Tag Archive | "Singapore"

S’poreans react to PM Lee teaching Aussie PM Tony Abbott how to wear S’pore’s national headdress

S’poreans react to PM Lee teaching Aussie PM Tony Abbott how to wear S’pore’s national headdress

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Three thoughts that must have went past your mind at some point.

pm-lee-abbott-balloon

Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott began his two-day official visit in Singapore on Sunday, June 28, 2015.

To celebrate Singapore’s Golden Jubilee and 50 years of bilateral relations between the two countries this year, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong taught the Aussie PM how to put on Singapore’s national headdress, as they presided over a special barbecue at Bishan Park.

Here are three thoughts Singaporeans have:

 

sian-half-auntie “It is good to see world leaders taking time out to do something serious.”
Jiao Bin, 42-year-old florist

 

sian-half-uncle “It is hard to admit they look odd or out of place. It is as if they were born to do this.”
Dai Mao Zi, 63-year-old ex-fishmonger

 

happy-bird-girl “I wouldn’t mind wearing anything on my head if I also made a couple of million dollars a year.”
Zuan Da Qian, 19-year-old waitress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Man consciously interrupts dread of starting work with assurances that he’s enjoying remainder of long weekend

Man consciously interrupts dread of starting work with assurances that he’s enjoying remainder of long weekend

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Feelings of being carefree inserted into periods of extended gloom as long weekend winds down.

man-long-weekend-blues

Staving off thoughts of walking into the office and starting the gruelling weekday crunch once again, a Singaporean man said he is interrupting his constant sense of dread this long weekend with conscious sporadic thoughts of carefree pleasure.

“I’d catch myself thinking about starting work in the office and immediately insert thoughts of how I am totally enjoying this moment in this long weekend,” Xiang Bu Kai, a local, said.

“It’s a coping mechanism and I’m sure I’m not the only one out there consciously doing this every 15 minutes or so.”

Sources familiar with the situation who are employed in the same office as the man said he is consciously interrupting his regular work week with thoughts of the carefree things he is going to do during the next long weekend that is coming up.

 

In the office, things happen:

Male colleague convinced office romance brewing after new female colleague stood beside him

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’pore’s censorship board ex-staff confess: ‘We turned gay after repeatedly reviewing R21 content’

S’pore’s censorship board ex-staff confess: ‘We turned gay after repeatedly reviewing R21 content’

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Effects of a mere one-month exposure to banned content has prolonged life-long effects.

jolin-tsai

Saying that they are no longer the same person, ex-employees from Singapore’s censorship board have come out to explain how they are coping with their new gay selves, which they attribute to their past where they had to constantly view unrated material as part of the job as censors who judged if the content they viewed was fit for public consumption.

This unbridled consumption of potentially R21 content was a job requirement that was knowingly accepted within the industry but they did not expect the psycho-physiological changes to be so profound, which eventually led to mass resignations and renewed hiring by the censorship board once every few months as staff turned irreversibly gay through constant exposure.

Zhen Kai Xing, an ex-staff of the local censors, admitted: “The attrition rate is unusually high at the censorship board. A lot of employees arrive shy and reserved, just like any other civil servant on the first day, but within two weeks, you can tell they are thoroughly affected by the repeated viewing of R21 content, many of which are eye-opening.”

“It is common to witness their mentality and outward appearance completely change within just the first week. A lot of them look like they lose control of their baser instincts, as they start to dress more flamboyantly, become more outgoing, prone to chattiness and walk around with a new sense of confidence, like as if their eyes have been opened to new realities.”

“And then soon a lot of them would quit and move on to other fields within three months, but not before losing most of their past inhibitions, having watched one too many consciousness-raising movies and listening to one too many gay songs, such as Jolin Tsai’s We’re All Different, Yet The Same.”

“A lot of these ex-employees at the censors go on to work at the Singapore Tourism Board, fashion industry and private banking, where their new disposition to being worldly and embracing of openness is overlooked.”

“It is obvious they became happier, which explains why they are gay.”

At press time, the censorship board is organising a fresh round of interviews looking for new candidates for the job to make them happy and well-adjusted individuals, by exposing them to the full spectrum of human emotions and creativity through works of music and film, before unleashing them into other parts of society.

