They feel guilty for knowing most of the bands playing.
Several thousand hipsters and indie types — mainly baristas and freelance designers — went into a depressive spiral and collapsed dramatically on the ground as if their world had been sapped of all colour and turned monochrome like a filtered picture.
This occurred at the end of St. Jerome’s Laneway Festival Singapore held at The Meadow at Gardens By The Bay on Jan. 30, 2016.
This after the indie concert festival attracted tens of thousands of concertgoers who initially thought they would be nonchalant towards, befuddled by and unresponsive to the line-up of music acts no one has heard of, but it turned out that they were cognisant of the performers and their wide repertoire of songs.
Dan Weirdbeard Lim, one of those who attended the concert sporting a man bun, onesie and a pre-pubescent Asian stubble even though he was almost 34 years old and should have been gainfully employed, said: “I was looking forward to not looking forward to the concert and did my best to hide my enthusiasm by constantly having a scowl on my face.”
“Unfortunately, age must have caught up with me as I found myself tapping my foot and breaking into a slight smile the moment I walked into the venue and heard a familiar song playing on the speakers.”
“Worse, I actually mouthed the lyrics.”
His sentiments, however, were not unusual as it was shared by thousands of other hipsters who thought they were each unique like a snowflake in their own way.
They too had thought they would be among the 30 people who would go to such a festival and were in for a terrible time.
Unbeknownst to them, they did not stand a chance when they tried to pull a long face to showcase one’s decision to be moody and oxymoronically unperturbed.
Theodore XXGentrifiedYY Lim, another concertgoer, said his festival experience went from bad to fatal when he almost fainted after seeing a fellow classmate at Laneway: “After catching myself out on several occasions unconsciously tapping my finger against my thigh to the music, I looked up and saw a classmate of mine who went to Jay Chou’s concert last time at the SportsHub.”
“And then I looked next to me and saw a group of people sitting on a mat, sharing food and smiling to one another.”
“What have I become? Part of the mainstream?”
Other attendees said their idea of a terrible festival time was marred the moment the name Charlie Lim rang a bell and they found his vocals familiar.
Things then went utterly pear-shaped when thousands of concertgoers felt glee the moment acts such as CHVRCHES and Purity Ring took to the stage to wild applause.
Susan XOXO Capricious Tan, another concert-goer, said: “I’m so ashamed I clapped and cheered so loudly and couldn’t contain my emotions.”
“I acted like one of those fan girls who just saw One Direction walk out of the airport arrival hall.”
“Worse, during the 15-minute intermission between set changes, I was going “Woooooo!” and shouted “Encore!” at least twice. And the entire crowd joined in.”
“And I made eye contact with this person I did not know who was beside me, like we could relate.”
“This is unbecoming behaviour. We were all so ashamed and red-faced when the lights came on when the whole festival ended.”
For next year’s festival, concertgoers hope the organiser can make the venue bereft of sound and lavatories.