Tag Archive | "PAP"

MPs extremely touched by their own speech in Parliament

MPs extremely touched by their own speech in Parliament

Tags: , , ,


They were impressed by themselves, many thought to and about themselves.

darryl-david-pap-mp

Numerous Members of Parliament from some walks of life, because they mainly come from the PAP who take up such a large chunk of Parliament, are feeling very moved and touched.

This after they each gave a speech in Parliament for the Budget debate and were moved to tears by the force of their own rhetoric, crispness of their diction, insight into the plight of the suffering and overwhelming fevour of their own conviction to right all wrongs in Singapore society.

One PAP MP was thought to have thought to himself: “I spoke with a conviction I never felt since I got elected during GE2015 last September 2015.”

“I was extremely touched by the sound of my voice and the position I espouse. I believe Singaporeans from all walks of life will hear my speech and weep as I have wept, as I was really, really moved.”

Other MPs were reported to have thought to themselves that they too did extremely well and have moved even themselves to do soul-searching in the aftermath of their words having been spoken.

Another MP from the ruling party, was believed to have thought: “This speech will convince all my naysayers that I have so much substance and belief.”

“I nailed it completely. The electorate made the right decision giving me this strong mandate. This will make me a superstar MP praised by the Internet and social media people.”

“I have so much belief and so much to give. It’s amazing.”

At press time, Singaporeans from all walks of life were not aware parliament was in session.

 

 

 

 

 





PAP becoming more caring, less elitist ruling government

PAP becoming more caring, less elitist ruling government

Tags: , ,


Their MPs do everything to serve Singaporeans with love and goodness.

pap-more-caring

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who believe the People’s Action Party can do no wrong, said the political party has become a more caring and less elitist ruling government.

One Singaporean, Zhen Wei Da, said he can feel that the PAP is the best party for Singapore now and forever: “The PAP MPs are so humble and gracious. They work for their people instead of for their own narrow self-interests and enrichment.”

“PAP MPs have taken a pay cut from the private sector to join the public service to ensure Singaporeans by-and-large are well taken care of.”

“They have to put themselves unnecessarily in the public spotlight just so that Singaporeans can have a First World good life.”

“MPs and ministers, in particular, are selfless individuals who put the community, society and country above self”

“Without the PAP, Singapore would have been ruined.”

Other locals said the PAP is the best thing that has ever happened to them.

One other local, Wo Ai Ni, said he does not see a future for Singapore without the PAP being at the forefront of everything: “PAP MPs and ministers must be paid more and shown more appreciation.”

“I cannot go to sleep at night knowing that the PAP MPs and ministers are overworked and have not much time for themselves and their families.”

“We should allow all MPs to have a shadow MP by their side and pay them full salaries with benefits so that they can take turns to work.”

“And for the next election, each vote cast for the PAP must be counted as two votes.”

“Only then can I live with myself or I will feel guilt-ridden for the rest of my life.”

At press time, Singaporeans have drawn up plans to make statues of all PAP MPs to be placed in the estate they are in-charge of as a show of appreciation.

 

 

 

 

 











Third Party, S’pore’s newest political party, vows to bring PAP to its knees

Third Party, S’pore’s newest political party, vows to bring PAP to its knees

Tags: , , ,


They have their game plan ready.

third-party-singapore-political-newest

Unveiling their minimalistic black and white logo at their party headquarters in Joo Chiat, Third Party, Singapore’s newest political party to register, told the media at a press conference they are here to create change and know exactly what it takes to make a mark in today’s political scene.

Third Party’s Secretary-General, Gao Wai Yu, said: “I will prove to Singaporeans that Third Party is a fierce rival that will steal the hearts of Singaporeans and bring PAP to its knees.”

Explaining the party’s choice of logo, party treasurer Nao Lee Hoon, said: “As you can see, our party logo is very symbolic: It consists of black and white, signalling the usual two sides of the divide. And then there is the grey area, which is the third side.”

“Very appropriate for a party called Third Party.”

