Tag Archive | "Singapore Zoo"

Highly religious S’poreans say male panda gay, unable to finish inside female panda

Highly religious S’poreans say male panda gay, unable to finish inside female panda

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They demand the Singapore Zoo launch investigations to check if male panda is a deviant.

kai-kai-jia-jia-gay

Highly religious Singaporeans from that particular walk of life, who like to dabble in other people’s business, are aghast that the male panda Kai Kai might have failed to fully consummate the union by not finishing inside of the female panda, Jia Jia, during a mating session in the Singapore Zoo.

This resulted in speculation that he could be gay and the zoo doctors will resort to carrying out an operation to artificially finish inside the female panda instead.

One highly religious Singaporean, Zuo Ai, said: “I am disturbed by the fact that we allow such things to happen in Singapore. A failure to finish inside a female is a sure sign of homosexuality because a reluctance to procreate is an immediate failure of heterosexuality.”

“I demand that the Singapore Zoo investigate if there are any more homosexual animals in their midst and flush them out.”

Another highly religious Singaporean, Tong Xing Lian, said the pandas’ endangered species status is brought about by their own doing: “Homosexuality must have been rampant in the panda species. That’s why their reproductive rate is so low and their eventual decline is their own fault.”

“If they stopped being so gay they would reproduce more.”

At press time, highly religious Singaporeans who have started their own investigations said that all species of animals are failing to show the proper traditional family unit of one father, one mother and two children, therefore, the Singapore Zoo is complicit in promoting immoral behaviour and activities, besides homosexuality, and is a bad example for families here.

 

 

 

 

 

 





S’pore Zoo given M18 rating as all animals fail to conform to nuclear family unit

S’pore Zoo given M18 rating as all animals fail to conform to nuclear family unit

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Alternative family arrangements are not allowed in Singapore, regardless of biological status.

singapore-zoo-entrance

The Singapore Zoo has been slapped with an M18 rating by the local censorship board.

This after it was discovered that all the animals held in captivity do not conform to the traditional family unit of one father, one mother and two children.

One censorship expert, Guan Yan Jin, said: “This is an affront to our sensibilities as a morally upright nation and threatens to tear the fabric of our being asunder.”

“After a multi-year observational study, we discovered some animals display tendencies towards same-sex pairings, such as penguins, while other animal groups developed hierarchies where one single alpha male dominates the mating scene with a harem of eager and willing females at its disposal.”

“This sort of swinger culture has to be frowned upon and advised against as we shall not stand for this and neither allow ourselves to be held hostage to the values of fringe groups in our Singaporean society.”

With immediate effect, visitors to the zoo will have to provide proof of their age to purchase tickets before being granted entry into its premises.

While inside, photography and videography are strictly forbidden to prevent the rest of the world from bearing witness to Singapore’s decadent subculture.

Advisories will be announced internationally warning any visitor that what they are about to witness in the confines of the zoo do not reflect the real conservative values in Singapore society at large.

Part of the advisory issued will read: “Alternative family arrangements are not allowed in Singapore, regardless of biological status.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





4 koalas donated to S’pore for SG50 as goodwill gifts turn out to be drop bears

4 koalas donated to S’pore for SG50 as goodwill gifts turn out to be drop bears

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Drop bears are genetically different, more vicious variety of koalas that attack non-Australians.

drop-bear

Four koalas donated to Singapore as goodwill gifts have turned out to be drop bears.

Housed in the Singapore Zoo and prior to revealing their true identities, Paddle (aged eight), Pellita (aged six), Chan (aged five) and Idalia (aged two) were perceived to be docile, eucalyptus leaves-chewing marsupials, that help to mark 50 years of diplomatic ties between Australia and Singapore, and to celebrate SG50 year.

Before showing true colours:
koalas-singapore-zoo

After showing true colours:
drop-bear-02

Drop bears are a genetically-deviant version of the koala, which makes them vicious, carnivorous marsupials related to koalas only in superficial looks. Instead of having herbivorous biological traits, drop bears have fangs for teeth and sharp claws for tearing flesh.

