Tag Archive | "Singapore"

Wet weather causing S’poreans to yearn for last month’s drought

Wet weather causing S’poreans to yearn for last month’s drought

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They bemoan the loss of boring predictability of no rainfall.

Photo stolen from here

Photo stolen from here

Singaporeans from all walks of life with an inability to tolerate variation said the wet and rainy conditions this past week is causing them to miss last month’s dry spell of drought.

Wa Zhao Kng, a Singaporean lady dressed in a white top, said: “I could go out any time of the day last month without worrying about bringing an umbrella. Now, I get drenched even though it was bright and sunny just moments before.”

Singaporeans also said the sudden wet weather is an affront to their sense of predictability and a threat to Singapore’s sovereignty as it affects the country’s productivity.

Qu Ba Sha, a housewife, said: “I hang the clothes out and then want to go downstairs and buy groceries and then it rain and I need to run back up to collect the clothes.”

“This will affect my workflow and it is a burden for the result-oriented.”

S’poreans saddened super high cost of living finally caught up with ministers’ salaries

S’poreans saddened super high cost of living finally caught up with ministers’ salaries

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They should pay themselves more to cope with inflation.

singapore-skyline

Singaporeans from all walks of life who earn a pittance are deeply saddened by news that Singapore has just been ranked the number one most expensive city on planet Earth.

They said their source of sadness stems from the fact that the high cost of living here has finally caught up with ministers’ salaries and they are worried that office holders will not have enough.

Mei You Qian, a local, said: “Poor ministers, now how can they buy many things with only a few million dollars?”

However, other locals interviewed said they finally understood why high salaries for ministers has all along been justified.

One Singaporean, Lin Na Beh, said: “Ohhh… They were paying themselves a lot because they were planning ahead for this day to happen where Singapore is ranked the most expensive city.”

“I guess it is time to plan ahead again for the future.”

S’poreans surprised S’pore didn’t take things lying down

S’poreans surprised S’pore didn’t take things lying down

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Singapore reacts to Indonesia by rescinding invitation to Singapore Airshow here.

singapore-airshow

Singaporeans from all walks of life are surprised that Singapore didn’t take things lying down, one day after the mainstream media urged online vigilantes to take things lying down when provoked.

Singapore has instead reacted offline to Indonesia’s controversial naming of a naval warship after two marines who carried out a bomb attack on MacDonald House in 1965, by rescinding the invitation to the Singapore Airshow here.

One Singaporean, Mei Chu Xi, said: “We shouldn’t preach one thing and practise another. Like how we say we don’t want other people to get involved with Singapore politics, we also shouldn’t dictate how other people want to name their country’s boats.”

“Because if we really want to push it, we should unfriend Indonesia on Facebook.”

Other Singaporeans have also given a different perspective.

Another local, Mei Wen Ti, said: “Let’s move on. How come we never say that this time?”

S’pore busy sending rebuttals to New York Times, Forbes, Stephanie Koh

S’pore busy sending rebuttals to New York Times, Forbes, Stephanie Koh

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“Singapore is flawless, if you haven’t noticed.”

singapore-skyline-02

Singapore has issued one stinging rebuttal after another to The New York Times, Forbes and Singaporean K Pop sensation, Stephanie Koh.

This after Singapore was criticised by these three parties this past month for some stuff here.

Addressing criticisms by NYT, who wrote last month that the Little India riot was caused by unhappiness among foreign workers, Singapore replied matter-of-factly: “There is no such thing as unhappiness in Singapore.”

Responding to a Forbes article this week suggesting that an economic bubble is going to burst here, Singapore counter-argued: “Singapore is flawless, if you haven’t noticed.”

In the best sleight-of-hand reply to K Pop Sensation, Stephanie Koh, who made a video explaining why she is not proud to be a Singaporean, Singapore retorted: “There is a reason you are not proud to be Singaporean: Because you are just being a typical Singaporean.”

“Because Singaporeans typically have no pride.”

S’poreans prepared for wet, wild rainy weekend

S’poreans prepared for wet, wild rainy weekend

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They say they are certain they will weather the storm and will keep themselves occupied.

rain-singapore

Singaporeans from all walks of life with varying levels of tolerance for repetition said they are optimistic about weathering this weekend’s wet and wild rainy conditions.

They said they have a host of activities lined up and places to go to make full use of their time and lives.

Tien See Kee, a local said: “I will be spending my time watching TV like I do every weekend.”

And to get themselves even more busy, some have other options to try.

“I am planning on playing video games,” another Singaporean, Sng Dian Nao, said, “like I do everyday.”

However, instead of wasting time, others have found better ways to spend their waking hours.

“I will spend more quality time at home,” another local, Kun Kah Song, said, “in bed sleeping.”

