Tag Archive | "psle"

PSLE score a good gauge of parents’ ability to afford tuition

PSLE score a good gauge of parents’ ability to afford tuition

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The higher the score, the better the parents’ ability to afford.

tuition-singapore

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who are placed in categories from young, are nodding their heads in acknowledgement.

This after it has been discovered that the PSLE score is a good gauge of parents’ ability to afford tuition for their children.

One Singaporean, Qu Pu Xi, said: “The higher the PSLE score, the better the parents’ ability to afford tuition.”

“This is a result I was totally not expecting.”

Other locals said this correlation is a good thing.

Another local, Kee Por Sip, said: “Instead of having PSLE scores reflect how well a student is performing, it gives a good indication of how well the students’ parents are performing.”

“It is this kind of information that really sets Singapore apart from the rest of the world.”

“No wonder the Ministry of Education has stopped emphasising high PSLE scores in an effort to not highlight rich parents.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Essence of chicken industry collapses when S’pore stopped revealing PSLE top scores

Essence of chicken industry collapses when S’pore stopped revealing PSLE top scores

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Lack of essence of chicken ambassadors caused efficacy of product to diminish.

new-moon-essence-of-chicken

The essence of chicken industry in Singapore has officially collapsed.

This after Singapore stopped publishing the PSLE high scores since 2013 in a bid to emphasise that all schools are good schools so that you will believe egalitarian outcomes can be dictated without looking like a Communist country.

Sources said without PSLE high scores being made known, essence of chicken drinks cannot be properly marketed, resulting in the efficacy of the product to decline drastically.

One essence of chicken drink spokesperson, Lim Gui Zeng, explained: “In Singaporeans’ minds, things are very clear cut one.”

“If the government says PSLE high scores cannot be revealed, in people’s minds it means there are no PSLE high scorers.”

“And if there are no PSLE high scorers, it means essence of chicken drinks don’t work because they cannot produce top scorers.”

“All link one.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





PSLE students apologise to Khaw Boon Wan for making Downtown Line spoil, doing badly for exams

PSLE students apologise to Khaw Boon Wan for making Downtown Line spoil, doing badly for exams

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They accept full responsibility if their results are not good, fail to get good jobs in future.

khaw-boon-wan-psle-downtown-line

Thousands of PSLE students from all walks of life, who rely on the public transport system to get them to their life-determining final examination venue on time because cars are for parents who are rich enough to drive, have come out to apologise to Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan.

This after a dislodged platform door caused a two-hour disruption on the Downtown Line during the morning peak period on Oct. 4, when the Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) Science paper was scheduled to take place at 8.15am, as well as several examinations for GCE N-Level students.

One PSLE student, Buay Tak Chek, said he is sorry for not being able to do well for the exam having arrived at the exam venue flustered and barely making it on time: “I am sorry I am unable to make the Downtown Line work smoothly because I was inconsiderate enough to take the train with everyone else at the same time.”

“I am going to be a letdown to Singapore and her economy because my PSLE results will be affected, I cannot enter secondary school, can’t get into a local university and end up not being able to afford to study overseas.”

“With no degree, I doubt even SkillsFuture can save me next time.”

Other students said they must be blamed for their actions if there ever was a dearth of civil servants in 10 years’ time as a result of many of this current batch not doing well for their PSLE, and subsequently, won’t have a local degree and will not be considered for a government sector position.

Another student, Mei Qian Tu, said: “Students must be blamed for taking the MRT train at the same time in the morning. If we organised ourselves better by not taking the train at the same time, the MRT will not break down and our future will not be affected.”

“Our lack of good grades is our own doing and we will accept all consequences.”

“We would like to register our deep regret and sincere apologies to Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan.”

“Even as MRT lines keep breaking down, he must not feel that his 70 percent strong mandate is under any threat of wavering, because that is an issue below his pay scale.”

“We hope he will stay on as transport minister forever and not feel like he is to be blamed for anything.”

“Moreover, this is not a cross he should be willing to bear because the public is the one that takes the MRT regularly and makes it spoil, while he is never the cause of any problems because he seldom or never takes it at all.”

 

 

 

 

 

 





Essence of chicken industry collapses after S’pore stopped revealing PSLE top scores

Essence of chicken industry collapses after S’pore stopped revealing PSLE top scores

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Lack of essence of chicken ambassadors caused efficacy of product to diminish.

new-moon-essence-of-chicken

The essence of chicken industry in Singapore has officially collapsed this year.

This after Singapore stopped publishing the PSLE high scores since 2013 in a bid to emphasise that all schools are good schools so that you will believe egalitarian outcomes can be dictated without looking like a Communist country.

Sources told New Nation that without PSLE high scores being made known, essence of chicken drinks cannot be properly marketed, resulting in the efficacy of the product to decline drastically.

One essence of chicken drink spokesperson, Lim Gui Zeng, explained: “In Singaporeans’ minds, things are very clear cut one.”

“If the government says PSLE high scores cannot be revealed, in people’s minds it means there are no PSLE high scorers.”