They are known to drop from trees on tourists in Australia, which is unlike the irresistible charms of its real koala cousin with its large insipid-looking nose that is often used to break the ice and melt hearts and seal diplomatic treaties of peace.

The Singapore Zoo has pledged to continue to house the drop bears out of goodwill and to contain the attacks on non-Australian visitors. Immunisation shots to tourists have been made available to lessen the risk of unwanted drop bear encounters when in the zoo.

This is similar to the immunisation programme offered by Australia to tourists who go on bush trails and run the risk of encountering drop bears in the wild.

Attempts to track the drop bear population in native Australian territory have proved futile, as their aggressive nature deters the use of satellite trackers tagged to them.

Researchers have been relying on tracking the drop bears’ prey, usually made up of dead people and dingoes, in order to map their population in a particular area.

 

Animals in S’pore struggle to keep up:

High cost of living in S’pore kills giant 400kg crocodile

High resale flat price deters monitor lizard from taking up S’porean citizenship

 

 

 

 

 





Conservative religious S’poreans say failure to finish inside female panda proves male panda Kai Kai is gay

Conservative religious S’poreans say failure to finish inside female panda proves male panda Kai Kai is gay

Tags: , , , ,


They demand the Singapore Zoo launch investigations to check if male panda is a deviant.

kai-kai-jia-jia-gay

Conservative religious Singaporeans who followed the news closely about two panda bears having sex in the Singapore Zoo were aghast to learn that the male panda Kai Kai had failed to fully consummate the union by not finishing inside of the female panda, Jia Jia.

This resulted in speculation that he could be gay and the zoo doctors had to carry out an operation to artificially finish inside the female panda instead.

One conservative religious Singaporean, Xing Ye Shu, said: “I am disturbed by the fact that we allow such things to happen in Singapore. A failure to finish inside a female is a sure sign of homosexuality because a reluctance to procreate is an immediate failure of heterosexuality.”

“I demand that the Singapore Zoo investigate if there are any more homosexual animals in their midst and flush them out.”

Another conservative religious Singaporean, Tong Xing Lian, said the pandas’ endangered species status is brought about by their own doing: “Homosexuality must have been rampant in the panda species. That’s why their reproductive rate is so low and their eventual decline is their own fault.”

“If they stopped being so gay they would reproduce more.”

At press time, conservative religious Singaporeans who have started their own investigations said that all species of animals are failing to show the proper traditional family unit of one father, one mother and two children, therefore, the Singapore Zoo is complicit in promoting immoral behaviour and activities, besides homosexuality, and is a bad example for families here.

 

Gay animals:

Conservative S’poreans demand S’pore Zoo investigate if they possess gay animals

 

 

 

 

 











Conservative S’poreans demand S’pore Zoo investigate if they possess gay animals

Conservative S’poreans demand S’pore Zoo investigate if they possess gay animals

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Gay animals must be culled, they demand.

singapore-zoo

Conservative Singaporeans snapped up tickets to the Singapore Zoo this weekend in a bid to monitor if any of the animals in captivity might be openly or secretly gay.

This after conservative Singaporeans were pre-occupied the past week sussing out books held in the National Library and Kinokuniya to find out which ones contained gay elements.

Responding to media queries about why straight Singaporeans who are conservative were so preoccupied with gay activities, Yeshu Aini, a self-proclaimed straight religious Singaporean man said: “The otters were behaving a bit gay, they were huddling and a lot of the male otters were slithering around on top and below one another.”

“What they are doing is very tempting. So it will influence straight men like me.”

Other conservative Singaporeans who were investigating the zoo said the monkey enclosure had to be shut down as it showed a few alpha males enjoying a harem of female monkeys.

Qu Jiao Tang, a local, said: “This is not right. This does not show the traditional family unit of one father, one mother and two children.”

“In fact, nowhere in the animal kingdom does it show a traditional nuclear family of one father, one mother and two children.”

“We need to burn the zoo down.”

 

Some of the problems nuclear families face:
Andy’s friends regret their own fathers lack foresight, risk-taking mentality

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