S’porean man won’t confirm or deny allegations he watches porn

S’porean man won’t confirm or deny allegations he watches porn

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His refusal to dignify the question with an answer is like how Singapore will not confirm or deny if she spies.

watching-porn

A Singaporean man, Kuah Poh Noh, said on Friday he would not be drawn into confirming or denying allegations that he watches porn on a regular basis.

Kuah, an IT professional, told reporters outside his home that his family and friends are aware that he has no intention to harm relations with them, while steadfastly refusing to address the question as to whether his porn-watching habit exists.

“You cannot say, this is five percent true or 95 percent true, that I watch American and Asian porn but not when there are Australians in the video,” Kuah said.

The ensuing back-and-forth on any statement on specific allegations about how often one watches porn constitutes a regular habit would be “never ending,” he added.

“The point is that my friends and family know that I won’t do anything to harm their interests,” the bespectacled man who used to date an accountant because she is more outgoing than a librarian said.

Kuah, who considers himself a religious person, said he works closely with friends and family to prepare the occasional dinner and look after his nephew and two nieces, which makes him a good person.

S’pore clubs run out of cups and then unintentional porn

S’pore clubs run out of cups and then unintentional porn

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60 pictures and no one has called AWARE Singapore.

In the previous series of 52 unintentional porn pictures that served as a warning to everyone not to have their photo taken while drinking free alcohol offered by clubs that don’t have cups, it seems free alcohol is still very hard to say ‘No’ to.

Anyways, here are 60 more reasons that should deter you — because unintentional porn.

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S’pore fights homelessness by letting homeless camp out in Orchard Road

S’pore fights homelessness by letting homeless camp out in Orchard Road

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Relevant ministries tie up with food outlets to give homeless food — discretely.

tangs-homeless

As the homeless are getting evicted from East Coast Park and Sembawang Park, they have found new places of temporary residence — this time in the heart of Orchard Road.

And instead of being chased away or arrested by the authorities and put into a mental asylum with cushioned walls, the homeless are given food and a place to stay — discretely.

This after a new approach to tackling the problem of homelessness has been introduced.

The homeless are encouraged to join queues all over Orchard Road, where they will be given food and food vouchers — on the pretext they are part of a queue for free giveaways.

One ministry spokesperson, Gah Men Seh, said: “We encourage the homeless to join overnight queues that take place all over town. They do so under the pretext that there is a giveaway or food outlet promotion.”

“Not only will they have a place to stay overnight, but in fact, this helps the homeless keep their dignity because there are other real people with homes in the queue.”

“The participating establishments get publicity and no one will go hungry ever again.”

Switzerland decriminalises marijuana, S’poreans ask Goh Chok Tong where is our Swiss standard of living

Switzerland decriminalises marijuana, S’poreans ask Goh Chok Tong where is our Swiss standard of living

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Possessing marijuana is like getting fined for jaywalking.

switzerland-marijuana

As of Oct. 1, Switzerland has decriminalised the possession of marijuana.

Anyone over the age of 18 caught with 10g or less of the drug will have to pay a fine of 100 Swiss Francs (S$130) and will not have offenses entered into their permanent record.

This has caused some Singaporeans to remained feeling stoned over the news.

It’s like, you know, they cannot comprehend, man. But they are only left with questions.

Bob Ma Lee, a man with wild Rastafarian braided hair, said: “Eh Goh Chok Tong, where is our Swiss standard of living?”

Father of the Year Award goes to…

Father of the Year Award goes to…

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Read about Singapore’s Father of the Year this National Day.

Have you read about Singapore’s Father of the Year? No? Well, read on…

The Straits Times, Aug. 8, 2013

The Straits Times, Aug. 8, 2013

At a divorce hearing very recently riddled with juicy details, a pair of former husband and wife are calling it quits, whilst splitting assets and children.

They were not named by the media.

The ex-husband is a 53-year-old doctor and former Health Ministry consultant. He has two teenage sons, 16 and 19 from the 21-year marriage that ended in 2011.

According to the ex-wife, who has been awarded $7 million in assets and maintenance money due to the divorce, her ex-husband:

- bought a PlayStation and two giant screens for his teenage sons

- allowed them to play video games until the wee hours of the morning

- took his teenage sons to a San Francisco gun club to experience live ammunition

- smuggled the elder son into a night club

- was involved with a young woman outside of his marriage, and this woman poured liquor down the elder son’s throat at a nightclub

- liked to take raunchy photographs of himself

- filmed himself engaging in sexual activities

The ex-wife has since won custody of the 16-year-old son, after the judge presiding over the case awarded her with at least one kid.

But guess what’s the twist?

The 19-year-old son wants to continue staying with daddy.

We wonder why… Hmmm…

SAF-salute

Father of the Year, whoever you are, we salute you.

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