“And if there are no PSLE high scorers, it means essence of chicken drinks don’t work because they cannot produce top scorers.”

“All link one.”

 

 

 

 

 











Authorities to withhold PSLE scores of book-burning students

Authorities to withhold PSLE scores of book-burning students

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Book-burning fiends will not get secondary school posting until 2020.

book-burning

The relevant authorities have launched a full-scale investigation after a photo showcasing a group of Singaporean students and their parents engaging in post-PSLE book-burning festivities went public.

Book-burning in Singapore is not a crime — yet. But the authorities launched an investigation because the year-end performance bonus for civil servants is coming up.

Within one night, at least half a dozen students and their respective parents — or parent, because one of the children don’t know who his father is — were identified from the photo.

The authorities revealed that the students who engaged in the book-burning celebration will have their PSLE grades withheld.

And they will not get their secondary school posting until 2020.

When interviewed, Qin Shi Huang, one of the students who burned at least 45 books in one night, said: “I solemnly state my regret for burning the books.”

“But it was fun.”

 

 

 

 

Warren Fernandez never took his PSLE

Warren Fernandez never took his PSLE

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ST Editor replaces Sumiko Tan for Sunday’s most banal commentary.


When Warren was young, his father told him to study hard. Otherwise he might end up as a bus driver. And he would be jailed in the recent bus strikes. Even though he’s not from China.

But he grew out of it, and decided to become a pilot.

Yet he couldn’t remember how he did for the PSLE.

He says: “I simply cannot remember how I did in the PSLE…. Try as I may to rack my brain, it just does not come.” (“It just does not come“???)

Because he probably didn’t take it.

But he got into SJI anyway, despite being a football-playing non-nerd.

He blames the national anxiety over the PSLE today on the through train programme. Because if you don’t get on the train, you will lose out in Secondary School, and don’t get into a good Junior College.

And become a bus driver, instead of an ST editor.

He thinks that the PSLE serves as a “leveller”. If there is no PSLE, parents would be unable to benchmark schools, and less branded schools would be unable to shine against branded schools.

Because neighbourhood schools are obviously able to show, from their students’ PSLE scores, that they are as good as the Bukit Timah schools.

MOE cannot keep the PSLE scores a secret, because that would lead to a lot of speculation online. And lots of speculation online means people take the PSLE seriously.

Warren’s solution to PSLE fetishism: MOE should embark on a national conversation with parents, and convincing them that PSLE is not that important.

Because if you don’t take your PSLE, you can still get a 2/3 page column in the national broadsheet, tell the MOE what to do, and tell yourself that it is cutting edge commentary.

In other related news, Sumiko Tan tries her hand at hard news.

Primary 5 students studying for PSLE now

Primary 5 students studying for PSLE now

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Secondary 3 students studying for ‘O’ Levels now.

After PSLE results were released few days ago, Tampines Regional Library saw a surge in number of youths going there to study for next year’s finals starting this weekend.

With the release of PSLE results on Thursday, Singapore has been on an exam high the past few days.

Even with the avoidance of mentioning who scored the highest where, Singaporean parents and students alike are at fever pitch — they are hell bent on breaking all academic achievement records for next year’s finals.

At Tampines Regional Library on a Saturday morning, scores of excited 11-year-olds and 15-year-olds were seen queuing up to enter the premises.

They were there before the library’s 11 a.m. opening to choped good seats for the rest of the day.

“I am here to study for my PSLE exam next year,” said Tao Nao Pai, an 11-year-old boy, who could possibly be a girl, because he hasn’t reached puberty and his voice hasn’t broken yet.

Another 15-year-old boy, Zhen Yong Gong, said: “I will spend the next 50 weekends here to prepare for my ‘O’ Levels.”

He said he plans to emulate Workers’ Party’s Chen Show Mao, a high-flying scholar-corporate type, who will become future prime minister of Singapore.

Parents of students who were also seen camping out at the libraries island-wide have expressed support for their children’s ambitions.

One of the parents told New Nation: “I studied hard, found a high-paying job and now I can afford to raise two families. One here, one in Batam.”

Later, he drove off in his Mercedes Benz with another mistress in tow.

She could be from China.

PSLE top scorers feeling depressed, S’poreans hypocritical

PSLE top scorers feeling depressed, S’poreans hypocritical

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Lack of publicity and recognition for academic achievement making some self-destructive.

Identity of PSLE top scorers are kept under wraps this year, even though Singaporeans like to compete with each other over more trivial matters.

Wu Tuck Cheh (not his real name) is a bright 12-year-old boy from a top primary school.

In fact, “bright” doesn’t even describe him properly.

He is a genius. A savant. Possibly, Singapore’s next prime minister.

However, behind his cherubic face lies a pair of deadened eyes.

Tuck Cheh, you see, is one of the top scorers for this year’s PSLE. Results were out since yesterday, but it was all hush-hush.

Because due to a change in education policy, he cannot be named and readily identified unlike previous years, and all publicity to celebrate his scholastic mind and top score of XXX is withheld from the media.