 

More vacancies available:

MediaCorp could close down by October 2015 if 3 artistes continue to quit per month

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’pore football fans brace themselves as LionsXII’s Malaysia FA Cup win signals regression to the mean soon

S’pore football fans brace themselves as LionsXII’s Malaysia FA Cup win signals regression to the mean soon

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Celebrations tempered by expectations of Singapore football’s future.

Photo stolen from here

Photo stolen from here

Singapore football fans from all walks of life who always like to think Singapore football is really going to turn the corner this time round, have suddenly been reminded of the statistical phenomenon known as “regression to the mean”, mere hours after the LionsXII’s historic Malaysia FA Cup 2015 win.

This after local fans meticulously charted the fortunes of Singapore football and duly noted via thorough statistical analysis based on data mined from the past 30 years to separate the signal from the noise that any footballing success the Republic enjoyed will be eclipsed by extended periods of non-success.

One Singaporean football fan, Kee Tak Kiu, said: “We all kind of know how things often turn out. We’d think Singapore football has really turned the corner with one major win or after some successful streak and we’re going to be on our way up.”

“But it is always the case that all success is temporary and local football will fall into the doldrums yet again as the success is difficult to sustain.”

“LionsXII winning the Malaysia FA Cup will probably help the euphoria last for three weeks, after which it is the grim reality of keeping the local footballing scene from grinding along again.”

“This is then followed by a lot of soul-searching from a lot of quarters, usually by September or October this year, involving the Football Association of Singapore (FAS) and Sport Singapore, a statutory board of the Ministry of Culture, Community and Youth, questioning why professional football here is not progressing after suffering a few setbacks.”

“And the talk will go back to the beleaguered S.League, where funding issues will once again rear its ugly head and where clubs will merge or collapse and the next season shortened or abandoned.”

At press time, the foreseeable future of Singapore football will encompass the SEA Games 2015 to be held in June, after which, the only certainty football fans in Singapore have is that there will be none.

 

Football in S’pore keeps Singaporeans positive:

Andy’s father made $270 million betting on Germany

S’pore nearly beat Juventus, needed just 6 more goals to win

 

 

 





500 S’porean men, women & children start volunteer army to protect MINDEF from online harassment

500 S’porean men, women & children start volunteer army to protect MINDEF from online harassment

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News of harassment affected locals so much they have taken situation into own hands.

singapore-volunteer-army

Concerned that the Ministry of Defence (MINDEF) is unable to sufficiently protect itself from repeated online harassment, 500 Singaporean men, women and children have started a volunteer army unit to help stave off any further intimidation.

This after it was reported that the donation-dependent website, The Online Citizen, had successfully harassed MINDEF, despite the ministry expending billions of dollars on defence spending each year to acquire technologically-sophisticated weaponry to protect Singapore and itself from greater external threats.

One of the local men, Jin Seow Onn, who is chief commander of the volunteer army, said he, his wife and three children were deeply moved by the plight of MINDEF after reading about it in the news detailing its struggle to put up a resistance against an online website run by a handful of volunteers: “I cannot sit idly by as MINDEF is getting cyber assaulted by shadowy, nebulous figures on the Internet,” he said as he wiped the tears of patriotic anguish from his eyes.

“MINDEF’s inability to protect itself has moved me to act on their behalf. I pledge to keep MINDEF safe from any threats posed by websites emanating from Singapore that provoke the sovereignty of Singapore by targeting our military defence ministry with thousands of clicks generated by other Internet users.”

Other Singaporean men said MINDEF’s struggle at fending for itself is proof that Total Defence is a mindset that needs to be cultivated from young.

One such local man, Bao Hu Guo, said: “That is why I am getting my two children, aged three and four, to join me in this struggle for what is right and what is pure.”

“I need to remind them, and other Singaporeans at large, if we do not do anything to protect MINDEF, then nobody else would.”

“We cannot let the weak face any more adversity alone.”