“On a more serious note, we are called Third Party for two reasons, which Singaporeans are already familiar with.”

“Firstly, it is because there have traditionally been two main parties in Singapore: The PAP and Workers’ Party.”

“So, Third Party aims to be the third party that is of consequence in Singapore politics.”

“And naturally also because we know that third parties have so far been the downfall of PAP MPs.”

“So, we want to bring PAP to its knees, on its back, on all fours, on their side, hands behind their back and what have you.”

Besides outlining how the party envisions their entry into the lives of the PAP, the secretary-general also said that they will be focusing on recruiting new members for Third Party around their headquarters.

These new recruits can be volunteers or card-carrying members, but they will mostly come from the Joo Chiat area and will be formally called “Third Parties”.

Fen Cai Chan, a new recruit of Third Party and recent naturalised citizen from Vietnam, said: “Joo Chiat will be our home ground from now on. We have looked at many different locales to set up our HQ, but we felt this turf is ripe to recruit members as many of the constituents here already know a thing or two about what it takes to be a ‘Third Party’.”

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who have always appreciated high-octane action and watching Korean drama series, are smiling broadly and clapping their hands in glee as they said Third Party’s entry into the political arena spells trouble for PAP.

One Singaporean, Kwa Hee, said as he put on his sunglasses and The Who came on: “The PAP will have a hard time resisting the advances of this Third Party.”

“Yeeeeeeah.”

 

 

 

 

 











PM Lee reminds MPs: PAP slogan is not ‘With you, for you, in you’

PM Lee reminds MPs: PAP slogan is not ‘With you, for you, in you’

Tags: , ,


Better make things clear, he thought, as he typed out an email reminder.

pm-lee-send-email

Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong has taken some time off this Sunday to craft a gentle email reminder to his remaining 82 Members of Parliament from the People’s Action Party.

The 64-year-old leader of Singapore’s only democratically elected party to hold majority power for more than 50 years, considered his options for the breezy afternoon in his favourite chair before deciding it would be appropriate to reiterate his stance in light of what happened.

“Dear Esteemed Members of the House,” he began typing, pausing to include “All PAP MPs” in the CC option. “I couldn’t have written this email reminder at a less opportune moment.”

He continued: “I’m sure you have by now seen the news on social media that Bukit Batok MP David Ong had to step down because of his personal indiscretion.”

“But if you would kindly refer to the front cover of the PAP manifesto, the party’s slogan clearly reads, ‘With you, for you, for Singapore’.”

“I would like to reiterate that at no point does it say ‘With you, for you, in you’.”

“Any confusion up until yesterday would be forgiven, as I, in my capacity as leader of this party, probably had not made my stance clear.”

“Please feel free to email me if you have any queries or outstanding issues, especially regarding any pre-existing relationships you have with grassroots leaders, volunteers, supporters or a fellow MP from this party or the opposition.”

“Your candour is greatly appreciated, my fellow Comrades.”

“Yours sincerely, Hsien Loong.”

After he finished sending his email, PM Lee went back to reading a book about computer coding as the rest of his Sunday slowly wound down.

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans disappointed to find out PAP MPs are actually allowed to make love

S’poreans disappointed to find out PAP MPs are actually allowed to make love

Tags: ,


They always believed wearing white meant they were as pure as virgins.

pap-supporters-no-sex

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who believe it is important for those serving the country to devote themselves wholeheartedly to the cause and make personal sacrifices, are feeling disappointed and wiping tears from their eyes while sniffling loudly into tissue paper.

This after they found out that PAP MPs are actually allowed to have sex, as Bukit Batok SMC’s ex-MP David Ong resigned from the party and parliament for porking a woman who is not his wife.

One Singaporean, Gao Wai Yu, said: “I was shocked to hear that a PAP MP had an affair as I thought they were not even allowed to have sex in the first place, let alone pork someone who is not his wife.”

“I have always thought the PAP MPs wore white as it was evidence that they are as pure as virgins.”