Tuck Cheh, accompanied by his father, mother and the entire extended family of grandparents, aunties and cousins, told New Nation: “As soon as I knew I was the top scorer with XXX points, I went out to grab myself vodka and heroin.”

He continued: “Because the education ministry deems it unfashionable to talk about grades these days, my genius will not be celebrated. I might as well drown my sorrow. While I am still alive.”

In the 24 hours since PSLE results were out, Xiao Ming has gone from alcoholism to hard drugs addiction and is now contemplating suicide.

Besides contributing to self-destruction, many parents of top scorers that New Nation spoke to said avoiding publicising good grades is, in fact, hypocritical.

One parent said: “A lot of you wishy washy communist-types believe that levelling the playing field for broadening equality will do everyone good. Secretly, deep down inside, everyone is always trying to compete to see who has more Facebook Likes on their statues, who goes on more holidays and who buys more branded stuff, who makes more money…”

“Saying we shouldn’t compete for grades makes Singaporeans deep down inside a bunch of hypocrites.”

Editor’s note: Some readers have commented asking exactly who Xiao Ming is in the article. New Nation would like to clarify that he is Tuck Cheh, as his depressive mood is contributing to his split personality but this point was not made clear initially.

Gamblers who sought treatment getting younger, more educated: Study

Gamblers who sought treatment getting younger, more educated: Study

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Also, one in six of those who sought treatment between 2006 and 2008 had attempted suicide.

By Belmont Lay

A recent study published in the June issue of the Singapore Medical Journal showed that pathological gamblers who sought treatment at the Institute of Mental Health’s National Addictions Management Service (NAMS) between 2001 and 2008 were getting younger and more educated.

The pool of 300 patients in this study were split into two equal cohorts of 150 patients for comparison purposes: The first cohort were treated between 2001 and 2006, and the second cohort between 2006 and 2008.

Between cohorts, the average age has also gone down from 42.5 years old to 38.9 years old. As usual, Chinese are overrepresented in both cohorts: 97.3% in first cohort, 92% in second cohort (compared to 74% of residents who are Chinese).

Proportion of problem gamblers with secondary education or higher has also shot up, from 30.3% of the patients to 41.7%, showing that more with higher education are seeking treatment.

This means that approximately seven in 10 of the first cohort, and six in ten of the second cohort of patients had primary school or lower education.

This figure is consistent with the findings of a 2008 survey conducted by the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports, where higher gambling participation can be found among those with PSLE and below qualifications, with 61% of them professing to one form of gambling in the last 12 months.

(To find out the diagnostic criteria for problem and pathological gambling, check out the last page of this same survey.)

Now for the somewhat startling news: In the more recent cohort, one in six patients had tried to kill themselves. And about the same number of patients were abusing or dependent on alcohol at the time when they sought treatment.

In fact, alcohol abuse or dependence was three times more likely in the second cohort of patients.

But rather paradoxically, the number of patients reported being in depression fell from 22 to 13. (Less depressed but more willing to die? Huh? What kind of overlap is there between suicidal, depressive and alcohol users? That would qualify as a research topic in itself.)

This drop is perhaps not statistically significant, but it would be interesting to find out the reasons for this. Maybe alcohol made people happier in terms of mood but at the same time more impulsive and disinhibiting so that they are more willing to slit a wrist or fall off a building or be carbon-monoxided?

Or maybe it’s just the way the cohort is divided? Why not make comparisons between 2001-to-2004 cohort and 2004-to-2008 cohort? This won’t change the data but might it skew the numbers somewhat, yes?

The study also mentioned that while the popularity of lottery betting and casino gambling have remained stable among the patients over the years, interest in soccer betting has grown.

We can’t be sure about that but this we can be sure of: About 95% of patients reported to be in debt.

Still more newsworthy titbits: The study also mentioned that while the popularity of lottery betting and casino gambling have remained stable among the patients over the years, interest in soccer betting has grown.

About 61.3% of patients from the second cohort were interested in soccer betting, compared to 43.6% in the first cohort.

Although less than one-third from both cohorts reported casino gambling as problematic, the study’s researchers predict that this proportion could potentially increase due to the availability of casino venues in Singapore since 2010.

But here’s a caveat: The younger treatment seeking age could reflect increased public awareness of both the signs or symptoms of problem gambling and the treatment service available through advertising and media campaigns.

Therefore, it should be noted that this study only reflects the demographic and clinical features of gamblers who sought treatment.

The prevalence rate of gambling among Singaporean residents in general can be found in the 2008 MCYS survey. (Even then, that survey’s limitation is that it only measures “self-professed behaviour” and not “actual behaviour”.)

Nonetheless, according to the researchers, it is likely that the overall number of patients seen at NAMS will continue to grow.

Why? Credit goes to the Singapore Government, of course, for providing timely, flexible rehabilitative facilities such as walk-in services and government-funded efforts to raise public awareness in the form of primary prevention campaigns and initiatives.

It’s not as if the Singapore Government hasn’t claimed credit for other things, among which is the dramatic reduction of suicides among the elderly in the last five decades.

Check out the inane reasoning in the last paragraph of this article.

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