New Nation

From bomb site to First World Plaza.

Singaporeans staying in Puggol East SMC are profusely thanking Workers’ Party MP Lee Li Lian for personally rebuilding Rivervale Plaza.

This after having endured two long years of construction and upgrading to Sengkang’s oldest mall, which earlier this year during the Punggol East SMC by-election in January, resembled a bomb site and became an election hot button issue.

About 10 months after her by-election win, construction works started rounding up, signalling completion was in sight.

Xie Xie Ni, a Sengkang resident said: “If it wasn’t for Lee Li Lian, this place wouldn’t have been completed.”

Several blocks of HDB flats beside the Rivervale Plaza have been credited for helping WP win the Punggol East by-election held on Jan. 26 this year.

The blocks of flats are painted in Workers’ Party blue and are believed to have subliminally influenced residents to vote for WP.

Workers’ Party blue flats (left) and the bomb site Rivervale Plaza (right.)

Bote for me, Desmond Lim, Dedicated Local, Determined Leader!

Residents and voters of Punggol East. I am Desmond Live, Dedicated Local, Determined Leader!

I may not have won the last General Elections. But, I am still here, talking to you, reaching out to you because I believe in the calls.

You want democracy, then why restrict the voice in parliament to two? Where is the system of checks and balances with two dominence parties in actions?

The notions of science does not matter. It tis a experience, strang, dedications, and devotions that will get things dones.

You have seen this rise and fall of those dominance ones being backed by big barty names did not stop the wrong from happening.

The mistakes by individuals were still make. That is why we are where we are now. At this moments, and I have patforms to again bridge out to you. What das this means? This means big names cannot guarantee loyalty and performance.

Its means at the end of the day, when the fanfare is over, what counts is i…individual. The individual and his values is what… YOU should be voting for. For history has shown us big backings has not prevented major fraws from surfacing.

It is the person. His commitments, his value, his strang, and his persistent that were keep your dreams alive.

Vote for me, Desmond Lim! Vote for the SDA!

Let us represent the alternative boys of Singaporeans. Let me bring your voice to parliament.

Empower me! To make sure those highly paid representative are earning their keeps. Let democracy read.

Vote for Desmond Lim! Dedicated Local! Determined Leader!

All outstanding issues have been resolved overnight.

You got a problem? Don’t worry. Consider it solved.

What is this miracle that is the by-election?

It is, apparently, the mother of all problem solvers.

Since the Punggol East SMC by-election was announced a week ago, all political parties involved in race to parliament has stepped up their game to woo voters.

The PAP, in particular, are pulling out all the stops.

They have been addressing all problems raised by residents and all issues have been resolved overnight.

The summon auntie no longer appears.

There are no traces of junk mail.

All the walls and corridors have been scrubbed squeaky clean.

And even the bomb site that is Rivervale Plaza has seen work sped up. Residents can expect a spanking new plaza in time for the Lunar New Year.

And it has been good news galore.

There is even no longer any water drainage problems.

One resident, Jiang Zhen De, said: “Now by-election you can see a doctor walking in the rain, cleaning leaves and unclogging drain. After by-election, maybe he can help me to clean my corridor, walk my dog and discipline my maid.”

In a RazorTV segment, Dr Koh Poh Koon, a colorectal surgeon and candidate for the PAP, shows the world just how he is good with getting down and dirty unclogging drains. Or your anus.

Others are even more optimistic the good times will continue rolling.

Another resident, Mei Wen Ti, said: “My neighbour, was in arrears, and HDB cancelled his outstanding debt. My son, fail all subjects in Primary 3, and still can go CC collect bursary award.”

Professional observers say by-elections help put residents first.

Self-styled political pundit Eric de Yaya said: “Holding elections is the most effective way for residents’ issues to be addressed. All GRCs and SMCs should have by-election every year.”

“Otherwise, all problems will be put on the back-burner. As Singapore only focuses on economic growth. At all costs.”

Another case of sample population FAIL

Page 9 of today’s ST purported to give an insightful look at the Punggol East SMC battleground.

The headline screamed: “Younger, more middle-class demographic”, which is politi-speak, means “more likely to vote against the PAP”.

Yet at the right column was an innocuous section titled: “ST poll: More rooting for PAP”.

Combined with the main headline, this was supposed to give the impression that despite a younger voting population, the PAP is going to win anyway. Because the PAP is awesome. And can get to the bottom of any matter. Big, or small.

Except that when you look closer, the average age of the people quoted in the spread was 57. And though the nation-building paper claimed to have polled 50 Punggol East residents in total, the youngest person quoted in the poll was a spritely 49.

Which gives the impression that the four hardworking journalists pounding the SMC grounds in search of proper on-ground opinions….

were simply not doing their job.

Because according to their own profile of the SMC, only 24% of the population are aged 50 and above.

And a biased sample size does not make for accurate voter polls.

Plan is to help by-election candidate induce crying on cue to win votes.

A colorectal surgeon is expected to be PAP’s candidate to contest in Punggol East SMC by-election. But the question is: Can he cry on cue? (Photo stolen from Yahoo!)

Over the past few days, the PAP has been importing large amounts of plywood from Malaysia – an indication that the by-election at Punggol East SMC is around the corner.

Plywood is used as a backing for election posters to make them stiff. Without which, election posters will be hanging on lamp posts all flaccid, unlike Michael Palmer’s dong.

However, plywood is not the only material the PAP is allegedly buying in bulk.

Sources close to the party say they have also started hoarding large amounts of onions.

Up to four tonnes of it to be exact.

It is understood that half of the onions will be used by the Punggol East SMC by-election candidate to practise crying on cue.

This is to replicate what Desmond Choo achieved during his Hougang by-election rally in May 2012, although it is not known if he sniffed onions. Or drove his palm into thumbtacks. Or bit his tongue.

The leftover onions will be pulverised and unleashed as a mist into the atmosphere during PAP rallies to induce salty water to come out from all the other speakers’ eyes.

No time for LOL. Desmond Choo garnered 3 percent more votes when he shed tears during the Hougang by-election rally in May 2012.

As well as from the eyes of rally attendees, which the mainstream media will no doubt say number in the thousands.

When in fact only about 75 people will show up.

Based on evidence accrued in the by-election held at Hougang SMC last year, it was discovered that crying helped PAP’s candidate, Desmond Choo, garner three percent more votes.

His showing, nonetheless, was estimated to be the same even if the PAP fielded a cactus. Quite a sad case, indeed.

But it should be noted, that unlike the last by-election held in Hougang, there was no AIM fiasco hanging in the air like now.

Or striking foreign workers snafu every other month.

Plus the fact that PAP’s Michael Palmer vacated his MP seat after porking a woman who is not his wife, unlike Yaw Shin Leong, who only allegedly did likewise.

Therefore, some tears will be necessary.