“If PAP MPs spent their time pursuing worldly pleasures and fulfilling their physical desires, they surely won’t be able to devote every waking hour to worrying about and solving Singapore’s myriad of problems.”

“I sincerely hope Singaporeans who join PAP will never have sex ever again.”

Other Singaporeans, however, were more understanding and said exceptions could be made.

One other local, Lee Zhong Li, said: “This current slate of MPs from the third and fourth generation leadership look like the sort who get distracted too easily.”

“Unlike Lee Kuan Yew, who was the only one who could compartmentalise his priorities.”

“Because at his best, he could screw everyone upside down.”

Give that man a mango? No, give that man a "Majulah".

Posted by We Are Kanina on Saturday, 12 March 2016

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans speculate if PAP MP David Ong suddenly resigned because he likes to eat mango

S’poreans speculate if PAP MP David Ong suddenly resigned because he likes to eat mango

Tags: ,


They are searching for answers together.

david-ong-mango

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who have a conspiratorial bent, are stroking their chins and furrowing their brows as they think of the possible reasons why Bukit Batok SMC PAP MP David Ong suddenly resigned from parliament and party.

One Singaporean Mang Guo, questioned if this has anything to do with the fact that David Ong might love eating mangoes: “Hmmm makes you really wonder if David Ong likes to eat mangoes, too?”

“I wonder how many mangoes did he eat or has he eaten?”

“Was the mangoes he loved to eat plump or shrivelled? Was it the juicy juicy kind?”

“Or maybe he likes them particularly sweet? Or a bit sour?”

“Or those that are not that ripe?”

At press time, fruit sellers in Singapore say they are expecting more mangoes to be sold these few days due to a renewed interest in this issue.

 

 

 

 

 











MPs touched, extremely moved by their own speech in Parliament

MPs touched, extremely moved by their own speech in Parliament

Tags: ,


They were impressed by themselves, many thought to and about themselves.

desmond-choo-parliament

Numerous Members of Parliament from some walks of life, because they mainly come from the PAP who take up such a large chunk of Parliament, are feeling very moved and touched.

This after they each gave a speech in Parliament and were moved to tears by the force of their own rhetoric, crispness of their diction, insight into the plight of the suffering and overwhelming fevour of their own conviction to right all wrongs in Singapore society.

One PAP MP was thought to have thought to himself: “I spoke with a conviction I never felt since I got elected during GE2015 last September 2015.”

“I was extremely touched by the sound of my voice and the position I espouse. I believe Singaporeans from all walks of life will hear my speech and weep as I have wept, as I was really, really moved.”

Other MPs were reported to have thought to themselves that they too did extremely well and have moved many others to do soul-searching in the aftermath of their words having been spoken.

Another MP from the ruling party, was believed to have thought: “This speech will convince all my naysayers that I have so much substance and belief.”

“I nailed it completely. The electorate made the right decision giving me this strong mandate. This will make me a superstar MP praised by the Internet and social media people.”

“I have so much belief and so much to give. It’s amazing.”

At press time, Singaporeans from all walks of life were not aware parliament was in session.

 

 

 

 

 











10% swing voters in S’pore repent, apologise to PAP for voting against them during GE2011

10% swing voters in S’pore repent, apologise to PAP for voting against them during GE2011

Tags: , , ,


They promise not to make life difficult for the PAP again, will obey all diktats issued by party.

lhl-ge2015

The 10 percent swing voters in Singapore from some walks of life, who voted for the opposition in GE2011 but voted for PAP in GE2015, are begging on their hands and knees for forgiveness while apologising profusely.

This after they admitted they were wrong and are now repenting for the error of their ways by voting the opposition in GE2011.

One 10 percent swing voter, Wo De Cuo, said he will only forgive his mistake if the ruling party in all their kindness will forgive him first: “I would like to take responsibility for my actions and thoughtless mistake voting for the opposition four years ago.”

“I have brought shame unto my family.”