 

Oh no! MINDEF is in trouble:

Donation-dependent website successfully harasses multi-billion-dollar MINDEF military organisation

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Armpit hair removal cream to help SEA Games swimmers shave off miliseconds from timing to win gold

Armpit hair removal cream to help SEA Games swimmers shave off miliseconds from timing to win gold

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Hair causes drag that slows swimmers down.

nivea-hair-removal-armpit

Singapore’s national swimmers competing in the upcoming SEA Games 2015 in June will not only be applying pressure on their fellow Asean competitors by training hard and gunning for record-breaking performances — they are also applying hair removal cream to their armpits.

This unorthodox move is to remove all traces of follicles sticking out from their underarm areas, to ensure that they do not cause unnecessary drag to slow down Singapore’s national swimmers.

One Singaporean swimming coach, Ang Jin Siong, said: “Armpit hair will produce drag in the water, slowing down the swimmers.”

“Furthermore, as we all know, shaving off armpit hair is tedious, so the better way to achieve hairless results is by using armpit hair removal cream, as the only thing the swimmers are focusing on shaving off is time from the race clock.”

At press time, the national swimmers are reading the product’s fine print directions for usage to see if they can apply the cream to their eyebrows.

 

Other steps athletes need to take to win gold medals:

Team S’pore athletes reminded they must never drink, have sex ever again

 









Donation-dependent website successfully harasses multi-billion-dollar MINDEF military organisation

Donation-dependent website successfully harasses multi-billion-dollar MINDEF military organisation

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Despite MINDEF’s tough exterior, they are still a sensitive new age military organisation deep down inside.

dr-ting-choon-meng

A local donation-dependent website, The Online Ciitzen, has been found by the Singapore court to have successfully harassed the Ministry of Defence, the multi-billion-dollar military organisation that serves as the first and last line of defence for the country.

This after the court granted the application by MINDEF under the Protection from Harassment Act (POHA) against Dr Ting Choon Meng and The Online Citizen.

MINDEF, an institution that is part of the country’s military-industrial complex, which took more than 40 years to build up, took exception to some statements made about it that are deemed false and have reportedly caused them to feel sad.

Defence analyst, Qu Da Zhang, said, this successful harassment of one of Singapore’s most tenacious institutions by a website run by volunteers who depend on public donations, reveal a number of interesting observations about MINDEF.

Qu said: “It is great to see that MINDEF, a multi-billion institution tasked with the all-important purpose of protecting Singapore’s sovereignty as a nation from the threats from abroad, feels harassed by a few statements from a donation-dependent website.”

“This signals to the world that Singapore’s defence force has an Achilles heel that can be exploited as it has feelings that can be exploited.”

“Future threats to our country could include the setting up of donation-funded websites based abroad that repeatedly make statements to hurt MINDEF’s feelings and cause them to feel harassed, while depriving them of any possible avenues for legal recourse as the United Nations will never entertain such complaints.”

“If exploited for maximum effect, this could cause MINDEF to feel wounded as their feelings are repeatedly hurt and eroded with allegations, which might cause the organisation to suffer depression and unable to function.”

“Then again, it could show that even though MINDEF has a tough exterior powered by balls and steel, deep down inside it is still a fuzzy ball of emotions and feelings.”

“MINDEF’s tough exterior and soft core really makes it out to be a Sensitive New Age Military Organisation (SNAMO).”

 

Thousands of Singaporean men also feel harassed:

S’porean applies for Protection from Harassment Act against SAF after receiving multiple unsolicited IPPT SMS reminders, SAF100

Thousands of S’porean men say they feel very harassed by MINDEF, especially during NS

 





Woman’s tight dress, peek-a-boo neckline completes geeky-but-outgoing bespectacled look

Woman’s tight dress, peek-a-boo neckline completes geeky-but-outgoing bespectacled look

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Wearing a pair of glasses need not be boring as long as you have the body and a dress that is playfully revealing.

asami-owndays

A woman photographed in the vicinity of City Hall proved that wearing glasses need not make one look like a geek who has no life and a limited social circle.

asami-owndays-head

Transforming her bookish librarian look — represented by the top half of her face showing nothing but her eyes and spectacles — into something resembling a geeky-but-outgoing type who enjoys intense intimate moments while throwing her head back in a guffaw and letting herself go a little, the woman’s keen impeccable dress sense of pairing a body-hugging black dress that has a plunging neckline with stilettos proves no one no longer has any excuse coming off looking like a dork.

