

Bu Kong Pin, a heartlander, said: “Now I cannot eat my Ya Kun eggs and drink Teh-O at 11am anymore.”

“I also never anyhow throw! How come cannot just ban hipsters only?”

However, cafes said they are not significantly concerned about dips in revenue with the passing of the Hipster Control Bill.

One cafe owner explains: “This won’t be a problem at all. In fact, I think the government forgot one important part of the cafe scene… We have All Day Breakfasts.”

The bill will come into effect in early March.

 

Singapore hipsters complain:

Indie Laneway Festival 2015 fails yet again after attracting 13,000 mainstream people to attend

Customers cook, wash plates & pay for meal as dearth of S’poreans in F&B sees restaurants go fully self-service

Customers cook, wash plates & pay for meal as dearth of S’poreans in F&B sees restaurants go fully self-service

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Customers must prepare, cook and serve food by themselves, for themselves.

self-service-restaurants

As the food and beverage industry prepares itself for the worst in expectations of being hit hard by manpower shortages in the next few months due to lesser and lesser Singaporeans taking up jobs waiting tables and serving food, a brand new dining concept is expected to hit our shores.

Called “fully self-service restaurants”, they are expected to be launched island-wide at 28 different locations.

The restaurants are colloquially named “Cook Yourself”, a reference to Singaporeans’ poor grammar and concise speak.

Fully self-service restaurants would see customers buying their own raw ingredients to the F&B eatery, preparing the food, cooking them in the restaurants’ kitchens and serving the food to themselves, as the number of locals working in the industry continues to dwindle.

All these without a single service staff employed by the restaurant to get in the way.

This latest concept is less a marketing gimmick than a bid to overcome the foreseeable and prolonged manpower shortages in the volatile F&B industry, where nation-wide cuts in foreign labourers will see eateries closing down or coming up with new ideas to survive.

How the self-service restaurants function is quite similar to regular restaurants. Except customers are expected to do everything themselves.

The restaurants will only be providing tables, chairs and air-conditioning, besides napkins and the complementary plate of peanuts.

CEO of Cook Yourself, Kar Kee Lai, said: “Being able to prepare your own meal would empower Singaporeans to do more with their lives.”

Customers can call to make prior reservations, provided other customers are on hand in the restaurant to answer their calls and take their reservations.

Otherwise, all seating and availability in the kitchen will be based on a first-come-first-serve basis.

Customers are expected to take turns using the restaurants’ kitchen to marinate and cook their own food. After which they must wash their own dishes.

They have the option to cook for other customers, but all profits will be paid to the restaurant.

The collection of payment is also self-service and they can choose to pay by cash or card. The cash register will be manned by customers.

The last few customers who finish dining at night will be expected to mop the floor and close up before they leave.

Anybody who tries to cheat, will be referred to The Police.

Who will come by and taser you.

 

More F&B news in Singapore:

Hawkers cook tastier food when Gordon Ramsay showed up

Gordon Ramsay opening 50 chili crab restaurants in S’pore