“I know voting for the PAP in GE2015 will barely make up for my mistake, but it is still a starting point on the road to redemption for me and my loved ones, who I have also wronged and put in jeopardy.”

Other apologetic and repentant swing voters said they would like to take this opportunity to make up for their ill-conceived actions by promising not to do anything to make life difficult for the PAP ever again.

One other voter, Guai Wo Ba, said: “I am sorry, PAP. Please forgive me and my family for we have sinned against you.”

“We should not have voted for the opposition in GE2011. We are now repenting for our mistake. We will uncritically accept all your policies from now on without complaints.”

“I’d also like to make amends by donating my salary to the party to make up for the emotion and mental suffering PAP MPs must have undergone the last few years.”

At press time, several swing voters have committed hara-kiri.

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans react to PAP commiserating with opposition candidates who are finding employment after GE2015

S’poreans react to PAP commiserating with opposition candidates who are finding employment after GE2015

Tags: , , ,


Three thoughts that must have went past your mind at some point.

pap-help-opposition-find-job

PAP ministers have reached out to Singapore People’s Party candidate for Hong Kah North SMC, Ravi Philemon.

This after he posted on Facebook that he is looking for a job now that the General Election 2015 is over. He had to quit his previous employment so that he could contest in the election.

Among those who responded to him are Minister for Home Affairs and Law K. Shanmugam and Minister for Foreign Affairs Vivian Balakrishnan. Both PAP politicians told him to keep looking.

 

Here are three thoughts Singaporeans have:

 

sian-half-auntie “Last I checked, Lee Hsien Loong didn’t offer Chee Soon Juan a job.”
Hee Poh Kit, 43-year-old headhunter

 

sian-half-uncle “I like how the PAP always chut pattern to look magnanimous.”
Da Fang, 62-year-old charity aid worker

 

happy-bird-girl “The PAP should extend their help to the Workers’ Party if they really wanted to make the propaganda work.”
Mai Lai La, 17-year-old popiah seller

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans impressed PAP hasn’t blamed AHPETC for the haze

S’poreans impressed PAP hasn’t blamed AHPETC for the haze

Tags: , ,


They are impressed by restraint shown.

AHPETC-GE2015-closure-MSM

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who are from the 70 percent and 30 percent, have expressed their amazement at the recent lack of events on the political front.

This after PAP has not blamed AHPETC for the haze in Singapore.

One Singaporean, Mei Qian Tu, from the 70 percent, said: “This shows a certain amount of restraint on the part of PAP that has never occurred before.”

“It is almost like a sign of maturity that they are not descending into petty politics. Never in a thousand years would I imagine this.”

“Then again, it almost feels like the PAP is planning something bigger.”

At press time, the opposition is going to be fixed in other ways.

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans react to PAP GE2015 candidates joining NTUC in senior positions

S’poreans react to PAP GE2015 candidates joining NTUC in senior positions

Tags: , ,


Three thoughts that must have went past your mind at some point.

Melvin-Yong-Shamsul-Kamar

PAP’s newly elected MP Melvin Yong and former teacher Shamsul Kamar who lost in Aljunied GRC have taken up full-time senior management jobs in National Trades Union Congress (NTUC).

Yong, a former assistant commissioner of police, and Shamsul, a department head at Spectra Secondary School, quit the civil service to contest the Sept. 11 General Election.

Both men are 43.

They are the latest in a line of PAP politicians to join NTUC, which has long been a sponge to suck up aspiring and failed PAP politicians.

Here are three thoughts Singaporeans have:

 

sian-half-auntie “70 percent of Singaporeans approve of this.”
Fang Qi, 45-year-old fishmonger

 

sian-half-uncle “There is no doubt NTUC is an apolitical co-operative that does things not in the interest of one particular political party.”
Cheng Hu, 63-year-old bank clerk

 

happy-bird-girl “Having to switch from one cushy job to another underscores the risk of taking part in elections on a PAP ticket.”
See Baey Song, 17-year-old drinks stall owner

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 











S’poreans react to PAP Community Foundation raising fees for kindergarten, child care centres after GE2015

S’poreans react to PAP Community Foundation raising fees for kindergarten, child care centres after GE2015

Tags: ,


Three thoughts that must have went past your mind at some point.

pap-pcf-raise-fees

PAP Community Foundation (PCF), the largest pre-school operator here, will be increasing fees for most of its kindergarten and child care centres from next year.