Therefore, who says wearing glasses makes you ugly?

She just shows a pair of glasses can make one look fashionable, as long as you have a chiselled hot bod, symmetrical face, dimpled cheeks, long legs, clear skin, an outgoing vivacious personality, willingness to experiment, proportionate body, photogenic good looks, and a healthy, confident sense of overall sexiness.

Throw those contact lenses away today!

 

Dressed in her weekend best, here’s Asami in a pair of glasses from our ‘John Dillinger’ series. “I wore this pair of…

Posted by Owndays Singapore on Thursday, January 1, 2015

 



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From May 1 to May 31 (Click and buy via banner ad above)

10% off, no minimum spend
Use Code: TREATSYOU10

15% off, minimum spend $80
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– Brand exclusions apply

 

Internet in S’pore has made it easier for people to cause offense, take offence & buy things online

Internet in S’pore has made it easier for people to cause offense, take offence & buy things online

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Singaporeans urged to be mindful of hateful content, while letting themselves go once in a while when buying things.

pm-lee-internet

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who rely on the Internet as if it is as important as air, have been cautioned by Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong about the need to regulate their online behaviour as it may have real world consequences.

PM Lee said Singaporeans need to be mindful of the things they put out on the Internet as it is a public space because access to comments, in particular the hateful kind, can hardly be restricted once it is out and can cause a lynch mob mentality in others.

One Singaporean, Hen Shen Qi, who uses the Internet as a medium to receive comments and occasionally spew bile and venom on others, said he empathises with the prime minister’s analysis of online behaviour: “Yes, the Internet in Singapore has made it easier for people to cause offense and take offence.”

“However, Singaporeans by and large use the Internet to buy stuff and spend a lot of money on merchandise.”

“Using the Internet to cause offense and to take offence is just a by-product of waiting for the browser to load with new items or in between transactions to clear.”

“For example, Zalora is offering up to 15 percent discount off merchandise in the month of May 2015.”

“So, as you can see, the Internet has also made it easier for people to mash up content to shamelessly promote commerce online.”

 

Zalora May 2015 SPECIAL DISCOUNT (Valid on top of sale items)
From May 1 to May 31 (Click and buy via banner ad below)

10% off, no minimum spend
Use Code: TREATSYOU10

15% off, minimum spend $80
Use Code: TREATSYOU15

– Brand exclusions apply



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Those who bought fake degrees have wasted their money as S’pore reiterates commitment to having fewer graduates

Those who bought fake degrees have wasted their money as S’pore reiterates commitment to having fewer graduates

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The shift away from university education has resulted in real degrees being valued as much as fake degrees.

real-fake-degrees-singapore

Having a real degree in Singapore these days doesn’t mean you will get a head start in your career.

And neither does having a fake degree nor owning one of those degrees from an online degree mill give you a better chance at acing the interview and securing employment.

This after the government said Singapore will screen candidates for job openings by putting more emphasis on relevant skills of potential hires and determining the amount of experience they have, as Singapore is committed to having fewer degree holders in the future.

Singaporeans from all walks of life who heard this news said it is good news.

One Singaporean, Shang Da Xue, said: “Too bad for those who went to all that trouble to go to university and study three or four years. Worse, those who study part-time or take a year or two off to study full-time for a degree while working.”

“Looks like they’ve wasted their efforts as everyone is viewed to be degree-less and equal now.”

“However, worse still for those who bothered to buy a degree or MBA from one of those degree mills. They have really wasted few thousand dollars for nothing.”

Even foreigners said this news is reassuring.

Pian Ren De, a foreigner who has just finished his graduate studies via a degree mill, said: “It is reassuring to hear that there are government agencies looking into a person’s credentials and past work not just placing emphasis on the fact that the potential hire has a fake degree or one from a degree mill.”

“It’s really great the Singapore government is serious with its message of focusing on reducing the number of graduates and this has caused real degrees and fake degrees to be all alike.”

“Looks like it is time to beef up on the work-related experience,” he said with a wink.

 

Fake degrees used to be more useful in Singapore:

Fake degree mills earn street cred after its graduates successfully find employment in S’pore