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Sex-for-grades professor to cross examine Red Couch

Sex-for-grades professor to cross examine Red Couch

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NUS law professor Tey Tsun Hang who is facing charges of allegedly paying for expensive pens and sex with grades, will be cross examining a key witness next week — the red couch on which he allegedly banged many a student.

A graphical representation of what the red couch looks like when clean. Kindly ripped off SPH.

“The couch will prove that although I did have carnal intercourse with my student, it was in mutual agreement and not ‘corruptedly extracted’,” announced Tey in court.

Tey is running out of options for witnesses after the prosecution moved to impeach a key witness, Ms Darinne Ko Wen Hui, following the inconsistencies between her statements to the Corrupt Practices Investigation Bureau (CPIB), what the CPIB heard, and what actually happened.

It is clear, however, that they had sexual relations at some point.

Tey is fighting to prove his altering of Ko’s grades from a D to B+ had nothing to do with them having sex.

Of Malaysian nationality, the previously unknown Tey is now also famous for writing politically-charged academic critiques of Singapore’s legal system. A quick look at his articles shows that they, like many other legal papers, are highly soporific and could be weaponised to put the whole parliament to sleep during debate.

“Confirm the government is out to get this professor,” said DownwithLEEgime778, a regular contributor to alternative news site Temasek Review Emeritus. “The PAPpies always damn scared when someone smart writes smart pieces against the gahmen. No one that I know understands his writing, but I’m sure it is bloody tok gong.”

Second-year NUS political science student Antonia Rapparella agrees.

“Almost all the good-looking professors I know are banging their students,” she said. “This is something key to the academic culture everywhere. To have Tey singled out for a sex-for-grades case, which by the way, is very common, means that there’s some sort of conspiracy going on.”

The Red Couch, complete with stains, is currently in quarantine at the CPIB. As the couch cannot speak, Tey will be flying in Hollywood director Clint Eastwood as a translator.

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