Tag Archive | "singapore population"

S’pore to reduce total population to 5 million by 2014

S’pore to reduce total population to 5 million by 2014

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Overcrowding and unsustainable growth are key factors for change of heart.

singapore-population

Singapore has just announced that it will reduce the total population from its current 5.3 million figure to under 5 million in another year’s time.

This is a complete reversal of the Population White Paper put out close to two months ago., where the population was set to increase to 6.9 million in 2030.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

april-fools-bitch-please

10 things to look out for in 2030

10 things to look out for in 2030

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If you’re dreading tomorrow’s morning crush in the train, think again. It could be, and will be worse.

Because 20 years later, the population will be expanding by roughly 25% to 6.9 million, from its current size. See White Paper.

This is a genuinely amazing feat of policy considering that total fertility rate in Singapore stands at 1.2, one of the lowest in the world.

According to the government, foreign immigrants are essential to fill the shortfall of Singaporeans, because the local population is not reproducing quickly enough. With the low TFR, Singapore is having an ageing population which will shrink by 2025.

Which makes the policy of rapid population expansion all the more bizarre because apparently, more foreigners will be needed to support fewer Singaporeans in future.

Can Singapore support 6.9 million people on a tiny island that can only grow with imported Indonesian sand? The answer from the government is apparently, yes. Never mind the burning debate on whether we really need all these people here.

The point is this: 6.9 million is the number. And the implementation of the project to cope with this magical number is on some faceless bureaucrat’s KPI. Therefore, it must be done.

Let us help you with that. Presenting… New Nation‘s vision of the future: “10 ways to cope with the population crush in 2030″.

#1 In 2030, the URA bans the building of more flats on the already crowded island as it has been scientifically proven that the latest wave of psychosis among Singaporeans was caused by claustrophobia. Existing flats cannot be built higher due to the 10 MRT lines underground, which is preventing the digging of deeper foundations for the flats.

HDB begins burrowing into the fourth dimension to explore new territory and issues a groundbreaking white paper titled “Living in the twilight zone: public housing the Singaporean way.” 

Teleportation: the quickest way to get home in 2030

Teleportation: the quickest way to get home in 2030

#2 In 2030, MINDEF begins drawing up plans to invade Johor in case the experiment in the fourth dimension doesn’t work. 

Wah siao eh, my brother signed for his BTO flat here liao lor..

#01-01, Block 885, Forest Road Avenue, Johor Bahru. S(334782)

#3 In 2030, the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) gives out “integration bonuses” to families who help migrants integrate in Singapore. Curry is dying tradition due to the numerous complaints filed by PRC citizens living in flats. 

Eat more now. Next time don't have liao.

Eat more now. Next time don’t have liao.

#4 In 2030, special driving lanes are demarcated to “Special Citizens”, new citizens or permanent residents who have made an exceptional contribution to Singapore’s economy. To be a “Special Citizen”, foreigners need only invest S$20 million in a local company, tax-free. 

Avoid the traffic jam plaguing the common man by being a Special Citizen.

Avoid the traffic jam plaguing the common man by being a Special Citizen.

#5 In 2030, bus fares will double in the ERP area to encourage people to walk in town. There are still no cycling lanes as the special driving lanes have taken up too much space on the road.

Bus fares in 2030 will include the $2 ERP fee.

Bus fares in 2030 will include the $2 ERP fee.

#6 In 2030, Lee Kuan Yew is still alive but communicates only through video. Every complaint about the population crush is met with a 10 minute speech about how the country will crumble if not for the vibrant, dynamic population that is the beating heart of the economy.

Two bloggers are thrown into jail for suggesting that these were all pre-recorded videos and that Lee’s corpse was preserved in formaldehyde in Oxley Road.

Robolee LIVES!!!!!

Robolee LIVES!!!!!

#7 In 2030, Jack Neo releases 10th instalment of Ah Boys to Men, titled “Ah Nehs to Men”, which chronicles the journey of five teenage Bangladeshis recruited to serve in the Singpaore army as mercenaries 

Your chiong sua buddy in 2030.

Your chiong sua buddy in 2030.

#8 In 2030, fat people are fined for taking up too much room. Weight Watchers is awarded a $5 million deal to design a national plan to reduce the national median weight to 60kg.

Bak Chye.

Bak Chye.

#9 In 2030, the Ministry of Education enforces a “Speak Proper English” day after a study found that 2 out of 10 primary school children do not understand each other due to their different accents.

There's a palpable fear among primary school children in 2030 as they figure out ways to insult each other despite their different accents.

There’s a palpable fear among primary school children in 2030 as they figure out ways to insult each other despite their different accents.

#10 In 2030, the PAP wins the general elections despite getting only 44% of the overall vote, after installing the MRC system (Mega Representative Constituency), which allocates 10 MPs to one MRC.

Singaporeans are outnumbered by new immigrants in each MRC, craftily drawn to ensure there will be no Singaporean enclaves. Only Hougang SMC remains stubbornly blue, and ruled the incumbent since 2011, Png Eng Huat.

Sentosa MRC stands as a uniquely Singaporean phenomenon with one MP per 30 residents.

Sentosa MRC stands as a uniquely Singaporean phenomenon with one MP per 30 residents.

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