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S’pore govt to stop using the word ‘analyst’

S’pore govt to stop using the word ‘analyst’

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Word connotes buggery and no plans to drop 377A law yet.

Women who have the word “analyst” in their job title reportedly hit on three times as much.

The Singapore government has announced plans to drop the word “analyst” from all its official titles and designations following feedback that it connotes buggery.

“A spectrum of homosexual references spring to mind when the word is mentioned. We get a lot of sniggering and it has come to a point we have to put a stop to things,” said Chi Bu Da, a senior manager from an unnamed government agency tasked to respond to media queries.

There have been several complaints from within government departments that employees who have the word “analyst” in their job titles bear the brunt of homosexual jibes.

Women with “analyst” in their job titles reportedly get hit on as much as three times more.

There have been no major incidents that resulted in bust-ups, although this new development is in line with plans to not repeal the 377A law, a legal tradition bequeathed upon us colonial subjects by our British master overlords since time immemorial, which makes buggery between consenting men a form of criminal activity.

In the pipeline are also plans to replace the word “analysis” with other less titillating nouns.

None of the synonyms come to mind naturally, but the government is looking to go so far as to invent a new word to replace it.

Chi explained: “‘Analysis’ sounds like something to do with buggery and electrolysis, and it is unpleasant.”

“But we abolished its use mostly because it is quite funny! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!”

Looking to be abolished are also words such as “onus”, “annals” and “rectitude”.

Anyone born under the Pisces zodiac will also no longer be hired to work for the government as “Pisces” sounds too alike to “faeces”.

Just last month, a senior manager working in a government-linked company landed in trouble for a comment he made in the office that was deemed inappropriate.

As part of his promotion and higher pay package, his colleagues bought the senior manager a branded fountain pen.

Typically, such pens are gifted to people in the corporate sector and the heavier and chunkier the pen, the greater the aura of superiority one exudes.

After receiving his fountain pen fashioned by Parker, the senior manager exclaimed: “See how large my pen is!”

He was roundly fired.

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