It runs 153 childcare centres and 215 kindergartens in Singapore.

From next year, K2 fees will be S$617.90 a month for Singapore citizens, S$765 for Permanent Residents (PRs) and S$926.80 for foreigners.

For infant care, fees would be S$1235.80 a month for citizens, S$1,530.10 for PRs and S$1,853.70 for foreigners.

Here are three thoughts Singaporeans have:

 

sian-half-auntie “70 percent of Singaporeans approve of this.”
Da Xuan, 46-year-old pre-school teacher

 

sian-half-uncle “It’s a miracle anyone can even afford anything on this island anymore.”
Pok Kai, 64-year-old bankrupt

 

happy-bird-girl “I wouldn’t mind paying for it if the money actually didn’t go into PAP Community Foundation.”
Buay Kam Wan, 17-year-old student

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 











PAP must ownself check ownself, increase ministerial salaries only when timing is right

PAP must ownself check ownself, increase ministerial salaries only when timing is right

Tags: , ,


PAP vows to improve the lives of PAP after this GE2015.

marine-parade-pap-group-hug

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who found themselves doused in white, have come out to congratulate the PAP for pretending to remain humble after their landslide victory during the General Election 2015.

As a result, Singaporeans felt this amount of effort put in by them must be rewarded accordingly.

One Singaporean, Zhuan Da Qian, said: “It was a hard fought victory for the PAP. Winning by so much and having to act like they are not happy like bird and gloating more openly than they already are. There is no other way to reward themselves than with more money.”

Other Singaporeans said PAP paying themselves more money is not troubling as this is what 70 percent of the people who voted for them would have wanted.

Jiak Ka Leow, another local, said: “Go ahead. Just take whatever you want. Nothing and nobody can stop you. Now that they have the people’s mandate, just do whatever you want since you have been issued a blank cheque to run wild with.”

“If you feel held back by common decency, no worries. The 70 percent of Singaporeans who gave you their vote are telling you, ‘It’s okay. It’s your entitlement’.”

“Feel free to add another $600,000 more a year. It is peanuts anyway.”

“Go ahead, $50,000 is a derisory sum.”

 

 

 

 

 











PAP must be humble after landslide victory, increase ministerial salaries only when timing is right

PAP must be humble after landslide victory, increase ministerial salaries only when timing is right

Tags: , ,


PAP vows to improve the lives of PAP after this GE2015.

marine-parade-pap-group-hug

Singaporeans from all walks of life, who found themselves doused in white, have come out to congratulate the PAP for pretending to remain humble after their landslide victory during the General Election 2015.

As a result, Singaporeans felt this amount of effort put in by them must be rewarded accordingly.

One Singaporean, Zhuan Da Qian, said: “It was a hard fought victory for the PAP. Winning by so much and having to act like they are not happy like bird and gloating more openly than they already are. There is no other way to reward themselves than with more money.”

Other Singaporeans said PAP paying themselves more money is not troubling as this is what 70 percent of the people who voted for them would have wanted.

Jiak Ka Leow, another local, said: “Go ahead. Just take whatever you want. Nothing and nobody can stop you. Now that they have the people’s mandate, just do whatever you want since you have been issued a blank cheque to run wild with.”

“If you feel held back by common decency, no worries. The 70 percent of Singaporeans who gave you their vote are telling you, ‘It’s okay. It’s your entitlement’.”

“Feel free to add another $600,000 more a year. It is peanuts anyway.”

“Go ahead, $50,000 is a derisory sum.”

 

 

 

 

 











Trending Travel Videos